Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Neither of us had time to stop

Cause of my health issues, meeting someone at either my house or theirs is much easier than going out - going out requires using my wheelchair for a start so limits travel options. Plus I placate myself that as I'm meeting women, I'm much statistically less likely to run into a rapist or murderer. It's not ideal I know, but it has to do for now. And I don't meet anyone completely random, there is always a fair bit of contact first.

I do have fb, but haven't got my iron as a friend on it
And I do have IG but it isn't linked to my apps because it's very dull and not suitable (pictures of my kids, craft and baking stuff)

Ant I have Facebook and Instagram - but only for my work. I would never link them to dating apps. It's possible to use Tinder and Bumble without Facebook.
However, I do try and find some online presence of an iron, if possible, before meeting someone for a date.

supercali he sounds like someone who needs to make a joke about everything. But doesn't realise he isn't funny. Get rid!

If you're having a nice exchange of messages with someone on Tinder, then they end with "Good night, sweet dreams Missy".
What would you think?

Wow, @shitwithsugaron. That's quite a profile. Not being able to type 3 sentences without mentioning his ex. I can't imagine anyone swiping right on that.

Missy is an odd thing to call anyone, @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking. It's weirdly infantilising, and makes him sound like he's in a bad western at the same time.

I use FB a bit and have twitter (but literally never tweet anything). I just use it to follow bands etc. I wouldn't add anyone from OLD on FB. I did add the BF once we'd decided it was a relationship, but I have (for self preservation reasons) not looked back through his profile. I only had his first name before meeting him (this was true for everyone I met) so I couldn't pre-google him. I did get his surname on the first date and obviously I googled. Weirdly, he didn't google me for several weeks (I know that he wasn't lying about that because he really didn't know the full version of my first name, which is on my employer's website and that would have been high up the search results).

Missy is not something I'd use personally, but I always give people bonus points if they do use pet names other than "hun"

I think if you're over 30 it's acceptable not to have Facebook I mean at the end of the day who still uses Facebook it's so 2007

I think most of the people who actually use FB are over 30. Often much older. It’s become something my parents’ generation use. 😆

Good to know the general consensus is that no I won't automatically be branded a weirdo! Thanks, saves me doing something I have no real interest in. It drives me nuts how much time my son spends on IG building his followers and watching absolute rubbish.

I think you can give IG a wide berth. My youngest son spends so much of his time watching people playing video games on YouTube. I just cannot understand it. He’s too young for his own channel thankfully. The older one is totally anti-social media, although he uses discord for gaming.

I think I’d find an adult in the age group appropriate to me (I had it at 35-45) who wanted to know why I wasn’t on IG really weird. It would put me off them (rather than the other way round). That’s not so much the being on IG, but the expectation that I should be.

Ant you shouldn't feel the need to be anyone you're not just because you're OLD, if you're not into social media then just leave it. I was quite touched by a couple of guys who gave me their full name and address when we were due to meet so I had some reassurance, but I didn't think to check them out on social media. One guy was v cagey for a while about his full name. Once I had it, I understood why - a quick google uncovered his conviction for drink driving , he had told me a lot of sensitive stuff but not that, obviously both ashamed and aware I would run a mile.

Afternoon lovely people I'm after some opinions please. It's about dating somebody you've dated previously. Sorry it's prob really long and waffly

12 months after I split with XH (so 2013) I started seeing a guy who was a fairly long standing friend of my best friends brother.
( I had also had a very short fling with said guy 8 yrs previously when single just before I moved abroad to work )
I think in 2013 I probably chose him as my 'first date' after splitting up as he felt like a safe option. Anyway it didn't last above a few months and mwe split at my instigation.

But we kind of remained friends and bumped into each other occasionally due to our mutual circle.

When this happened he'd always suggest meeting up for a drink or day out somewhere and over the years we've done this occasionally and always without fail laughed ourselves sillly and had fun. Just friends tho nothing more.

I've always known though that he really likes me. But I've always had a rule that I don't go back. An ex is an ex for a reason.. my best friend has also said to me on many occasions that we should be together as she thinks we are well suited.

So we ( I'll call him Mr Ritch ) met up Saturday and had dinner. As usual lots of fun. He dropped me home and came in for coffee, this is entirely normal for us. But half an hour later he somehow managed to put his arm round me and kissed me and I found myself kissing him back!
We both kind of jumped apart then and I guess felt a bit sheepish, then he left.

He texted me next day like nothing had happened but I did feel a bit weird about it and said so.
I also told my best friend. She pointed out that Mr Ritch is a good guy, stable job, own home, would readily accept my daughter ( they already know each other a little anyway ) plus he's carried a torch for me for yrs and I've met so many crap, weird men lately on OLD. She thinks I'm making excuses to not try again with him.

Physically he's not actually the type I've been looking for and def not tall enough for me. But I'm hoping I'm not that shallow and I can see past these things and not dwell on why things went wrong 5 yrs ago.

I'm thinking I should suggest we try again.
What do you all think? Has anyone done this
And it's worked out?

Really sorry that was so long for those of you who haven't nodded off already

Yes, I have had a few messages off younger guys that thought it was weird I did not use FB or IG.
Basically they just wanted to see more pics.
Sorry I am private and dislike photos.
Also I find it really boring if people like social media too much.

I had a couple of guys asking about FB. I answered (honestly) yes to using it but no to adding them. They might want to see more photos and find out what kind of things I post about but I only add people I properly know to FB.

indie so what is the reason he is an ex, and does it still apply?

@DogDayMorning the main reason was the state of his house last time round and the general unhygienicness of it all. And I did speak to him about it at the time. My DD was 4 then and all I could think about was ' I could never bring DD here. I haven't been round for yrs so I don't know what it's like now

He now does have 2 pets though which I imagine doesn't make things any easier.

I think I’d want to check that had completely changed before getting into anything @IndieTara. You’d want to stay over and not worry about when the sheets were last washed etc.

indie I’d say check the state of the house and if all ok then go for it!

Looking for a little advice myself but too outing to post on here.wondered if anyone on here I’ve pm’d before would mind me pm’ing them for advice?thanks

I don’t think you’ve ever PMed me but I’d be quite happy for you to do it.

indie I would agree with everyone else and just check things have changed. If you told him before, then he knows it was an issue for you and hopefully he has addressed it. Tbh, if it's only that and not something emotional, at least it's not hard for him to fix!

shit - I now realise where I'm going wrong!

crustaceans thanks I have pm’d you x

@Ant330 I had a guy finish with me last year precisely because I checked him out online.
I googled him and looked at his FB, then about 4 weeks later told him I'd done it.
He said he couldn't trust me anymore and I'd fucked everything up