Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Placemarking! Lost you all for a moment.

Placemarking. Been ghosted once by someone I never met but had been chatting to (a lot!) for about 3 weeks. I called him out and he said it was because he thought I was way out of his league looks wise (we had FaceTimed also). He asked if we could try again. By that time I'd moved on to the lovely MrAbs (8 weeks and counting...), so I told him he'd missed his opportunity and he should have a bit more confidence in himself, I thought he was pretty hot as it happened. We still chat as friends though.

@jesuschristfenton - no, shouldn't have to change. But maybe you are attracting the wrong type of man, as I think Eesha said. Who knows?

I'm struggling with pathetic teenage angst. Spent 5 or so days with someone who seems to be gently removing himself (but maybe I'm second-guessing stuff) after a chat about some incompatibility (his concern) and also the distance between us (130 miles).
I don't think he was right on the first point but the distance may be an issue. He has 2 grown up kids and myself early secondary.
He is currently OS and will be for the next 2 weeks. I possibly would like to meet someone down the road who can be available?

Apart from that I really like him...

I have a date with Mr Parrot (I’m running out of names), he’s the guy I have been chatting too on and off for 2 years, it’s not for a while as he hasn’t got any time off work but it’s promising.

I think Mr Vegan is playing games, when ever I say something he doesn’t agree with he vanishes/sulks, this is a huge red flag to me as I have been in a relationship with a sulker. He’s now sulking as I won’t talk to him on the phone, I hate talking on the phone and I have already explained this to him, I also have a bad cold so sound awful, he keeps pushing which just makes me feel uncomfortable.

So,date went well last night. He surprised me with his job,an estate agent! I would never have guessed that. Funny meeting after a few messages on pof as really go into it not knowing much about each other. He's asked for another date via pof. No exchange of numbers yet which is unusual I suppose but it's all very chilled. or is it a red flag? I'm actually relaxed with no txting and all the intensity that brings as usually txting makes me anxious.
As for pof messages,i may have 50 views and out of that four messages? It's shit. I'm no model but i'm ok on a good day and just can't understand it. Can't remember who mentioned it but you're not on your own

Hi everyone

Room for a small one? I've dipped my toe in and out of the dating thread over the last couple of years and now I'm back because I need a grip!!! Sorry to start on such a long winded ramble

Regarding this whole irons in the fire malarkey. It's never really been me. It's not because I think it's immoral or anything I totally get it, I'm just a bit crap at speaking with more than one man at once. So for me if I'm going on dates with someone I tend to take a step back from the dating profiles. I've never expected the same from anyone else and totally understood that not everyone is like me.

Until now cause I actually LIKE someone so my head is being completely irrational and unreasonable we're only a few dates in, he texts me every day and practically most of the day, has admitted he's told his family and friends about me. Except today I've decided to be nosy and he's definitely still actively tindering!!

Help me understand it all because I've now convinced myself he can't possibly like me and I want to bin him off to avoid disappointment, which is completely ridiculous!!

I also think maybe I need a bit of help in doing the same thing and playing it cool and learning to multitask because I don't want to be so invested

Help me!!!

Actually,at the bottom of my profile I have ' no phone number exchanges before a meet as most of you just vanish' so that's probably why....lol, sometimes I do wonder if i'm all there!

@Friyay how do you know he is actively tindering? The thing is until you actually have that chat, he has every right to keep looking. Annoying I know. I'd say if this upsets you somewhat, then try and find a few irons to have inside as it does soften things a bit

@Eesha Tinder can't access your location unless you open it, he's away and his location is changing!! (I was being nosey, ideally I need to just not look so then I don't know but that's far easier said than done!!)

Yes im aware he has every right and I'm being totally unreasonable!  I just can't help but feel like he can't possibly be that interested. I don't know if that's the right way of thinking or not because I'm basing it on my way of thinking and not the average OLD. I'm just totally not used to this, so I think I need to learn!

@Friyay don't worry about being nosey, I've done exactly that. He does sound interested but I honestly think people just keep their options open till you have that chat. I wouldn't bin him yet, try and enjoy dating then have that chat. I would definitely talk to more people because it definitely helps not to overinvest

Friyay I get how you feel but unfortunately that is how OLD works. Although I don't understand why, if you like someone, then you need to keep looking for someone else. How many dates have you had with him?

user it was me complaining about the lack of messages on POF. I sent around 50 messages over the weekend. Just decided to text every man in a 15 mile radius. Not a single reply. Lots of looks at my profile.
Some of them have been there at least 2 years. No idea what they're looking for.
If someone messages me I almost always reply, even if it's just to say they're too far or not what I'm looking for.

friyay I would be the same as you. I've never dated more than one at a time. Think i'm going to have to learn! You need that chat!

myoldbrain are you mid/late forties like me? It was so much easier when I was on 10yrs ago. I look around my village and people are splitting up and then one or both of the couple have found someone else/serious/living together after maybe six months...none of these are on old,or if they are I've never seen them. Where are the local men who have been jilted in my area. maybe I need to go to the pub more? i'm taking my son to boxing in the village thinking I would meet single dads....nothing yet!

I know the carrying on with swiping is how OLD works but I think as a result OLD doesn’t work that well. Having only two irons and coming off the apps focused my mind on them - I didn’t know if either had also come off. That focus meant I weeded one out, so I’m now only focused on Mr Mad. We haven’t had the talk about coming off or exclusivity but my focus means things seem to be moving on, we may have it soon - and I may even agree to being exclusive, because I don’t have options to fall back on. It’s a risky strategy, I realise, but without risk is no reward

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking in my experiences messages dry up at the weekend anyway!
It's prob better to start messaging g somebody In the week.
I've lost count of the guys I've been chatting to Monday to Friday then they disappear at the weekend

No swipes for me today.

On bumble I'm seeing fewer and fewer people actually write profiles. It just feels like everyone's saying, you're only going to look at my pictures so what's the point. Is this the case with anyone on here?

@Dan89 I'm on Bumble and seeing exactly that with guys
I refuse to swipe on anyone who can't be bothered to write anything
I see it more as people are shallow and everybody thinks it's only looks that count

Heyy everyone!

Made a decision today to not only temporarily come off the apps but to delete all profiles and the apps! When I look back to my OLD experience it just really isn't a positive one. The men I've met are just really awful and just do not know how to treat someone - and I think OLD has done that too them, it's taken away the human aspect.

SO, it's me time now. I've started doing some evening exercise classes to get me out the house in the evenings which is when I struggle with loneliness. I'm going to be really selfish from now on - only do things that bring me happiness. I'm going to make me love myself and then if someone comes along in the real world and compliments that then great!

I've wasted enough time moping about these guys that never reply or who manipulate you in to thinking they are your perfect man then turn out to be a douche!

If anyone likes podcasts I've been listening to some of the ones from Amy Young - Just what you needed. There's a really good one about dating I recommend it!

Are we going to reach "peak dating app" where people just get so fed up with them that they start putting their phone down and actually start looking up now and again?

@Apparentlyacatch I did exactly that at the end of November and I've loved it. I haven't exactly gone out like crazy but focussed on stuff I like like clothes, beauty and improving myself. I chat a bit to a couple of friends via POF but I really don't miss the whole uncertainty of it all. I'm sure I'll get back on it in time but I feel so much happier in myself and that can't be bad!

@Dan89 hope so, it's sad how people don't seem to chat as much in bars etc, probably because they are all on apps!

Ooh shitwithsugaron that’s great news.

I think I have become addicted to chatting to people via wattsapp in the evening. Im sat here bored because no one is chatting. When really I should be doing the housework or many other things. Does anyone else get like that?

We go on dating websites and apps we get dates, we chat to people we get to know people we invest time in people, but what are we actually looking for in the long term?
The issue with online dating is as much as as everybody wants to meet someone whether it's because they're lonely they've been single a long time they keep meeting the wrong people they've spent time their own and now, really really have had enough or they just love being in a relationship but the issue is it's the fact that most people do not want to just end up with one person for the rest of their lives in 2019.

I would like to just meet someone get on and that's it but life is not that easy you question everything every single day of your life.