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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I in the wrong?

169 replies

LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 18:13

Hello I am new to this forum and need to vent and ask some advice please
My names laura and Im a mother of one and expecting my second next month
I don’t know if it’s my
Hormones or I’m having a rational feeling of guilt. I met my boyfriend a year ago and we never used anything and I got pregnant ( my other child is diff father) my boyfriend had a fling with another woman and got her pregnant too, ( before he met
Me) he didn’t see the child and to be honest I didn’t want him to am I a horrible person? He has been very hands on with my child and he is now happy we are about to have our first child together but I can’t help wondering if he didn’t want anything to do with the other child will he do the same to me?
He didn’t have any relationship with the other woman and he said he didn’t like her at all just that she was a “pass around f*ck” between him and his friends. He went to her birth and saw her a few times but then stopped, I told him not to talk about her around me and that she wasn’t welcome around my house. Am I a bad person? Will this come back on me ? I just couldn’t stand it that he had a child with someone else and I don’t now why
He loves and adores me and my daughter and does everything for us the only thing he does for his own child is pay support because the other woman went through the proper
Authorities to get regular payment. I’m now worried if we ever split up he will abandon our child too but would he do that seeing as he loves me? And he will be more involved with our child ?

OP posts:
Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 18:55

I have his mom as since I’ve been pregnant has been my rock she is even coming to live with us after the birth for a week or two to help me and be around baby
I also have 2 sisters that I’m close to

OP posts:
SarahET · 04/01/2019 18:56

Nah, this isn't real.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 18:59

I have told him to see his daughter but he said he just doesn’t want to as he can’t stand her mother and didn’t want the child. I’m now beginning to realise that he is an idiot. I just don’t understand he goes above and beyond for me and my child

OP posts:
dullclothesbrightmind · 04/01/2019 18:59

I'm sorry, there was a thread recently about 'red flags you are in a terrible relationship' and one of them was that your partner slagged off his ex.

And the way he speaks about the mother of one of his children is horrible - deliberately denigrating and insulting her. And regardless of the state of his relationship ( or not) with the mother at the time of conception, he still has a child, that child deserves a Father. A decent man would step up and be in their life.

His attitude to the mother of his other child, and to the child, speaks volumes about his character and integrity as a person.

As Maya Angelou said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

And I've lived long enough to have learnt that when you see someone in your life being shitty to someone else, it is only a matter of time until they are shitty to you.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 19:01

He treats me so well though he’s been the nicest bf I’ve ever had and dotes on my child

OP posts:
Littleraindrop15 · 04/01/2019 19:06

You and your partner deserve each other. There is vile and then there is you two.

Hefzi · 04/01/2019 19:06

So he's a grim misogynist, and you are so jealous of a baby that you wanted to deprive her of contact with her dad. Right. But it's going to be different in your case because he loves you? Right.

And what about when he's done with you and tells the next half-wit that you were not in a real relationship?

You've decided to breed with this loser, so genetically, your child will be half his. Let's hope nature works over nurture, eh?

Have you had an STI check recently? Your boyfriend, by his own admission, was having unprotected sex with at least one other person, who allegedly also had multiple partners.

You're about to be a mother of two, op - it's time to grow up, own your decisions and support your boyfriend to interact appropriately with all his children.

gamerchick · 04/01/2019 19:10

If this is real then OP your bloke is vile. Pass around fuck indeed, nasty Hmm abandoning his kid and you're happy about it. nasty.

Grow up.

MrMeSeeks · 04/01/2019 19:11

He treats me so well though he’s been the nicest bf I’ve ever had and dotes on my child
Yes, because right now he’s with you.
I’m sure he was ‘the nicest bf ever’ when he was with the other girl too

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 19:12

I don’t think he ever will do that to me though
He told me he truly loves me what should I do? Should I ask ow to bring baby around to
Meet our baby? Should I do this even with bf not agreeing to it? I don’t understand why he went to
The birth of his child and then stopped seeing her why would he do that?

OP posts:
drawn · 04/01/2019 19:12

I think you should be getting yourself tested for STI's it sounds like you need to.

You know this person chose to impregnate you as much as he did the other mother. Why the he'll didn't you protect yourself?

He sounds very immature (Infact you do) and once the reality of another child hits he will be off sniffing around others, that's if he isn't already. Let's hope he's learnt how to use a condom. You know he won't be around long term. Prepare yourself. Good luck with your baby.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 19:13

@MrMeseeks they were never ina relationship they just had sex a couple of
Times and she got pregnant the second time he didn’t think the child was his but he went to her birth just in case she was and then when she was 2 month old they had a dna and it came back his then he stopped

OP posts:
Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 19:16

@drawn I was immature I will admit it but now I’m seeing I was very wrong and I now feel awful about my nastiness towards his child
He is so loving to my child though so I don’t understand how he can be like that with his own

OP posts:
Raven88 · 04/01/2019 19:19

He's abandoned one child so why is yours any different. If he leaves I doubt he will have anything to do with you and he will say you trapped him, he will probably call you names. He created 2 children and only cares about one. What a catch. I would leave him because he sounds vile.

MsTSwift · 04/01/2019 19:24

Eww feel I need a good wash after reading this. How different to the home life of our own dear queen.

Ovendoor · 04/01/2019 19:26

Poor kids.

TheFaerieQueene · 04/01/2019 19:30

His pass around fuck is someone’s daughter. Would you like your daughter to be considered like this? If not, how can you bear to be with this vile individual.

MrsAJ27 · 04/01/2019 19:38

@LauraS92 you need to speak to your boyfriend about this! He is not behaving like an adult or a father.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 19:43

I am going to speak to him do you think he could change? If he shows he is loving and wants to be a father to our child and my other one ( which he does right now) I think he could change an see his daughter in the future

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/01/2019 19:46

This reply has been deleted

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LASH38 · 04/01/2019 19:47

Who knows why he is paying attention to your child while abandoning his own. The fact that he abandoned his own is enough of a reflection on his character.

How old are you both and how long have you been together? How many children does he have in total?

In any case, you are not special. He has treated that poor woman and her child despicably, it’s what he is capable of.

You should have run away when he came knocking.

AfterSchoolWorry · 04/01/2019 19:48

He's a dog and he'll shit on you too. This actually reminds me of Khloe Kardashian's situation. Think on.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 19:52

We started seeing each other June 2017 but only talking as he liked me but I was busy working a lot and didn’t want a relationship, he wasn’t really
My type. Then we got to know each other more and saw how much he liked me, he started babysitting for me while I worked so it showed he was keen and didn’t mind me having a child. We started sleeping together about September and then his child was born in October we then started using no protection that is his first child. He said he was told he might not be able to have children from trauma so thought she wasn’t his till the dna proved otherwise. He was also quite protective of the ow aswell e.g didn’t like her going out with her friends while they were drinking/smoking and he went to scans

OP posts:
Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 19:53

He’s just gone 22 and I’m 26 before me he was out partying every weekend with his friends with no job he now works a lot of hours held down a job and he rarely goes out anymore

OP posts:
youngmammy · 04/01/2019 19:54

Your children have the same dad that makes them half siblings step up be decent and do the right thing by the children