Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

WRT to OLD getting more difficult as you get older, that's not my experience.

I've been on a few times over the last decade, and it went thus:

Age 35 (no kids) Guardian Soulmates for about a month: 1 crap date, 1 FWB, 1 person searching for a wife and helpmate who felt I fell short on a couple of points - then I met someone truly, truly terrible in RL.

Age 38 (1child) on OKC for months without meeting or talking to anyone...met XP about 9 months in, and stayed with him for 2-3 years (have the terrible sensation I settled out of desperation).

Age 42 (2 kids) on OKC for a couple of months; had 1 terrible date, sent a few messages that weren't answered, plus one that was, and that was someone I ended up being with for 6 months.

Age 44 (now!) I've been on OKC and Bumble for about 6 weeks,and am definitely getting more messages than ever before on OKC alone, and plenty of matches on Bumble. None of which, so far, had come to fruition....until TODAY!

Yes, that's right, I now have a date lined up with someone I shall call Mr Woo tomorrow night! We've only been chatting since Friday, but he stood out a mile- I'm pretty alternative and lefty, and it's quite difficult for me to find someone with similar interests and lifestyle, so when I saw his profile I was like "YOU MUST TALK TO ME NOW!!". He actually lives about 80 miles away, and is down here for work, hence me suggesting we meet up so quickly. I feel like a total cavewoman!

Of course, now I've got The Fear. He's got a couple of topless photos on his profile, doing a manly activity somewhere hot, and he's really pretty buff. I'm really pretty.....not. I haven't got a full length picture on my profile, quite simply because I haven't got any. I'm a size 14, at the top end of the "normal" weight band, and if I took a picture of myself in a bikini it'd look like a marshmallow with a rubber band wrapped tightly round it. Here's hoping I'll touch his perfect body with my mind, eh?

eesha I already feel so much better! After my awful experience on Friday night and then feeling so shit about my self all day Saturday I just thought no more! I'm not gonna let anymore strangers make me feel that way.

I'm also doing the same, eating well and cooking new recipes, exercising, treating myself to an new top or having a more luxurious bubble bath etc.

We don't need men (or a woman) to validate us, they should compliment our lives 😁

Dan I'm all about the written profile. I do glance at the photos of course, but I'm far more interested in what a bloke is like. I find Bumble annoyingly superficial in that it's mostly 3 words, swipey swipey - but it does have way more men on it down here, so I feel I kind of have to use it. I use my few words to try and list exactly what I like and what I'm into, and hopefully that attracts like minded people and repels Tories ones that aren't.

Yes sugar I turned my blue ticks off a while ago on the advice of an earlier thread as I was obsessing over it. I have now come to terms with the fact that Mr L doesn’t text as I want him too. And more recently that I am a convinience to him and not a relationship. But because I met Mr S who was filling the gaps. But after a pretty eye opening sleepover, I can’t see a way forward with Mr S either.

I probably need to wean myself off wattsapp fullstop.

Not taking any responsibility for your recreational snorting choices shitwithsugaron

@Apparentlyacatch

I was ghosted after suggesting a phone call with a guy after we had been texting a while.
Then a guy was drunk Friday night and asked me if I enjoyed our first meet..
It was around 6 weeks ago
Out of order and called me cagey and heard to read.
But the why do we get so obsessed with meeting someone . ..
We are happier alone with home comforts.

I think what really shocked me was his blatant ignoring of me, even after we had met. Just ignored without even so much of a no thank you!

These are not the men I want to attract anymore!

Hey, just checking in for new thread - been very poorly since I last posted I was under the weather (six day stay in hospital kinda poorly) so not been on my dating apps in that time. Talking to two irons though, one (ms pixie) is an old iron who is actually v recently back in an old relationship but massively regretting it and working up to ending it. Of course nothing has been or will be even hinted at until it is ended, but there is potential there. The other (ms storm) seemed to be going really well but has said today she is only looking for friendship. So who knows there, maybe it's a case of friend only or maybe it's a "see how it goes" kind of friends.

Apart from that, not having much luck atm. 😕

Of course it's bloody typical that there was a nurse in the hospital that I got a "vibe" from, but as I was still ill when I left it didn't occur to me properly until I got home and it was too late to sound it out... 🙁

Checking in, didn't realise there was a new thread again.
My iron is firmly on the smitten bench and I'm warming to him but not yet quite there.
I'm off the apps though and we've both agreed we're exclusive. It's very pleasant at the moment.

Sorry to see you’ve been poorly beyond, now you are home I hope you go from strength to strength 💐

Hi all need talked of the no 3 ledge!!! So I met McDreamy for our 3rd date on Saturday and it was so good. Movies then back to his drinks & pizza. Totally DTD was excellent. He's not dating, messaging or talking to anyone else he was only on Tinder a week before he swiped me. He ticks all my boxes and there are no red flags. I'm so trying not to over invest but it's hard 🙈🙈🙈 he talked about future dates and I asked him to come to a concert end of the month - he seems to like me as much but I'm so scared to ruin it!!

I have also messages my other irons to say goodbye. Per no 11 I don't want to be talking / seeing etc anyone else if he isn't.

Could this be real!!! Please tell me those of you on the smitten bench how quick you got there!! Is date 3 too soon!!! I'm not on the bench yet but I'm defo standing next to it.

Focus2019 I think it's pretty normal to be having a huge crush after 3 good dates, this is the honeymoon period after all. Enjoy it but at the same time I wouldn't make any complicated plans just yet. A bit of optimistic daydreaming is healthy though!

@Focus2019 it's too soon to probably saying anything out loud, but I certainly 'knew' I didn't want to look anywhere else after my first date with now BF, never mind date 3! I'm not saying I fell in love at first sight or anything like that just that nobody else interested me once I began talking to him and while I wouldn't have said that to him at the time, I didn't bother speaking with anyone else. I was fully aware that it might not work out, but figured it was worth the risk.
As it turns out, when we finally had the exclusive chat (after about 6 weeks of dating) he'd deleted all the apps pretty much straight away anyway, so he obviously felt the same.
Just take it slow and enjoy it for what it is without making too many plans too far ahead. If it's going to happen it will happen ☺️

BeyondShattered sorry to hear that you have been unwell. Hope you are feeling better.

I have speaking to someone on Bumble and recently exchanged numbers. I know its so soon after my relationship but it is nice to have someone to talk to. We are having dinner tonight which again, if nothing else, I hope I have made a friend.

Beyond - hope you're on the mend now. Great news focus! Gives me hope

Can I ask please - is someone giving you there number straight away an issue? See I didn't have a problem as if they send rude stuff or we fall out I can merely delete and block but then having read the old thread about red flags and things currently on going on here that is listed as a red flag.

Someone messaged this morning that I've matched with and as was heading off to work asked if we could message later and gave me his number. He says he a newbie so might just be over eager and whilst I wouldn't normally have an issue i don't know whether i should have?

BeyondShattered hope you are fully recovered soon.

Focus2019 that sounds lovely. I hope it works out for you.

Neverexpected I don't have a problem with swapping numbers early on. I find some of the apps quite unreliable - especially Bumble.
And as you say, you can delete and block. In my 2 years of dating apps I've only blocked 2 people both because of dick pics.

@Focus2019 I've been with MrAbs for 2 months now - he was my first real life date . I am officially a failed OLDer. 1 date!! He'd been OLD a lot longer than me (18 months?) and never had more than 2 dates with anyone. He is a self professed "fussy bugger".

Our timeline went:

Saturday night : start chatting on POF - I messaged him - thought he was fit AF, probably out of my league, but what did I have to lose?
Sunday evening : meet at his, have dinner, DTD - absolute fireworks for both of us. Both of us were thinking it was a hook up arrangement - both consenting adults and happy with a one off itch scratching session...
Monday am : I have a long-standing coffee date with an iron I'd been talking to for 3 weeks. He insisted I went, but confesses he hopes it goes badly...
Monday pm : Coffee date iron - no spark at all.
Monday evening : We agree we're exclusive and have had an amazing time together ever since.

neverexpected I would just say thanks for the number but messaging via the app works best for you at the moment. I prefer not to let them have my number until it is time to meet ie use it at the stage of 'I'm here, where are you?' for the first date. Unless you are otherwise in the habit of giving your number out to total strangers, which is what any OLD person is until you have met.

@JeSuisPrest awww I love your story! ☺️

@Neverexpected2 nope I never took it as a red flag, I don't really care who's got my number 🤷🏼‍♀️ I'm capable of ignoring anyone I don't want to talk to.
I've never blocked anyone, always enjoyed destroying the ego of anyone who dared send me a dick pic 😂

Ok thanks. See I never gave it a second thought because if a dishy bloke asked for my number in a club for example (chance would be fine thing) I would not hesitate at all

I was talking with a couple of single friends last night and the general opinion is that dating apps are losing their appeal. Mainly because of the entitled behaviour of some men (and probably women as well).

There was also the feeling that a lot are just using them for hookups, even if they say they want a relationship. Plus the sweet-shop mentality that there could always be someone better, if you keep on looking.

Obviously, there are success stories, as this thread has shown. But the majority of stories from OLD are not great.

I'm not sure what the answer is. When I find it I'll let you know. But maybe it's just something simple like getting off the apps and getting out and enjoying life.
Meanwhile I'll be hanging round the frozen pizza section in Tesco in the hope of bumping into some single men

I agree 'MyOldBrain* I get the feeling the apps are losing their appeal because people are changing their behaviour, eg not including bios, not really bothering with proper messages etc, so it just doesn't work. There was a feature on it on the BBC website the other day, but it was a video so I didn't go any further (prefer reading).

If things don't work out with Mr Mad I'm not going back on the apps. I'm done with OLD. I'm not a sweety in a shop or in any other sense.