Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Koko decided when I was in his home that “no” was only for him to decide, and there wasn’t any limits. It wasn’t good.

In fact I was on this thread (different username) at the time and a poster who I don’t see on here at the moment (Male) told me specifically not to meet this guy. I ignored the advice, just shows people on this thread know their stuff which is why I sense check now I’m dipping my toe in the pool tentatively again.

I realised that with OKC after the first day and made my answers private so they affect the algorithm but no-one knows!

A proper Dom I'd have no problem with but so far I've just got men who want a 'nice lady' on Bumble. I also prefer men to take the lead but I realise I'm 20 years behind!

OMG @Leatherandsilk cross-posted! I made that comment in jest but realise it can get serious. What an awful experience!

It’s fine accessorise, to be honest I’m luckily fairly resilient and like a bit of black humour!

leather that sounds awful - I think I remember your post from before actually but couldn’t remember your old username. Yes it’s so dangerous - there’s so many weirdos out there, or people with too much baggage, and any nice ones just seem to be nice but no mutual attraction.It’s a nightmare.I’m still with my iron but not sure there’ll be any longevity in it.Hopefully remain as friends if all goes south.

I've mentioned this before, possibly a couple of threads ago, but as a picture really does say a thousand words, I found uploading the pics I was using into Photofeeler for really constructive (on the whole) feedback, useful. Particularly helpful when deciding which photo should be used as the main one. I got rated 5.5 on average for the pics I was using, I changed them using the suggestions and went up considerably .

Sorry to hear about the catfishing, some people are just odd - why bother, what's to be gained from it apart from messing with someone else's head?

Glad to read all the positive posts about not settling and believing in your own qualities.

Things still going strong with MrAbs - seeing each other 3/4 times a week, planning things for half term with our respective kids and hoping to have a couple of play dates (we've both got 8yo DD's). I've met his children and he'll be meeting my DD for the first time on Sunday. It's so nice to be with someone kind, loving and hot. I still get fizzy knickers every time I see him

that's lovely JeSuis - so pleased to hear you are happy

warls I get a lot of messages from Dom’s 🤣, yesterday I had a man that had a user name along the lines of ‘Mrsexy’ message me, I didn’t reply and he kept pestering me, his photo gave me the creeps along with his inappropriate user name. I get a lot of messages asking if I’m a sub. The most recent was a guy who likes to watch his partner have sex with other men and he was a sub .

So the man who asked me on a date yesterday has now vanished, maybe he will reaper to arrange where and when we are meeting, I don’t think he’s one to chat loads before meeting, he just wants to meet face to face and see if there’s a connection.

Well. I ended up putting myself through the fecking wringer with stockings guy - We both love an argument and to be right so we spent a day arguing over semantics and who said what about stockings.

Anyway, in the end I was like - take care and see ya. He said, he wanted to see me again - I said ok fine but listen no more arguing.

Sent a joke yesterday - we have fun and bants and then I make a joke and out of nowhere - he types 'FUCKER'. In all caps. And I say - jeez, a bit strong. And he says 'It's a joke. Stop taking things so seriously fucker'....I laughed and said - did you seriously, just call me a fucker. What's wrong with you? And then it descends guys. He told me it was a joke. He's an honest man. Why am I so fucked up I don't trust anyone. I'm at my kitchen table with a glass of wine just....amazed by it all. Seriously damaged individual. If I could leave a red mark against his name I would because it was so incredibly toxic. Lesson learned, if you think they might be a manipulative head fuck the first time....They won't get any better the second

super I think you either have to stick to phone conversation rather than text or walk away altoghether. It’s very hard to tell is someone’s joking via text and it gets very confusing if you both have that ‘piss take’ sense of humour. I was thinking about the stocking thing earlier because I have had several irons request stockings and for me I would not agree to wear them unless I was planning on having sex with them. Mr Mini is coming to mine on Sunday and has requested stockings but I have refused 🤣. It sounds like you and Mr stocking guy just clash and it’s probably best to walk away and block/move on or he’s just going to fuck with your head.

See the stockings thing, I would happily offer, but would be a bit if it was requested I'm just a PITA

love have you met mr mini before? It seems a bit off for him to be asking for stockings when you go to his house

Dog, I haven’t met him, we have known each other online for a year and have friends in common (he doesn’t live far from me). I told him he was being unreasonable making requests and I won’t be wearing stockings. It is just a FWB thing so I’m not planing on anything serious with him.

In which case, Love, have a great time .

When did Dom/sub stuff become such a thing? Six months ago I'd never heard of it, now it seems to be everywhere. A horrific story like Leather's makes me think that it's just a bandwagon that bad people can hop on to abuse other people in the name of being empowered. Perhaps a red flag even hinting at it on OLD.

Afternoon peeps, have sped read thread again, work has been the shittest week this week and I'm so glad it's Friday!! I'm sure my horoscope said 2019 was going to be amazing for me in career and love but so far it's been feckin crap.....

Been busyish with OLD side of my life sort-of too. Can't remember if I mentioned Mr Italy messaged me last Friday asking how i was (I remember posting that we had been communicating, albeit sporadically, he cancelled coffee date last week ). I answered him I'm fine and then silence......?? Sounds a bit like Dusty's guy. I messaged him Tuesday this week and said obviously this is a waste of my time, please delete my number and I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for. I got a message back saying he had changed jibs and was busy, we could meet this weekend for coffee. I stuck to my guns and replied saying, why message me last week asking how I was , i replied then silence? I told him I'm not stupid, and I'm not here just for him to talk to when he is date free or bored, and re-iterated I wanted him to delete my number. He has read message but not replied. Will a WA conversation stay as-is if a phone number is deleted? Or like when you block someone the photo greys out?? I have no idea if he has finally deleted my number as his photo is still on the WA conversation??

Mr Z, I met for coffee last Sunday, he is still a gentleman, good company, easy conversation but is not long term for me. Might be inviting him to cinema over weekend.

I had 3 matches on Bumble (first time ever), messaged all 3, tumbleweed. i have a new match today (8 years younger than me but thought sod it) and he has replied so we'll see.

Still nothing much on tinder, Mr Wine been MIA for a week again. Might unmatch him soon. Other match was chatting away happily then went quiet when i mentioned kids lol.

i joined a site called Flirtify.....ye gads, just don't bother is my advice.

Also joined ok Cupid last night and paid for a month. Have scrolled through everyone lol and so now waiting for new meat to join the market lol. No messages from anyone on there.

POF, talking to a couple of guys but nothing major.

As an aside, decided to say to my DD15 that mum might be going out on a date at the weekend. She looked a bit surprised but didn't say much. i said do i have to stay on my own for the rest of my life, she laughed and said no. Will be interesting to see if she tells abusive STBXH but don;t care anymore, he's not in charge of my life )plus he had someone lined up before he even left....)

Since love life is crap, is it worth me putting lottery on, I might win that instead??

@Dan I;m intrigued to see your profile now! Feel free to send if you want another opinion, I'm NE Scotland.

Dog the whole Dom/sub thing scares me, I’m sure it’s just an excuse for most men to be controlling in the bedroom (and probably out of the bedroom), why mention it in your profile or first message to someone?
I’m looking forward to Mr Mini on Sunday, I feel less nervous then I do when I go on a normal date, it’s just a bit of no strings attached fun.

I've no interest in the Dom/sub thing. It seems fake and forced, like they have a list of rules they want you to adhere to
I like to switch things around, sometimes I like to take charge, sometimes I like it when he does but I don't want to plan it in advance or have to play by a set of rules.
Give me a surprise shag over that crap any day 😬

I've definitely noticed more requests for Dom/sub. Do they think we're all living in a 50 shades fantasy land? I doubt most actually know what to do properly. Its just something they think they should be saying.
I met a supposed dom for a date. He was so nervous, he was shaking. Maybe he was different in the bedroom but I got the feeling it was more fantasy than reality for him.

Good luck Love hope Sunday is fun.

I'm failing badly at finding dates or FWBs. I thought the latter would be easy. Apparently not!

wishy I’m the same, depends what mood I’m in and I would rather just play it by ear.

Myold I think a lot of it is just fantasy and men watching too much porn (getting all these ideas of being Dom), it’s easy to fantasise these things but when they come face to face with a real women it’s a bit different.

leather I’m so sorry you had that experience. It sounds awful. And I was shocked at the article the other week saying that most judges thought if we were OLD we are basically having for it with anybody in any way.

I’ve slept with 3 men since I’ve been OLD and porn has definitely been a factor. Sex wasn’t like this 7 years ago, the last time I dipped my toe in the water. Only one of them was really normal and didn’t feel open influenced. Although I have finished with him for other reasons.

The one I’m still seeing I have mentioned it to and found out more about his porn use. I will push this further and discuss trafficking etc and steer him to different sites/styles.

Porn ruins men it really does , porn doesn’t realistically show what women like, it’s all about what the man wants. Most the men I have met online have been big porn watchers and it shows when in the bedroom.

Yes the first time with someone I’m no longer seeing I felt like a rag doll being thrown about from position to position, had bruises around my nipple and apparently anal is seen as quite standard!! It certainly wasn’t about me and my pleasure!!

Yes, similar expereances , one guy I really liked, young, good looking but he ruined it when he got to the bedroom, he was so rough. I have had bruises before too, not sure how they think women enjoy it? I prefer someone who’s gentle and actually asks me what I like.

notcool I’m sorry to hear that