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Original poster

Am I in the wrong?

169 replies

LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 18:13

Hello I am new to this forum and need to vent and ask some advice please
My names laura and Im a mother of one and expecting my second next month
I don’t know if it’s my
Hormones or I’m having a rational feeling of guilt. I met my boyfriend a year ago and we never used anything and I got pregnant ( my other child is diff father) my boyfriend had a fling with another woman and got her pregnant too, ( before he met
Me) he didn’t see the child and to be honest I didn’t want him to am I a horrible person? He has been very hands on with my child and he is now happy we are about to have our first child together but I can’t help wondering if he didn’t want anything to do with the other child will he do the same to me?
He didn’t have any relationship with the other woman and he said he didn’t like her at all just that she was a “pass around f*ck” between him and his friends. He went to her birth and saw her a few times but then stopped, I told him not to talk about her around me and that she wasn’t welcome around my house. Am I a bad person? Will this come back on me ? I just couldn’t stand it that he had a child with someone else and I don’t now why
He loves and adores me and my daughter and does everything for us the only thing he does for his own child is pay support because the other woman went through the proper
Authorities to get regular payment. I’m now worried if we ever split up he will abandon our child too but would he do that seeing as he loves me? And he will be more involved with our child ?

OP posts:
Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 21:08

I come for advice I KNOW I have been a cunt, your also trying to belittle me for spelling. I can take the comments and critisizm as I now I’ve done wrong but get off your high horse just because you have good grammar.

OP posts:
MamaLovesMango · 04/01/2019 21:09

His brother also has a “thing” for me and I’ve kind of upset his long term gf about it all as I told her he flirted and my bf doesn’t talk to his brother now over this he must love me to be so protective and to have believed my side

Oh please. 0/10.

MamaLovesMango · 04/01/2019 21:09

Wrong.

I have good grammar AND morals.

AnyFucker · 04/01/2019 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lizzie1970a · 04/01/2019 21:11

The advice is ditch him. He's bad news. That's it. I think everyone would be in agreement with that. How you can't see it I don't know.

Your parents have failed you if they think he's something to be encouraged. Unless this is the norm for them too.

Chaoticpenguin · 04/01/2019 21:12

I was gonna say if she was a pass about then a dna would be wise but you’ve done that.
He didn’t cheat and this was before he met you as in the conception. I’m not sure why you would resent the child or even mother as she wasn’t an ow in this case.

I think you were overprotective of your family. It sounds like it’s his choice with the lack of contact which is really shitty of him. You stopping him shouldn’t of made a difference to his descision as he knows what the right thing to do is even if it screwed your relationship up.
I’m not going to have a go at you as I can kinda see why you may have done/said what you did. You have no competition with her at all so inviting her round shouldn’t make you feel worried. This was before you so you really shouldn’t worry.

He really should see his child end of and there would be no reason the child or ex can’t come round to you.
I think maybe worry hormones etc have clouded your judgement here.
Your baby has a step sister and OH has a child there should honestly be contact.
Yes you really shouldn’t have got involved in what happens between other child and their father your OH.

All I can say is make amends now! Say sorry to the woman and invite them round. If OH disagrees after you accept the situation then it really shows what a shit he is and may do the same to you if he left you.

Xxxx

Bertiebitch32 · 04/01/2019 21:14

Jeremy Kyle is that way 👉

Here enjoy your Biscuit

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 21:14

My mom didn’t want me to have another child and was upset when we announced it. She hasn’t said but I definatly now why she wasn’t happy, I am stupid. Stupid I’ve got myself in the same position I was in 5 years ago with my first child. I think I have no confidence or self esteem and just latch onto people. I can’t split from him I want to make a go other than this our relationship is great he’s not nasty in any other way except for abandoning his child it will always weigh over us and one day his child will want answers. I’m going to just keep on at him to see her there’s nothing more I can do is there

OP posts:
Ozziewozzie · 04/01/2019 21:16

Hi
I think you’ve received the responses you have on here because maybe it was how you’ve put things across.

I feel that your bf is the lovely guy you believe him to be. Hebpissibly described the ow as a ‘pass around fuck’ because he desperately wanted you to feel better about the situation.
He was unlikely to say ‘well actually she’s quite lovely’ With that in mind, I don’t think it’s fair to assume he’s an absolute dick.

I do however get the impression that you are both really young and perhaps don’t make the best judgments. A little child you know of is growing up without it’s daddy. Now if your bf is so lovely, how can you deny that little one experiencing that. Particularly when your child (not his) gets to.
Try and put the shoe on the other foot.
I understand it will unsettle you, and at first it will be hard, but hold your head up high and do the right thing. If your bf doesn’t want to see his child despite your supporting it then I’d definately be concerned for your own children. It sounds as though your bf wants to say and do anything to please you.

Imagine in 15 years that child knocking on your door to ask her dad where’s he’s been and finding out he’s got another child he adores and has been there for.
Your bf doesn’t have to spend any time with ow.

If you get this right, you’ll be setting a great example to your children. Plus, it’s the one chance you can give your bf to see how he handles the situation. Good luck

lizzie1970a · 04/01/2019 21:17

Yep, you've all made your beds and now need to lie in them. Whatever you do don't have another with him, get a decent job to support yourself when he does eventually leave and don't get anything in joint names. Damage limitation. This relationship pretty much has an expiry date on it so keep that in mind.

LASH38 · 04/01/2019 21:19

One day your child will want answers. You’ll already have to explain why their older sibling has a father that doesn’t bother with them. You’ll probably also have to explain why their father doesn’t bother with them or their other half sibling that they most likely won’t know.

Good luck with that.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 21:19

Thankyou for your reply I am going to keep on at him and I do think he does and says to please me but won’t he just end up resenting me for the way I was about it before? I think he will always have doubts if he does see his child that I’ll be angry with him or something even though I’ve told him I won’t be now

OP posts:
Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 21:20

We were going to try straight after this lo is born for another child but now I’m changing my mind

OP posts:
Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 21:21

I have a job.

OP posts:
MamaLovesMango · 04/01/2019 21:21

We were going to try straight after this lo is born for another child

Why the fuck would you do that?!

SadCupcake · 04/01/2019 21:22

Omg OP - wake up and smell the absolute bullshit.

Please re-read all what you have written and tell us, if you had a friend tell you this story, what would you tell them?? I can guarantee you would give them the advice we are giving to you.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 21:22

I wanted the children to be close in age

OP posts:
lizzie1970a · 04/01/2019 21:24

Oh that's really smart - tying yourself down to a useless man! Wise up!

MamaLovesMango · 04/01/2019 21:26

I mean this with the deepest sincerity Laura, you need to get some professional help to work on your self esteem and to help figure out why you’re doing this to yourself.

lizzie1970a · 04/01/2019 21:26

You won't have a job much longer. You'll be on maternity leave. If you have 2 with him you won't be able to afford the nursery fees. What dreamland do the two of you live in that you think you can willy-nilly bring babies into the world like this?

MrMeSeeks · 04/01/2019 21:29

Seriously, no do not try for another child!!
Wny would you do that?
You don't know if in a yrs time he will even be here for this one!

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 21:30

I’m going back to work after maternity and his mom is going to Help with babysitting while we are working. Then I was going to try again for another but I don’t think I am going to not till I see how he is with our baby

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 04/01/2019 21:34

Is all this for real?

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 21:35

Yes.

OP posts:
SadCupcake · 04/01/2019 21:35

I mean judging from how is with the other woman's baby.. I think you've got your answer how he is going to be with your newborn.

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