Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Thanks, crappy day.

I've rejoined Tinder. No matches in my first day, but now I've apparently got 3 pending matches. I've been swiping solidly for 5-10 mins but nothing has taken.

Bumble is also now telling me there are "tons" of new people on the app, although non are swiping on me.

Starting to feel like I should just accept the fact I'm going to be on my own

I don’t think there’s a rule about first date sex. And I think it really does depend on you.

I’m terrible at first date sex. I somehow feel obliged to turn it into a relationship, which is stupid. That’s how I ended up with my ex (for 10 years). In fact, I didn’t actually want first date sex but he kind of ended up at my hotel room and I didn’t feel like I should send him home. So then I stupidly (so stupidly) decided to try to make it work.

So I promised myself that I would definitely not shag anyone I wasn’t already sure I wanted a relationship with. I totally could have (and would have) taken then BF home on our first date but I decided to wait, not least so I could see how I felt about him when I woke up the next morning (on my own).

But that’s all about me. Taking him home the first time wouldn’t have changed how he felt about me. He’d just have been delighted about getting to sleep with me. 😆

If the OLD apps aren’t working for you, I think the meet-up suggestion is a good one. It might help you to meet someone in a lower stakes situation.

@Dan89 sadly you have to give it time and persevere! It can become quite addictive and more and more frustrating when you don't get any matches. It might be better to set aside a set amount of time each day to go on the apps and swipe. It can actually take over your life and I'm not even joking. When it stops being fun, best to come off for a while (which is what I;m doing) - although not sure I've ever found it fun.
Do you go our socialising much to perhaps meet someone irl?

@dog just got this...

Dusty I don't know about you but I'd find those irritating. Well enough to work in Birmingham = well enough to send a message

@Dan89 would you like to pm me your profile/link to it for a nosey?

Also you need people to have had a chance to see you and swipe on you before you might get a match so give it at least 3 or 4 days to catch up with the occasional users. I keep hiding my profile and then have a remind myself I'm not getting matches while no one can see me, duh

@War I replied “it doesn’t take a minute to send a text”. He said “I know. Sorry”. Are men really that thick?

@Dan89 I'd look at your profile for you. I'll be honest with you I had someone do the same for me!

Yeah I take the point about small Willies and I didn't go into much detail as too much info. My 9.5 🌟 was not big but a wonderful lover.

The smaller ones I was just disappointed as they seemed to want blow jobs and come asap without touching me. Yes I know one can teach but I don't really want to get into that as they think they are amazing as they are. Also the constant references to anal sex, squirting, I'm just saying it hasn't been as much fun as I envisaged. It all seems so porn by numbers and I yearn for some sensuality too.

As I say, it's not so much the size, I just met selfish men who seemed to think they're God's gift, smaller penis notwithstanding.

Anyone that struggles to get dates I would recommend longer distance dating.
Even if it doesn't work long term.
It helps your confidence and your more likely to find someone you have a few things in common with.
Searching within 20 miles has never helped me meet a decent guy in the past. Helps with your geography too lol

@unique1986 mine is set to

Shit I agree, man with massive willy I met was rubbish, but man with pencil willy just really did it for me, I don’t think I would want to judge them on that any more than the size of my boobs or my wrinkly tummy, it’s all about the skills!

Interesting persctives on the first date sex, I suppose I wouldn’t want to see someone who judges me again no. But Rich that’s useful as it never bothered me but now I’m looking for more I don’t want to have sex just for the sake of it.

I just don’t like the “Make them wait to keep them” thing as it feels false and game playing. But turning that round do “wait because then if they hang around they actually want you not a shag” works for me.

I just matched an iron, gave him my number and he called straight away, I was so surprised I answered and it was really nice not the endless texting. Plus to be honest I don’t actually fancy him on photos (bit too thin for my taste) but now I’m thinking I’ll give it a go because of how confident and chilled he is. Never had anyone just call before always the endeless texts!! Might start doing it myself 😂

Sex on first date - nope, everything but is fine if there is any sort of mutual attraction. A misspent youth taught me first date sex always made me feel wretched, and was rarely if ever any good. Now we have texting I’ve found a good snog and a fondle on the first date, followed by a full and frank discussion by text about whether to progress to DTD, has worked very well indeed

I loved my misspent youth 🤭
Hate any text conversation about sex though unless it's with someone I'm actually already in a sexual relationship with.
Planned sex just doesn't do it for me

Gah dusty! I suggest sleeping on it

Azziz classy men! The porn thing has a lot to answer for.

I'd hate to have planned it with them as I might not want to for some reason. However I was careful that the second date would be suitable for turning into DTD if necessary and went equipped

I think a good snog to end the first date is a good outcome myself, if there's a bit of a sizzle. I think I'd only DTD on the first date if they were attractive but I wasn't planning for it to be a relationship.

crappyday and Dan I have the same problem. I've been on and off OLD for over 2 years now with very little success. I've tried various photos and profiles. Lots of people, that both know me or don't know, have looked at my profile. And have all said my profile and photos are good.
Yet I get very little interest. If I'm lucky I might get one match on Tinder. Even if I swipe right on 99% of them.
It's hard not to take it personally.

Unique distance can only work if you have the time to travel. If you have kids that need sitters then that means extra cost.
My kids can be left alone but I couldn't travel too far away from them in the evening.

@dog I will do. These men need to step up, ffs!

Do those of you struggling to get matches use any filters or anything. Not to sound conceited but I get lots of matches and 3/4 irons have said I stood out because I don’t use filters, have photos of me doing stuff e.g on a boat, with my horse etc.

It isn’t boasting but maybe advice? Definitely not boasting as none of the fuckers hang around when they’ve met me 😂🙄

@Warlspeace
I don't do long distance driving either.
Train if it's not local towns.
But yeh obv you need bit more free time.

Leatherandsilk I don't use any filters. I have a couple of photos of just me, smiling. Head and shoulders and full length. Plus a couple of me doing stuff - one of my sports and one with friends.
On POF I get lots of messages that say "stunning", "so sexy", "I so would" etc etc. but they're from blokes who look like they'd message anything vaguely female.

Dan89 I'd be happy to take a look at your profile. If 89 is your year of birth I'm very close to you age wise, and help out my male and female friends all the time with their profiles, I'm the one with the witty personality so I can make profiles sound good.

Today is the day I'm finally going to snap with snapchat filters as profile pictures. Who in their right mind thinks a picture turning them into a dog is going to attract the opposite sex?! I get it turns a 4/10 profile into a 5.5/10 but they are hideous. And make me believe people are hiding something!