Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

I suppose you're right in many ways, although I guess it depends what you're looking for and how seriously you're taking them.
For me it was never the be all and end all, I wasn't really bothered if I found anyone or not. I do have young kids but I've got a good relationship with my ex and we share custody 60/40 (me 60) which still gives me plenty of time to socialise away from the apps and get out there in the 'real world' to meet people. The apps were always just a side thing and a bit of a laugh.
I will say that I've met just as many muppets in real life as I did on the apps, I guess you just get a higher concentration of them in one place with dating sites! 🤷🏼‍♀️

myoldbrain I completely agree with the sweet shop metaphor - they are always wondering if someone better is out there. This just means though they will never be satisfied with this.

And surely they cannot go on like forever?

I've met a couple of blokes who say on their profile they want relationships but in reality it is sex they want.

Unfortunately for some of us with young kids for example, there's no other real alternative to OLD which is a shame.

I guess dating with small children around has always been a problem, even in the steam age which is when my DC were small (I was happily married then so have no experience). I guess though that if enough women and men come to the conclusion that dating apps are not the way to go, something else will fill the void. That must be 'real life' in some form - work, mutual friends, clubs, the school gate, the pizza aisle. Maybe we just need to step away from technology and get back to being human. NOT saying it's easy, but giving up on OLD and the apps is not giving up dating, surely?

dogday I'm giving up OLD but not dating all together. I am going to hopefully date but in the real world, it will be much slower and probably few and far between but I think it will have more substance.

Plus it's pushing me to do things out of my comfort zone, like going swimming a lone etc. You never know who you could meet randomly!

Ooft there's some right charmers out there!

Sent a nice complimentary message to a guy on Tinder and received back "You look like you can handle cock"

I'm keeping Tinder, got to have a smidgen of Hope and I prefer it, but wow that Badoo is Sin City on amphetamines.
Keep meeting guys who bring incest into the conversation almost immediately!

I was asked last week how tight my shithole is by another Romeo.

So like many others, I'm giving up. I've noticed it's gone a bit dead on Tinder.
Might send a few messages like

"Fancy having your balls and dick slammed and crushed between two breeze blocks?
You look like you could handle it?"

It's possible I suppose that the apps are just being wanky because it's January - new year, new adventures - and everyone is panicky. And going the real life route doesn't have to preclude OLD completely. But Azzizam's timely and horrific post does kind of make you think there is something wrong.

Oh well, onwards and upwards. Life starts at the edge of your comfort zone.

Totally agree about apps losing their appeal. People don't seem to make much effort with profiles and I hate that sweetshop mentality when I know I'm better than that! I don't know how best to meet someone in real life as I'm a SAHM mum but in the past it's been at closing time in bars when men have the courage to approach you!

I have a full life, but want someone special in it. I also miss sex and don't want FWBs forever. I don't meet anyone suitable in my job (can't say what it is because it's outing but if I told you you'd realise !!). I am out doing things but to meet someone now would really be chance - someone new joining a class (but class is full) and happening to be single and attracted to me (and vice versa). And while that could happen, it's more likely not to!

So it's OLD for me, and the more, ahem, casual sites to scratch the itch ...

Batshit you have just described my life. I work alone for myself.
I have quite a good social life with my sports and meetup groups.
But everyone I know through them is either way too young and/or not single. I'm looking at other ideas for meeting people although not necessarily for dating. Just to get out and be sociable.

wishy I get what you're saying but most us that are using the apps are doing so because we would like some companionship. And when you have experiences like Azzizam then it becomes harder to keep your cool and not get frustrated with it all.

I spent a week on POF messaging nearly every man close by. Just to see what response I got. I got nothing. Not a single reply. My self esteem has taken a bit of a kicking. It's left me wondering what's wrong with me.
I'm not going to dwell on it too long because I'll never find the answer.
But it has made me think if the apps are just not working any more. We're too focused on looking for the perfect person.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I do understand where you're coming from, and I do think just because of the sheer volume of people using the sites these days you end up with a high volume of nobheads all in one place! I suppose azzizams experiences are the online equivalent of being hounded/ pestered/ touched up by an unwanted creature in a nightclub. At least online it's a simple click to get rid 🤷🏼‍♀️
Don't question what's wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. Until communication is established you're just a virtual stranger on the internet to the men of POF so their lack of response is nothing to do with you as a person. I ignored 90% of messages I received just because I don't have the time to invest in random strangers so unless something about them stood out and made me want to message them back, I didn't bother.

I too work on my own during school hours( self employed house keeper) and apart from following football,have no time for hobbies as have son 12 days out of 14.

My date from the other eve (we said may meet up next weekend) has been on and off pof all day but hasn't messaged after I sent one last night to say goodnight. F*ck this for a laugh,i really can't be doing with it. Just sent a thanks for a great eve but due to having son so much and little free time,I am taking time off from dating. He is obviously chatting to others and I know he owes me nothing but i'm done. It makes me think i'm not quite right in the head! Heading to that pizza isle!

I do all of my shopping online... 😰

Interesting debate about the presumptive decline of dating apps.

Question for you all: is there an easy way of finding out if someone is single or not quickly without making it seem obvious that you're fishing? I've noticed many women will mention their boyfriend within the first 5 minutes of chatting if they have one, but there's been the occasion that I've really got on well with someone, thought that there might be something there, only for them to mention a boyfriend at the last minute. Is there a foolproof method?

I assume you mean in real life Dan, not OLD. There's no foolproof way of course, I think you have to be led by the other person. If they are telling you within 5 minutes that they have a BF then this is a clear 'back off' message.

Hey everyone,

I brielfly posted on the end of the last thread. I am approaching 30 this year and live in the North. I have been on and off the apps for about 3 years with no success. Had a few dating disasters including Mr Vegan (Explaining why cheese is not vegan). I have decided this year to try and date as much as possible. See what happens hence the username.

Dan in reallife I have taken to have a general chat and if it seems like the person is interested. Just straight up asked if they have a girlfriend. Nine times out of ten they do and are loving the attention.

I

Hey all, hope everyone is doing well. Not been around recently and had been seeing someone but this evening I just got this text from her after I didn't hear from her for a couple of days so asked where I stood:

Sorry, keep meaning to message back my aunt’s staying at the moment 🙈 I’m getting nothing done. I feel we really get on and connect well which is what I’ve also been having some time to mull over, but I do think it might be more of a friendship forming than a romantic connection on my part.

Any chance of salvaging it like telling her I don't think I can be just friends and asking her out at the weekend or is that pointless?

rich I wouldn't - it's clear she doesn't have any romantic feelings towards you and is letting you down gently

@richdeniro I wouldn't. She hasn't been in touch and just sees you as a friend. Wish her well and let her go. Onwards and upwards

Yep done. Thanks guys.

Rich, you old dog, you get loads of dates!

Lol none of them really lead anywhere though @Dan which isn't the best as I want to find my last first date. Gutted about this one though as it's the first person I've liked in that way since my ex.

Anyway I sent her this...

No worries at all and I can imagine it’s busy, hope you’re having a nice time though. Thank you for being honest and to be honest on my part, I do really fancy you and like you quite a bit so don’t think I could be just friends which I hope you understand. If there is still a chance let me know.

Still hopeful she might come around and give me another chance but I guess her feelings are pretty clear.

I'm considering creating a new arrangement tonight. Rather than a FWB it's an EWB. Ex with benefits is probably a car crash waiting to happen, but let's see how it goes...

I don't think there's too much wrong with that message. You've stated what you want and you've been prepared to walk away.

No swipes again for me today. For a laugh, I joined pof again. 24 hours on and I've had one whole view of my profile