Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Date arranged with ms storm for tomorrow night
On my phone atm, will catch up properly in a bit

@dog he doesn’t come to mine as my 20yr old son lives with me, where he lives alone. He seems to have a very busy schedule, and I don’t, so I know I have time to think I’m being ignored. I just want to text him & either ask outright “what is this?” or arrange to see him & ask, but friends are saying “DON’T TEXT HIM”. At my age, do I still play these games?!!! I’m definitely feeling the Sunday blues.

I think the sleeping with someone on the first date is a tricky one. I prefer not to sleep with someone on the first date if I am hoping for a relationship out of it, I don’t want someone thinking I’m easy and I think I would feel the same about them “if he slept with me on the first date how many others has he done it with?”, but if I’m on a date with someone I fancy but am not bothered about a relationship then why not?

I think wait to ask him face to face dusty. Very difficult to word a text about it that really works, and you don’t hac any body language in the reply

I'm having a minor dilemma

I'm dating an iron, exclusively. But it's only been 4 weeks and seen 1 or 2 x week so low key. He's keen, I'm unsure. It's not really got long term prospects. 1st go at dating in long time.

Been asked out by an interesting man, have arranged a daytime brew. He knows I'm sort of dating someone.

That's not terrible is it

@DogDayMorning, you're absolutely right, life is too short, and you have the right to know what's going on - it is your life, after all!

Find an event or a restaurant that you fancy the look of and send him a link to it. Say "fancy going to this?" And await your answer. His reply will tell you all you need to know.

Good luck!

Sorry @Dusty, maybe you could try this too?

I slept with my XH on our first date (within literally 20 mins...) and while he is now an ex, we were together for 11 years. So I say go for it!

And any iron who would judge you for it, do you really want a second date with someone who would judge you like that?

@dog yeah, that’s what my gut is saying! I’ve just posted a pass-agg meme on my WhatsApp! It says “So you forgot how to use your phone, then don’t be surprised if I don’t answer”

@rolls I think that’s a great suggestion. I’m just sick of games at my old age!!

Boys on the thread, what is your opinion of sex on the 1st date?

If I like the person it's not going to make any difference in how I perceive them however I think most guys will sleep with someone regardless of whether they see it progressing or not so it might make you feel worse the next day if you do get a rejection kinda text. Chances are that having sex with have no bearing on whether they were going to move it forward or not.

I’m sick of feeling shit & wondering, so I just sent the guy I don’t even know if I was seeing (!!!) this:

“Hey. Hope you’re well. Was kind of hoping to have spoken or seen you, but assuming you’re busy. I kind of get the feeling we might want different things, in that respect, so probably best we leave it. Take care.”

Now I’m having a wee cry & feeling sorry for myself. I’ll be over it momentarily

Joining the thread as I actually have something dating wise to share for a change

Have been single for over 2 years, occasionally look at OLD for a week, remember why it’s not much fun a lot of the time and delete again.

I am in a group as a volunteer and also on the committee, and over the past months have spent a bit of time getting to know someone on the committee, leading to a date later this week. Nervous, nervous..

I have no idea if I am attracted to him, I just know I should be as not only is he intelligent and funny, he does a lot of helping for this group so I already know he is a genuine good person.. but I am not sure if I don’t feel it or if I am trying to sabotage before it starts, as although I am confident in social situations and work, dating turns me into an insecure wreck!

Re the sex on the first date thing. I always took the attitude that if I wanted to sleep with someone I would, first date or not. I never had any expectations about what might happen after, I'd deal with that as and when it occurred. Like another poster has said, if someone was going to judge me for it I wouldn't want to see them again anyway so I'd have chalked it down as an itch scratched and sent them on their way.
As it happened I didn't actually date anyone I liked enough to sleep with until my now BF who I did everything apart from sleep with on our first date. That was only due to the fact I hadn't actually expected to like him and so hadn't bothered tidying the house before I left 😆
We dtd on our second date 😬

Even worse than the let's be friends is the dreaded 👻ing. The thing I find quite amazing is people talking about getting itches scratched. Do you cop a look at the goods first?
I hate being asked for pictures and getting dick pics but honestly I must be jinxed.

I have come across that many small Willies, willies that go off instantly, absolutely crap selfish sex. There genuinely is only two that I would rate above a 5 and the 9.5 🌟 one ghosted me typically.
Naturally the small Willies are up for getting together again!! 😨😩😭 But even they act like they're king dong sometimes.

Where is the guarantee I want to know!?

Ah dusty we all need a good cry sometimes and sounds like your doubts were making you so upset it was best just to lance the wound. Onwards and upwards, your text was awesome 😎

Sex on first date - nope, everything but is fine if there is any sort of mutual attraction. A misspent youth taught me first date sex always made me feel wretched, and was rarely if ever any good. Now we have texting I’ve found a good snog and a fondle on the first date, followed by a full and frank discussion by text about whether to progress to DTD, has worked very well indeed

I should have said, it’s not what they think of you more than what you think of them, after all

@Azzizam 🤣🤣🤣 oh this is too funny I hear you!! I didn't have sex for years when I was married so I was terrified getting back into the saddle so to speak - I have DTD with a number and I've seen it all - to be fair I think it's up to us as women to educate guys if a women hasn't told their man they are shit in bed then they will be shit. Same goes for women I'm sure guys will think some of us are shit in bed too!! As for the small willy this doesn't bother me so much as what they do with it 😉😉😉 just cause a guy has a big willy doesn't mean it will be good!! I think the sex is a good indicator of the type of man and how in to you he is. McDreamy is perfect size wise and he's not selfish so I'm happy 😊😊😊

@Dan89 Its not just you. I have no luck whatsoever. I make sure I have decent pictures and a good range. My bio doesn't say loads but enough to give an indication of what I like. I get very few matches and then those I do match with usually don't reply or disappear as soon as I message.
What amazes me is that on LOADS of men's profiles, they state how much they hate the 'filters' and I have none. Maybe i need them haha.
What I'm saying is that there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason. All you can do is make your profile the best you can and just persevere. Unfortunately for me I've had to give up for now.

@dog thank you darling. The bloody message is still on undelivered, so he might have blocked me! haha x