Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Cant, keep your options open, date both and then see which ones best (if any).

Cant I'm with the previous poster in regards to dating both. Some people just aren't good testers - then when you meet them they are entirely different. Keep your options open, it's way too early having not met either to bin one off for the other, I think you'd regret it.

Thanks @richdeniro I scared of one of my irons but he came back lol I actually just messaged him earlier to suggest maybe we were FWB and he said no we are more than that and he wants to chat more as he felt We both went a bit quiet so I'm going to up my messaging and see what happens. When I first met him Mr Grey No2 there was instant fireworks but I backed right off.

I've had a bit of an epiphany tonight instead of thinking what do they think of me I'm now trying to think what do I think of them!! They are on a test drive for me too not just the other way which I can forget.

@CantstandmLMs defo keep options open I've dumped a few guys in favour of another only to regret it.

@ focus I agree 're lots of men online that want to date for a while but you can just tell it will lead nowhere fast.
I blocked someone the other day as they were still trying to make small talk with me every few days.. I mean really. We met weeks back and they couldn't admit they would rather go out with their friends than me.
But as far as being forward? Do you mean wanting to introduce them to after a few months of dating?
Or just feeling like you are exclusive and it it for long-term even tho who knows when a relationship could end..
No one can answer this but do you think when someone starts taking their new bf or.gf to family or friend outings they are in it for the long haul?

Going Forward..

I also find it fascinating how some people just want a plus one.
Just to be in a couple in social gatherings and what not.
They did a few dates then bang plus one to everything she was doing before hand.
Wanted someone to be a yes man and be up for going out with friends and relatives all the time.
It's odd as they she seemed happy enough without a partner.
Certain people don't suit having a partner as they come as a pair and it's very dull for the likes of us single ones
I hate being the only single one esp with family. But I am my own person and prefer to chit chat one on one. Hense not like couples.

How do you stop speaking to someone when you just aren’t feeling it?

Met a guy on tinder couple of days ago, he’s phone called twice which is nice, seems ok very chatty BUT there has been a couple of thinks he’s texted/said like today he said he’s “going to kiss me” when we go out, and when I asked if I got a say in this he laughed and said no. Now I know he was joking BUT there is something about him, his hair, his accent, couple of things he’s said that I’m finding massively triggering and remind me of the person who raped me last April.

But he isn’t him and I’m being unfair as he seems a nice man. Part of me thinks bite the bullet go on the date (I like to get over my triggers) or how do I just say no thanks?

I had that recently. But said he wanted to hug and kiss me tight.
And wouldn't take no for answer.
I managed to half resist.
But weird don't just force yourself. Esp with people around.

Leather, either just block/unmatch him, or if you are feeling kind say its been nice chatting but I don't think we're suited. Give him a day or two to have read it then unmatch and block. I've done it a few times and several said thanks for letting me know. No one was a twat about it

Why do women swipe right on these weirdos?

@unique1986 yes when I mean moving forward I mean start seeing each other more most guys I've dated I saw them once a week maybe less if we had stuff on. Do boring stuff like go shopping or yes start to meet friends and family not necessarily kids. With McDreamy I will know as we both live in the same town and we haven't been out local yet so if we start going out locally I'll know he's serious as we will meet people we know our town not very big and we both know loads of people locally. I don't want to go on a local date till I'm sure. Most of my dates I'd go to the city. By end Feb that would be nearly 3 months.

@focus my wife probably did what most would recommend not to do and told me towards the end of our first date that she really liked me and if we were going to date we were doing it properly, not just once a week, and that she was in it for the long haul if I was. She moved in with me 4 weeks later, and for the most part the following 22 years were great.
So I'd say if it's the right guy, and you have good indications that he feels the same, then being direct and forward when it feels right to you shouldn't be discouraged.
Well it worked on me anyway

Even if you meet someone you click it's not always possible and necessarily sensible to meet them more than once a week.
Esp if there's bit of distance or one doesn't work 9_5pm.
I would be happy with twice a week. But it's like is a guy or girl supposed to have no life and just be waiting to shake up with someone.
Do many variables.
Not that I have much of a life but still..

rich we swipe right because we don’t know they’re weirdos until the messaging starts! TBH I swipe right on about 6/10 men (don’t swipe smokers, selfies in high vis/cab, twats with their children in the photo etc). Then when the brain freeze messages start I unmatch quick.

daffo is right about Justin not understanding one’s own emotional unavailability. I’ve learnt so much about myself thanks to OLD. I hate the idea that my learning might have been at the expense of other people but I fear it has been 😕. That said, maybe a budding relationship is all about relaxing each other’s unavailability? Talk about difficult, this dating lark is like Rubik’s Cube!

Don’t know how Justin crept in there, sorry guys!

V excited tonight - got chatted up in real life!!! Guy on a dog walk, very fit - but married, as it turns out. Oh well

Dan was that for me? To be fair I’m not sure this guy is a total weirdo, he’s just got similarities to someone who was a sadistic bastard, stuff like hair and accent, which isn’t really his fault!

But then the whole “I’m going to kiss you” yeah that’s weird I think, though a cocky joke in the way he said it.

You don’t know that when you swipe though, then they show it and for me now get a quick sense check I’m not over reacting then blocked,

I do seem to attract men who want to be dominant though, one once said to me he chose to ask me for a date as I looked like I’d put up a bit of a fight, I mean WTF?? Maybe I have a look about me, could do with it bogging off though

I get the opposite leather, they somehow perceive a dominatrix when I’m just trying to be nice

Perhaps it’s my glasses

My iron is being very sweet. I feel guilty about the planned other date now, but I've had to reschedule that anyway and I may cancel altogether yet. Still having plenty of xh trouble any way without additional mither.

Dog fucked up isn’t it, and just makes me think they are defining you purely based on sexuality! Not as a person

I’m going to delete this iron on WA and Tinder, read back to work out what triggering and he’s also said I’m a “naughty girl” for being late thing morning, and made a veiled reference to erotica. Another one with that kind of fantasy, FML!

Warls I stuck to single iron and single dates and it just leads to over investment and hurt. You are doing nothing wrong x

Yy on one hand my iron knows I haven't got time to be a proper girlfriend anyway (I have said this directly) and this is my first go at dating since my marriage ended. He is a sweet guy but perhaps a little too sweet /grateful and I don't want to leap in just because he's 'not a bastard'

And the potential iron, well he is more local, looks very interesting, and is very polite and is not a direct OLD date. I suspect I would regret ruling him out without meeting to see if there's a frisson iykwim.

Tbh I'm partly interested because he's (potential iron) already made a bit of an effort and there's been a little bit of anticipation where I followed him on IG, I liked some of his generic pictures, he followed me back and liked the pictures of me then he requested me on fb and I accepted, then I waited... And later that day he asked me out. No faffing, a direct can I take you out. Which I liked. And he's only 10 mins away lol

Tell you what, these older men don't invite you for Netflix and chill. I like that.

By older I just mean my own age and up as opposed to youngsters.