Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Thank you @wishywashy6 I just don't want to ruin things as he's great I think he likes me too but I'm trying not to come on too strong just sit back a bit.

@WarIsPeace thanks I'm defo crushing even MrGreyno2 is out the picture 🤣🤣🤣

@BeyondShattered

I tried that with my husband after we split, the problem was the split was by my instigation and he still loved me.

I could separate the sex side from emotions but he couldn't and afterwards he would tell me he loved me and stuff.

I realised that actually I was just using him for my own gain and it wasn't helping him come to terms with the end of our marriage so after 2 moths I stopped visiting him when he was alone as I knew it would lead to sex, it was then that I joined dating sites to find some FBs.

I think it can work as long as both people are over the relationship and have moved on.

Beyond I agree with Sorting. I did it with an ex from way back but he was much more invested than me, it was very very messy.

Beyond never go to a ex for sex, it will end badly.

I need to catch up on the friend, been really poorly with flu (still poorly but feeling slightly more human). One of my FWB is really annoying me, he messages me every day asking to see me, I told him a few days ago that I have the flu but he still comes back every day with a message asking me to meet him, at no point has he asked if I’m ok, he doesn’t seem to realise that flu lasts more than a couple days. I think I’m going to have to block him as he obviously thinks he can just call me up for sex, he’s very young but that’s no excuse.

I’m looking forward to meeting Mr Parrot in a couple weeks, I’m trying not to get too excited, he’s really atractive but seems quite shy so I will have to try not to jump on him.

@Focus2019 just enjoy it one day at a time. If he's as into you as you are to him then it will take it's natural course and happen. If he's not feeling the same then would you really want to be with him?

So I got chatting to 2 new potentials. My fave of the 2 has already asked to meet and we've pencilled in my childfree night next week (however a lot can change in a week so I won't count my chickens yet).

The second, who I wasn't sure was really my type but I'm trying to be more open minded, has disappeared at the usual point - when they ask me what I do for a living. I currently don't work, don't need to, am completely self sufficient, own my own home, have nice car, nice lifestyle etc but when I say I don't work at moment but plan on retraining (had professional career but don't want to return to that) in next year when child care costs will be less they just disappear like they think I'm just looking for someone to financially support me and my kids - it couldn't be further from the truth . This latest one just replied "oh I see" then blocked me! It's got to the point where I'm not sure why I'm bothering as I can nearly predict at what point they will disappear. The current one in chatting with hasn't yet asked but I know once he does there's a chance that's the last I'll hear and it's getting quite disheartening.

Never just tell them that you do your previous professional career - leave the slightly more complicated explanations for if/when you meet. I gather men get plagued by women on OLD looking for money, so I can understand that their spidey senses are perhaps overtuned on this point.

So - i'm back after some absence from the apps. I had a thing running on in a dwindling way with Mr Runner. But he wanted a real relationship and I was pissing about unsure so we ended it properly. He was a damn good man, but I just - didn't feel the spark, ya know. Half thinking, is that too much to expect in your 40s...will karma bite me in the arse now and deliver a string of proper arseholes? Still it was unfair to him. So here I am. Going to give it a wee while and then go back on the apps. So, keeping up here to see the good the bad and the ugly of OLD....just to prep myself haha.

**Never I'd echo the previous comment or say you were a... you're now in the process of retraining to be a... It removes the potential red flag and gives you the opportunity to explain you're perfectly stable financial position in person.
Probably should introduce myself as a first time poster. I'm a bloke who's been interestingly reading these threads as someone who plans to OLD later this year, and curious as to the pros and cons of different sites and what us men should and shouldn't say. As somebody who was in a relationship for 23 years, the thought of dating again is scary and stepping into the unknown.
I saw there were a couple of other guys posting and had an opinion on this so thought I'd pipe up, hope nobody minds.

Thanks both - I haven't done that as I prefer to be honest but it's getting me nowhere. I also own rental property so I suppose I could say I'm a landlord and leave at that

Welcome ant - I'm just coming up to 2 years out of a 21 year relationship and hadn't dated since I was 19! I only joined old apps at beginning of Nov so I'm a newbie to all this too

Never I wouldn't even say that you are a landlord as you could attract gold-diggers. How you finance your life is your business, I really wouldn't share it with anyone I didn't know quite well.

Welcome ant and good luck!

Ha ha yes shit, I think it has been established that none of us are interested in being galley slaves. Or in being called 'ladies'

I am a “student”, never. I don’t go into details as to how that is exactly financed

Hey @Ant330 I've been off and on the dating apps for a couple of years now with very limited success. You really need a very thick skin as women have so many options these days it's untue, I do think many, particularly in large cities have so many at the tips of their fingertips that they can get into a mindset whereby they are after the perfect guy who probably doesn't exist so be prepared for first dates where you think things have gone well but then get a 'sorry no spark/chemistry' message the next day.

I have met some lovely people through it though but still not made anything stick. I think you need to go into the dates initially with zero expectations and just focus on meeting people and enjoying a few drinks with them just to build up your confidence and get to know new people. Above all don't get overly invested in anyone in the first few dates as the rejection sucks - this is something I'm not very good at doing and it doesn't really get any easier.

yes I suppose it could work other way which is why I've been reluctant to ever give too much detail about my lifestyle etc but the "Don't work at the moment" is backfiring even if I explain I'm self sufficient etc. Suppose I'll just have to get used to most disappearing at this point in proceedings

Neverexpected sorry to hear you're having problems because of your work (or lack of it). Can you just say your work is 'previous professional job'. Until you've met you don't owe them a full explanation of your lifestyle.

I keep my work quite vague because if I give more details, I've found that men generally have a negative opinion of what I do. It's nothing dodgy - honest!

Welcome Ant330 men's views are welcome here. All sites are equally bad but you have to try them all to see which one suits you.

Thanks for the welcome, I like to think I'm not THAT kind of bloke and I definitely don't own a yacht so should be ok.
I only separated in Oct and although we both knew it was over for a while I'm not ready for anything else yet, so safe to say I'm not using this thread to find a date.
Although most of my mates can't understand why I haven't immediately registered on Tinder for a few hook ups, that's never been something I was interested in even when I was younger. Not very blokey to say but I fancy a bit of me time.
Rich you're not filling me with confidence for the future though :) I'd hoped after reading about dick pics and the like, that a decent human being might do alright, but that's one to worry about when I'm ready.
Anyway thanks again and good luck to you all in your dating endeavours.

I think I may have found my people... amazing thread

As I'm joining this thread...can I post this here. Would be great to hear from fellow daters about my experience.

I met a guy online about 2 weeks ago (end of last year not that makes a huge difference hahah) and we have been in contact everyday since. I was speaking to a few other guys initially but now I only really talk to him as I actually quite like him. He took me on a really well thought out date and we both had a lot of fun. Since then we have continued our phone calls and messaging. I have no complaints about him and am happy to continue getting to know him. He has asked me out again and we have decided we will go on another date in not this weekend but the next.

Here is where the problem is...I want to know is this normal? Am I moving too fast? Is he being too nice? I have had awful experiences in the past and to be honest this left me feeling like there were no decent men left. I'm not saying he is the one but so far we have a lot in common, he makes me laugh and I appreciate that he takes time out of his day to actually call me or say good morning. Things like that are all I've ever wanted, but I always seem to meet guys who aren't that great. I'll admit a lot of it was probably allowing their rotten behaviour towards me. So far I am not getting any red flags from him, is this a problem? I'm not looking to rush in to a relationship with him but I am genuinely enjoying this dating stage, but just want some help to know whether is this how dating should be or are we moving too fast by communicating too often? am i being naive to think that he is a decent guy?

I must add that yes we have flirted! But we haven't even kissed or anything like that!

@Ant330 Learn how to create spark and chemistry. It seems to be the most important thing when starting to date someone. I am unfortunately useless at that hence still being on the apps for years

@Neverexpected2 Are you able to tell them about your DC through your profile? so that they don't waste your time if they aren't interesting because of your child. Sorry if you've already answered this

I meant an amazing man on POF - was with him over a year. Both he and I were on other sites, too. I don't think it's possible to say that everyone on any particular site is no good.

I'm also vague about work - it would be easy to find my work address if I am too specific, and people would also judge for a couple of reasons. It's nothing dodgy!! But my job doesn't define me and I don't want people to think it does!