Dating thread 145: new year new adventures

[Notcoolmum]

apparentlyacatch I’m sorry to be such a mum but please don’t invite men round to your house in the first date. You are putting yourself in a v vulnerable position. These men are strangers and you know nothing more about them than what they have chosen to tell you.

He now knows where you live, what possessions you have, seen pictures of your kids, your car, where you put your keys etc.

So 3rd date tonight with Mr S and we are totally DTD! Excited and nervous!!

Just catching up on threads @BeyondShattered I had a similar brain wave this morning stop playing games so I sent a flirty message to McDreamy this morning after no contact from him yesterday and that resulted in a Sunday morning booty call 🙈🙈🙈 never done that in my life!! Previously I'd have sent a needy you ok message but this worked out much better 🤣🤣🤣 so full steam ahead with him he's looking forward to our future dates so I'm going to chill!!!

Yay focus!

Ms storm - “And not to sound too forward as I don't just jump into bed with just anyone but if you did have it in mind.....I can't do anything as I'm on but I'm here for your services“
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve graduated from friendly... 😂

Thanks batshit, London is always something I've done with partners,probably only a handful of times as i'm up in the midlands. I can just see myself getting on a tube and heading off to the m25 or something! I'm trying to study the layout. If not I shall just walk,look at old buildings,have a coffee and soak up city life. And come again next month when I've found my feet and do proper sites. Who needs a man eh!

@BeyondShattered 🤣🤣🤣 yeah you're not friends!! Sometimes we just need to put ourselves out there - good luck!!

men apparently have it hard as women have so much choice

I’m not sure this is actually true. I think men just say it a lot.

The different swiping preferences of men and women might make it feel like it’s true to men. Because they so often swipe on everyone (and choose later) but will get few matches from that because many women are doing a stringent initial sort at the swiping stage. That will likely also mean that women’s swipes feel like they have a higher hit rate* (but then we get the problems of no messages and no responses despite the match so often reported on here).

It’s probably swings and roundabouts and just not easy for anyone. Alas.

I also think that the kissing a lot of frogs metaphor often involves little actual kissing. It’s more sifting through loads of people in the hope you’ll find a small number of people who’ll meet you, and only a few of them will be people you’d consider kissing in the first place.

• not that I ever felt like I was getting loads of matches. I did find it funny that things like changing how I described my work made a difference. If I used the term that fewer people recognise, I definitely got more matches. I got almost none if they realised what I actually do (and I assume they were bothered that it meant I must be clever).

From my own point of view, yes, men have it hard on old.

Guys, is it possible just to not be attractive enough to be successful on OLD? I've seen women's profiles that I can't understand why they posted them, mainly as the photos are very poor and do them no justice, and the bios are very negative. Likewise, scoping out the competition, I've seen men's profiles where every pic is a gormless selfie obviously taken in their bedroom /lounge, with a bio like "will fill this in later"

I've tried a range of pics and range of bios with the net result of very few matches, and I'm just having to conclude that the guy in the pics (me) just isn't what women are looking for

Its awful @Crustaceans for us guys. I think location has a lot to do with it, in London I do wonder if women literally have so much choice that they end up serial dating and get into the mindset that there is a perfect guy out there and end up with unrealistic expectations because someone better might only be one swipe away.

I've been OLD for over 3 years and have barely had any luck from it and I do think I am a catch without wanting to sound big headed.

@Dan89 re the attractiveness thing, that's an interesting one. My best friend is attractive and did have a good few dates but was years before she found anyone she could date. Her friend who has a busy, fascinating job, decent person, reasonably ok looking but not who id class as that pretty, never got any swipes though she met more people IRL. So I believe men do focus on looks. But flip side, I chatted to a bloke last year and he wasn't that attractive in my eyes but he was juggling about 15 girls, I believe because he was confident, had a quirky profile, and tbh I think because he hinted he had a lucrative job a lot so $$$$. I swiped on him because his profile was quirky but without that, it would have been a no from me.

Ooh go you, @Focus2019 and @BeyondShattered!

@user you'll be fine, honestly!

Well I'm sort of all over the place. MNing to try to keep my mind off things.
Mr Cars, rang me yesterday evening while driving home from work (he said it was a 3 hour drive). We were chatting for a while, then he had to stop to get petrol and I had to go across to the shop. So he said, how long will you be gone, and I said 5 minutes, so he said, fine, I'll call you in 5.

Heard nothing from him for 3 hours. Then, I had two missed calls from him and a voice message just saying 'I was in a car crash on the way home, call me back'.

By the time I saw the missed calls, it was about 15 minutes later, so I called him back, no answer. Not answering phone (sometimes it goes to voicemail, sometimes just rings out), hasn't seen Whatsapp messages.
Kinda going out of my mind here.
He races cars for a living, so I don't know what sort of a driver he is in normal driving.
I've gone from thinking he's dead, to he's in hospital, to he's in a police cell or something. Don't know what to be thinking.

That must be grim almuta if police were on the scene they may have taken his phone. All you can do is keep busy and try not to dwell 💐

Things are still pretty slow on POF for me, can’t find anyone who’s my type. I think I have a new FWB, he’s a old iron who has a nice body but isn’t particularly good looking, we haven’t got much in common so I don’t think there’s any chance of me having feelings for him (perfect FWB material), we are meeting next weekend unless I find someone who is relationship material, I have a itch that needs scratching.

So I was talking to a man on Tinder last night, he seemed really nice until he started slagging of something that I am quite passionate about (he didn’t know it was something I’m into until after he slagged it off) so I think he’s a no go .

I find it hard to find anyone similar to me, I’m pretty laid back, a bit of a hippy, not very feminine (I like fixing cars and doing diy) and I have quite a few hobbies involving the outdoors. I love nature and although I’m not a vegetarian I am careful where my food comes from and what I eat. All the men on POF seem to be unhealthy, like to sit on the Xbox or go out on the piss and that’s just not me

@Lovemusic33 have you tried meetups as you have lots of interests so that might suit. My friend met her partner on a walking one touring London

I have Eesha but because I’m quite rural there’s nothing near by. I am in a few groups linked to one of my hobbies and have met a couple people off there but not relationship type people, though it’s always good to make new friends.

Can I join in please?

I’m new to MN (& obvs this thread), so please do give me pointers if I need them! I read the post about “rules”.

I started OLD last year & met a few guys, kind of hook up situations, but decided at my age, I’d like more.

Been “seeing someone” but on another thread realised (I am a dumb arse!) that it’s a hook up thing too! facepalm

So, back to OLD.

I found I met more guys / chatted to more on Tinder. Utter crap on OKC. And I used POF years ago & gave up. What’s you’re fave site & gimme some tips. This old bird needs as much help as she can get!!

@DustyMcDustbuster welcome!

I met my bf on badoo. Full of weirdos but I loved it 😂

Are people not 're joining pof anymore?
New user rate is rubbish.
I've unhidden my profile but can't see I'll have much luck again.
Always preferred being hidden..

@wishywashy6 - new one for me to try! Lol. I looked at Bumble but wasn’t keen.

Dusty I’m old and like Tinder best, plenty of traffic. Once I turned 56 tinder dried up though, so i deleted my profile. if/when I go back I’m going to lie about my age by three years, so I’m still in the ‘up to 55’ bracket. I hate lying but I don’t think I’m the first to lie about age on Tinder! And I don’t think I quite look my age

Boys on the thread, what is your opinion of sex on the 1st date?

Just confused as I did with one iron and it was wonderful but got a “let’s be friends” the next day and some snarky texts about “there must be a lot of stories about you”, which made me feel shit until I realised he’d done the same thing

Then listened to a friends advice and didn’t with the last date, who has since sort of intimated it was hard for him to walk away and it was my prudishness that put him off!

Can’t bloody win and wanted a male POV. My friend says if you have sexnthwy basically don’t value you and think you’ve been round the block. But if I want to I want to and saying no is a lie!

dusty how did you work out in the end that your guy was just a hookup? I’m seeing someone and 90% of the time I think it’s for real, but I get the doubts sometimes 😕

Mr Car is alive!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fucking hell, I can't believe how stressed I was about someone I've never met. It was just not knowing and imagining all sorts of mad things. Now that he has contacted me I want to kill him lol. Anyway, he has just messaged that he's trying to get a lift home from hospital and will call me in a bit. Fucking hell. The stress! And that's what he does for a living. Races cars! He spent 6 months in a coma after a fall from his motorbike at the TT races. And he just doesn't seem to have the fear gene at all. No idea what happened with the car crash yet, just happy to know he's alive.

I find Happn is good. I couldn't make head nor tail of tinder. I use POF also.

@dog I’d definitely do that with the age thing!!!

With this guy, I only ever go to his. We don’t go out. He did say a few weeks ago (after I’d said I couldn’t come over as had period) to come over anyway, but he doesn’t seem to want to communicate. I like a bit of attention! Lol.

The others, either I shagged them & then no communication after or only contacted me being obvious about wanting a shag. I’ve got quite discouraged by it all, tbh. Part of me thinks, should I just settle for that kind of thing??

dusty I would say never settle, ever, but do be clear in your own mind about what you want. This can take time to establish and may change. It sounds like you may have moved on in your needs from what you were happy with a while back. In which case it’s unlikely that your guy will move on in the same direction with you - but maybe worth discussing?

Meant to say - my guy and I don’t go out, too busy at home IYSWIM, but we are equally at his and mine and we text ALL the time. It’s just that our schedules mean we haven’t met that often, so sometimes I wonder. Ugh probably just Sunday afternoon blues