Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Wow that sounds a bit of an overreaction!
Maybe something to hide???

My two main irons are both friends of mine on fb. I don't add just anybody, but I'd rather know relatively early on if they are gonna find something on there that is a no-go for them. And the same for me too - don't wanna invest loads of time in someone to find Britain first on their timeline!!!

They're both younger than me (in their twenties) so young people do still use Facebook

Young people in my experience use FB messenger groups to spread misinformation and ramp up everyone’s anxiety about anything to do with degree courses. 😆

@IndieTara. That’s a stupid reaction. Everyone looking to date in 2019 should expect to be googled. And people should attend to their security settings on FB - it’s his own fault in non-friends can see his profile. Of course people are going to look at it if it’s public.

Indie I’m probably going against the grain here, but no, I don’t think you should get back with him. It’s not because of an ex being an ex and all that rubbish, it’s becuse in your message you’re looking for justification for dating him. He makes you laugh but you’re not attracted to him - I think if you were attracted to him and prepared to look past that it would’ve happened a long time ago. Your current situation and what’s happened with online dating just makes me feel like you’re settling for this guy. He’s a friend and just let it stay that way, I also do think you wouldn’t have pulled away after the initial kiss if you did want it to go further. You can’t have a relationship with someone you’re just not attracted to, otherwise it’s a relationship of convenience, could you imagine living your life not wanting to jump on your partner when he looks impossibly handsome to you, or how you’ll feel in bed next to him?

This is a total situation born of circumstance, my opinion is to stay friends and leave it at that instead of forcing yourself to date him.

Just noticed something interesting with Bumble.
It's supposed to only update your location when you open the app. I was working about 10miles from home today. Didn't open the app at all because I didn't have WiFi.

Just got home. Opened Bumble and looked at my profile. It's showing my location as the place where I was working today. If I didn't open Bumble between being at home this morning and arrived back home this evening, how did it change my location?

@BlueNeighbourhood I didn't realise that's how it came across.
We actually do have undeniable chemistry but since splitting previously I've just pushed that out of my mind because 'I don't go back ' I never have and this would be the first time. Which is pretty alien to me.

I def don't want a relationship of convenience I'd rather still be single and part of me also worries that if this doesn't work again I'll lose the friendship we currently have.

But since my best friend 'gave my head a wobble ' it's made me think.

I'm confused IndieTara How can you have undeniable chemistry with someone who isn't your type and is definitely too short for you? Is this intellectual chemistry because surely it can't be physical attraction.

The house situation would put me right off, why would someone choose to live in practical squalor?! He should at least have a cleaner by now to deal with the mess and if he's as sensible as it comes across.

I'm with the PP that it does sound like you are compromising yourself and what you want to be with him, and that's okay if you truly believe there's a future in it.

Good luck!

@Auba14 I'm not sure you choose who you have chemistry with. I think it's either there or it isn't for whatever reason.

For me I do need an attraction of minds too not just a physical attraction for a relationship to be possible

And he isn't my type as in whilst OLD I've been looking for somebody at least 3 inches taller than me whilst he is an inch taller.. It's just a preference I have

Well after me messaging Mr Grey No2 telling him I thought we were only FWB last night and him saying no we are not - he's upped his game massively - invite to lunch today making plans for this weekend even send me those digital touch kisses and hearts today!!! Think he might like me???

Also got a message from Mr Gent who I met last Sept / Oct who I fell for amazing chemistry but I blew it by accusing him of being a player well he had messaged before Xmas to see if I wanted to meet I was busy messaged today so meeting him next Friday. He was so lovely and we got on so well he just ended up busy after and I lost my shit.

So with McDreamy my current fav - I have 3 irons. I'm going to keep dating them till it's over or I feel strongly enough about one of them. Until we are boyfriend girlfriend it's fine plus it keeps me unfocused on just one!!

I have a date with Mr DJ but looking back at his profile I’m not finding him atractive and he looks quite old, my age range is set at 30-48, he’s 48 but not a good looking 48. I think I’m going to have to wriggle out of it, he also has 3 children by 2 different women, the youngest he has 50/50 so he’s not actually go much free time.

I need to secure a date with Mr Fireman but he’s also pretty busy with work and kids.

I don’t know how it’s ever going to work out with someone that works long hours and has children, when do people get time to date?

Lovemusic33? Your potential date is me. Work long hours, juggling kids. I'm not sure how to squeeze it all in either tbh!

We're just trying to get together at least once a week and seeing what happens for now, that's all we can do.

Though I suppose that if it has legs, I will take more care to arrange work and child free nights to facilitate more time together. Which is tricky at the moment as ExH isn't aware I'm dating.

But if it works out then I'll have to have some awkward conversations

Possible date pencilled in with ms pixie for either tomorrow or Friday...

Exciting beyond!.

Well I caved and FB messaged Mr Devestated but no reply, what an idiot.

The algorithms that rule apps however picked up I was in a different location for work and I had over 100 matches on each app a day, as a result I now have 7 active irons, 5 on WA.

Including the one I told no (and unblocked through guilt) this morning who is still messaging.

I’m not sure I’m cut out for this, feels a bit wrong...

Thanks for the supportive words everyone. What got me really upset and raging over the stockings incident is the age old shaming a woman might potentially be subjected to if she puts herself out there for a purely sexual experience. Even by her sexual partner and a so called enlightened man....simone de beuavoir next to his bed haha...will stoop to it if something doesn't go his way. In the end I wanted better answers so I said to him...nothing happening with us so let's have an honest discussion ... I was right about you being fucked off about the stockings eh? It wasn't purely a joke. He opened up on the matter. He felt I'd tried to have everything my way initially....eye roll...i reminded him that when he asked for something I accomodated. Have advised him....next time there's something you want out of an experience. Just ask. The person can decline and everyone knows the score. So there was some closure there.

supercali onwards and upwards

warls it’s hard isn’t it? Seeing someone once a week is fine at the beginning but some can’t even manage that. If things go well I guess there would have to be a discussion about how things can move forward.

Last night I expereance my first cat fishing expereance (I think it’s called catfishing), I had been messaging this guy for some times on and off, he had sent me photos of himself, told me he was 30 years old, he was obviously after one thing so didn’t speak to him much but last night thought I would have some texting fun with him for a laugh, turned out he wasn’t who he said he was and he was much much younger 😐, I actually feel quite sick about it, I have blocked him from my phone. People are not always as they seem.

It is difficult. I think that if I catch feelings it will be difficult to carry on with a once a week thing. However I'm a bit miffed with mine at the moment, as I was dealing with a fairly shitty situation yesterday which he was aware of and didn't even get a quick text. So perhaps we're both cooling.

I do still have my spare iron to rearrange in the near future though, so if it fizzles out it's not a disaster. Plus I was getting good offers on the apps so I'm optimistic for the future regardless.

Either way I'm really happy that I've had a nice start to dating again, I thought it would be much more scary.

Oh Love that’s awful

Hello, how nice to find a thread like this - I am totally new to OLD and haven't yet met a man IRL.

And sorry about the catfish Love, how did you find out /realise? And how much younger?

Welcome @accessorizequeen I'm new to OLD too really, it's a lovely thread

supercali well done. He needed to be told he was out of order.

Love sorry to hear about the catfish. How did you find out?

Today's pet hate: profiles that say "I'll always message first, please be polite and reply" or "I always reply to messages".

I've got 2 who say that but have done neither of those things.
I'll give them another day before having the final word.

Thank you @warlspeace! Seems exactly what I need right now as I am not thick-skinned at all. Four kids, ex being an arse etc. 20 years out of this. My biggest worry is that I will meet someone IRL and they will find me disgusting.