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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel about this? A bit on the long side....

218 replies

Yorkiegirl · 03/09/2004 19:22

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cod · 18/04/2005 09:34

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feelingold · 18/04/2005 09:46

I'm thinking of you and hope things are a little better today, sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment (usually by the person who is in the wrong as some kind of defence mechanism),
so hoping you can now both talk properly without the insults and get your life sorted. I know how difficult all of this uncertainty can be so hope you can get through this soon and get your life back on track. Good luck and we are here if you need to get stuff off your chest.

Chuffed · 18/04/2005 09:47

not sure what to say YG but hugs going your way over mn

tamum · 18/04/2005 09:49

YG, I am so sorry. I do hope you get this horrible mess sorted out.
xx

bubbly1973 · 18/04/2005 09:50

yg, thinking of you today and hoping things are better than they were yesterday

xx

TracyK · 18/04/2005 12:20

YG - sorry just found this thread.
Hugs to you!
Make sure you sit down with dh and spell out EXACTLY what splitting up means - not only to you - but your 2 lovely kids too!
Men seem to live in cloud cukoo land sometimes! One of my male colleagues lost his first wife and children because he got sucked into an affair and his wife found out. He has always maintained that he still loves his wife and was devastated by them splitting up.
I'm sure that affairs are usually 80% a woman's devious doing!! unless the guy is a complete tart!

brinkley · 18/04/2005 19:14

yorkie - how are you girl? i hope he's come to his senses today -

LGJ · 18/04/2005 19:19

that you are in this position

that he is prepared to sacrifice it all

that you have to go through this shite and have been for ages by the sound of it.

WideWebWitch · 18/04/2005 21:00

Sorry to hear this yg, hope you're ok.

marthamoo · 18/04/2005 21:09

(((HUGS))) YG - hope your absence is a positive sign.

tortoiseshell · 19/04/2005 10:21

How are things now YorkieGirl? Hope things are calmer in your household!

Marina · 19/04/2005 10:29

YorkieGirl I missed this first time round (think I was on hols) and have only just seen what has happened lately. Are you all right? How on earth is all this suddenly your fault? You don't need us to tell you that you are not a crap mother or wife, I am sure. XXX

cod · 19/04/2005 19:47

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Original poster
Yorkiegirl · 19/04/2005 22:46

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 19/04/2005 22:52

YG, sorry your feeling so down .

Try not to leave it too long to attempt to talk it through again, these things can fester.

Take care xx

LGJ · 19/04/2005 23:14

Oh Sweetheart,

You do what works for you,and if that is riding out this storm, and having greater strength to deal with any others, then so be it.

You do what feels right.

God Bless

XXXXXXXXXXX

LGJ

Dior · 19/04/2005 23:19

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marthamoo · 19/04/2005 23:21

YG, it's no wonder you're feeling low. I wouldn't know how to handle this either - but I wish your dh would see how unhappy he is making you. You take care, hon xx

cod · 20/04/2005 08:18

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handlemecarefully · 20/04/2005 10:04

Yorkiegirl,

We are missing you in the April 2004 post natal club

Original poster
Yorkiegirl · 20/04/2005 15:37

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Bugsy2 · 20/04/2005 15:48

YorkieGirl, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. Somehow you need to tell that you dh that all communication with this woman is unnacceptable.
Whether he is interested or not, she is trying to tempt him & that is not on. Also he is betraying your trust by not being open with you about this.
You cannot go on like this - I know - it is soul destroying.

bubbly1973 · 20/04/2005 21:25

yg...how terrible that he has gone off on one...my dh usually goes off on one if he doesnt want me to approach a subject that he dont want to discuss

you must do what you think is the best thing in your situation

it could be that you want NOT to know the truth therefore leaving it to one side for the time being (assuming that is..if he is guilty of something)

if this is how you want to deal with it, then do so, but please remember in the long run this could possibly eat you up and make you very miserable not knowing

if i was in your shoes, i would at the moment get enough strength to sort myself out before approaching him again about this, but once you start, dont let go until you get all the answers you are looking for.

good luck, hope you can be happy again very soon
xxx

maturer · 20/04/2005 21:32

Yg good to hear from you,we were all getting a bit concerned. I can understand you don't want to rock the boat at this time but honey you can't leave it like that it will just eat away at you and make you ill. When you feel stronger and you and dh are on good talking terms then (I suggest)you should talk about this whole issue. I found I got to the point where it was easier to talk about hurtful/ upsetting things when out in public because you (ie both of you)had to keep a lid on your emotions, then once it had sunk in continue the conversation in private (trying not to get upset/angry) but being totally honest. It is so healing to feel you are working on a problem together and even if your dh does not see it the way you do surely he has to accept there is a problem situation in your relationship that you both need to look at? Try to pamper youself a bit and give yourself the self confidence and strength to tackle this ( it does not have to be destructive, it can make you stronger in your marriage once you both are working together)
Are you still up for a meet up (see meet up threads)? It would be good to see you. Take care honey.

trefusis · 20/04/2005 21:37

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