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Original poster

Great first date but I've not heard from him since

153 replies

lostindreams · 09/01/2019 21:29

Met up on Saturday. Thought it would just be a quick coffee in the afternoon but we stayed out for 7 hours and had dinner. He had vague plans with his friends that evening but stayed out with me instead. No kiss at the end of the night but I did send him a message after saying I had a great time and we should do it again soon. He replied straightaway agreeing but now nothing! There was definitely chemistry.

Why stay out so long with someone if you're not that bothered?! Some of my friends think I should just text him but I feel like I've made it obvious I'm keen already.

OP posts:
Tweety1981 · 10/01/2019 01:16

That’s guys for you . Don’t text him . Just wait for him to ask you out again . If he doesn’t it’s his loss !

Keep yourself busy and keep it easy going , after all uve only had one date ...

Tweety1981 · 10/01/2019 01:21

Guys do wierd things ,.. when I first met my husband ( in the first few months ) my husband never asked me my phone number for months .. despite regularly meeting with me and seeing him around at university .... he used to go home to his family and I wouldn’t hear from him for weeks .. and he used to arrange to meet me via Facebook messages !!

I was so relaxed about the whole thing that I just carried on with things and kept busy .. did wonder why he never asked me for my number but never asked him ....

Anyway now we are married and of course he calls and messages all the time when we aren’t together ..

You just don’t know what’s going to happen after one date ... you just need to sit back and enjoy the moments ...

MumsyJ · 10/01/2019 04:31

You've done your bit. Time for him to do his. Don't text him again. He's probably thinking you're head over heels since you were the one that initiated the date as well as the post date text.
Personally, I let the men make the first moves... I'm very traditional like that. X

Mrstwiddle · 10/01/2019 04:41

Another don’t text. If he’s into you, you’ll know, agree it’s not looking v promising.

50ShadesOfCrayCray · 10/01/2019 04:50

I wouldn't text. In my experience (did quite a lot of dating before meeting OH and settling down) they will message straight after the date to arrange the next, the next day if they are trying to play it cool. If I'd already suggested meeting again and they'd not then taken the initiative I'd just leave it and chalk it up to experience. Dating is very fast paced these days and it's not difficult to have a few different dates planned over the course of a week. And also if the relationship developed I wouldn't personally want to have to initiate everything.
I had a few dates that I really enjoyed but just didn't find them attractive or didn't feel a romantic spark, this may be the case. It doesn't mean he didn't enjoy your time together.

DitzyPrints · 10/01/2019 06:45

You text him and he replied so it’s for you to text again surely? I would sent a quick text later today

booboo24 · 10/01/2019 07:34

I'm on the 'don't text' side. He knows loud and clear that you're interested if you asked for the initial date, and you sent after the date suggesting that you do it again. I'm old fashioned, but I do believe that men should (& like) to chase. I don't mean by playing games or that women should sit there coyly and wait to be woo'd!!! But the thrill of the chase and all that......

Personally I think if you send again it will come off as a bit desperate. He knows where you are, he may be playing it cool, but to be honest I'd have expected at least a polite catch up since Saturday by today. Fingers crossed for you, I hope you hear from him

RowenaFlower · 10/01/2019 07:48

I also think it doesn’t look promising, I hope I am wrong, and base my opinion only on my own experience, but when I have met met who have gone on to be genuine boyfriend types there’s never this ambiguity to start.

Notcoolmum · 10/01/2019 07:53

How annoying. It was just one date so time to invest in the next one?

It might be he’s busy and you said he’s away this weekend so he knows he can’t arrange anything. It if he’s this hard work and he’s only just met you imagine it further down the line?

dangerrabbit · 10/01/2019 08:05

Text him suggesting a specific date to meet then if he would like to meet but can’t make that date he’ll suggest another time and place.

wishywashy6 · 10/01/2019 08:14

I'm in the text him camp, that way you can either draw a line under it or start looking forward to the next date! Either way it's better than wondering.

Trills · 10/01/2019 08:26

If you do text, what's the worst that could happen?

MissWilmottsGhost · 10/01/2019 08:28

You saw him Saturday. 4 days is nothing Confused

Do people expect daily contact from a relative stranger now? Just because things went well you can't expect to suddenly jump straight to best friends. Give it time or you will come across as rather desperate.

Surely the next step is to make plans for the weekend?

I don't even start thinking about the weekend before Wednesday Blush

booboo24 · 10/01/2019 08:30

Just to add to my post earlier..what if you text and he agrees just like the first time, you go out, have another great date and then this happens again? He could agree because he hates being the one to have to say no, if think this was his way of not having another date (I'm the female equivalent here! I hated having to turn them down!) I hope that I'm wrong, I just thought better to test his steel now!

everydaymum · 10/01/2019 08:38

I'd wait. It's less than a week. He could be really busy, he could be dating others, who knows - but you've only had one date and whilst contact sooner rather than later would be nice, he doesn't 'owe' you a call.

You asked him out, now wait and give him the chance to ask you out. If he doesn't he's not keen.

I've known guys who will go out on a date with a girl if asked, but aren't keen enough to ask the same girl out themselves.

Katgurl · 10/01/2019 09:04

Stop chasing. He is far too relaxed. He knows you're interested. He can sit back and explore other options and get back to you if nothing looks promising for this weekend.

Don't text again.

Make plans fir this weekend. Set up a date with somebody else for next week.

If he gets back in touch great but don't be too available. Be too busy for last minute plans and be vague about why - "oh I'd love to, I've something else on, what a shame."

Don't get into meandering text convos that lead nowhere late at night. He's just bored. Answer the next day. Be friendly, flirty, fun and brief. He will wonder what you were doing the night before and get anxious about getting something arranged with you. He will feel lucky to get your reply because he had to wait for it.

Guys will often date girls they aren't pushed on for sex or company or an ego boost. You want to weed the messers out early. You also want to send a clear message that you have your own life, your own standards and if someone is coming into your life they are lucky and will have to meet your standards.

IamIwas · 10/01/2019 09:04

I wouldn’t personally text although no harm if you did.

ThisHasReallyPIssedMeOff · 10/01/2019 09:13

Don't text him. If the last text was from you then the ball is already in his court. And you'll feel bad about yourself if he doesn't reply to that.

Assuming you met him online. I met a guy for a lunchtime drink once and didn't get home until 1am. It was a 12 hour date! I had an enjoyable time but that was it - I didn't want to see him again. I liked him although there were things about him that weren't 'bad' but were just incompatible with my life/lifestyle.

I also texted him afterwards to thank him for a great date and he replied the same.

I sort of thought I might message him at some point over the next couple of days. But didn't.

When you're online dating, the first date is more of a 'pre-date' because you don't know them. It's perfectily reasonable to have a lovely time with a person but not want a relationship with them or even to see them again.

IDECLAREBANKRUPTCY · 10/01/2019 09:58

I think since you asked him out and already followed up, it's up to him to make the next move.

VietnameseCrispyFish · 10/01/2019 10:22

Dating should have some balance to it. Given that you asked him out on this date, it’s his turn now to invite you on a date: he hasn’t, despite you suggesting that you go out again (your message after the date). So far you’ve been the one to ask him out first, the first to message after saying you had a great time and you’ve suggested meeting again. His lack of even bothering to message you in four days let alone asking you out again speaks volumes. He’s not remotely into you.

puzzledlady · 10/01/2019 10:27

I wouldn’t. I think he just not that into you. Sorry op

NekoShiro · 10/01/2019 11:14

How do people find partners when playing all these mind games? Feels like a very dated way of thinking about dating, lots of rules and messing around instead of just enjoying it.

You can't of liked him that much if you're ready to bin him off cus he didn't text you first when you didn't bother to text him either, maybe you're both to busy playing the waiting game of who texts first that you've missed out on what could of been a great relationship, or maybe he isn't that interested, I don't know but you'll never know either.

Notcoolmum · 10/01/2019 11:26

niko she has texted him. She’s not played any games.

But being mindful of how someone treats you in this age of OLD is I’m afraid a necessary evil. We carry around a multitude of potential options waiting for us to swipe on them at any moment. This has definitely changed the face of dating and meeting people.

TheStoic · 10/01/2019 11:40

I would absolutely text. If the response isn’t clearly enthusiastic, draw a line and move on.

Nothing lost...even dignity.

NekoShiro · 10/01/2019 12:00

She texted him at the end of Saturday after they'd spent the whole day together, and is refusing to text again as she feels like the man should text first, I consider that a mind game that you're playing with yourself, because you can text someone you like as soon as you want too without having to scrutinise every aspect of it.

People are saying because she text him last that its now his turn which I think is a very dated way of thinking about communication, how do you know what someone's like if you're not going to even try to talk to them unless they've followed an insignificant self imposed rule about the order of who texts who, these arnt letters that we're sending, I don't wait for someone to say hello to me first in person because I said bye to them last the last conversation we had together.

I'm just trying to say that I'm surprised by a lot of these responses, I feel like I'm watching a 80s/90s sitcom of high school girls waiting by the phone not wanting to make the first move incase it makes them look 'desperate' when its just meaningless, just talk to people, text him the day after if you liked him, see if he wants to keep the conversation going too, maybe he doesn't but at least you'd know for sure and could move on confidently knowing that you weren't compatible, but instead you're sat around waiting on him and he's probably doing the same thing and its sad to think about, makes me think of that saying 'You miss 100% of the chances you don't take'

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