Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I in the wrong?

169 replies

LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 18:13

Hello I am new to this forum and need to vent and ask some advice please
My names laura and Im a mother of one and expecting my second next month
I don’t know if it’s my
Hormones or I’m having a rational feeling of guilt. I met my boyfriend a year ago and we never used anything and I got pregnant ( my other child is diff father) my boyfriend had a fling with another woman and got her pregnant too, ( before he met
Me) he didn’t see the child and to be honest I didn’t want him to am I a horrible person? He has been very hands on with my child and he is now happy we are about to have our first child together but I can’t help wondering if he didn’t want anything to do with the other child will he do the same to me?
He didn’t have any relationship with the other woman and he said he didn’t like her at all just that she was a “pass around f*ck” between him and his friends. He went to her birth and saw her a few times but then stopped, I told him not to talk about her around me and that she wasn’t welcome around my house. Am I a bad person? Will this come back on me ? I just couldn’t stand it that he had a child with someone else and I don’t now why
He loves and adores me and my daughter and does everything for us the only thing he does for his own child is pay support because the other woman went through the proper
Authorities to get regular payment. I’m now worried if we ever split up he will abandon our child too but would he do that seeing as he loves me? And he will be more involved with our child ?

OP posts:
FrankieChips · 04/01/2019 19:58

You both sound awful. I feel so sorry for the other lady and the kids who have been brought into this kind of life.

MrMeSeeks · 04/01/2019 19:58

I dont think he’ll change, you atleast sound as if you have so i take it back about you.
If he won’t have anything to do with the child (I Would really rethink the relationship then as he could easily do the same to you) maybe you could speak to her, so atleast the kids can have contact.
Theres no reason the two of you should hate each other.
Be prepared she may not be receptive at first ( as you didn't want them in your life at first)

Nanny0gg · 04/01/2019 19:58

Why the hell did you actively try for a baby with someone you'd been seeing for five minutes?

I despair sometimes.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 20:01

It just seemed right with him I fell for
Him quickly and I don’t now I think it was jealousy over the baby and his mom constantly upset over not seeing her first grandchild I stupidly thought we should have a baby together

OP posts:
lardass88 · 04/01/2019 20:01

Hmmm 🤔

whatsthepointthen · 04/01/2019 20:02

This cant be real Xmas Biscuit

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 20:06

It is why would I lie about this?
This is my life and I’m trying to get some advice and try and do the right thing why is it hard to believe this is real?

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 04/01/2019 20:08

You met a 22 year old man who had already randomly fathered other children and describes the mother of his child to you in a grim misogynistic way and your conclusion is to have a baby with him?! The mind boggles. Are you wrong? Yes. Are you smart? No. What’s his mother got to do with anything? I do hope this is made up nonsense.

whatsthepointthen · 04/01/2019 20:11

Plenty of people make things up on this board. Its clearly not true so Xmas Biscuit

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 20:13

I’m really not making this up I kind of wish I was now as I’ve had doubts about him the past few weeks and been thinking and worrying about the other child
I now I’ve done wrong and I think I’m tryin to explain why I got pregnant I do want this child I just think I’ve rushed and had this baby for all
The wrong reasons

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/01/2019 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 04/01/2019 20:18

So you got pregnant out of jealousy, and as a present to his mother, to make up for the fact the other child's mother wont let the grandmother have contact.

Best case scenario - your DP keeps on working to provide for his kids, is involved in all the kid's lives, and his mum gets to see her other grandkid.

I hope it all works out.

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2019 20:21

Well to your initial question are you horrible. Yes. You were being horrible.

Secondly will he do it to you? He's 22. So yeah. It's likely. He's hardly mr maturity is he. Good chance he will get fed up and the novelty will wear off, and he will move on, to someone who doesn't have kids and can go out and have fun. Because, he's 22 and he's got previous.

You reap what you sew. It doesn't seem he wishes to grow up.

I feel sorry for his children. By the time he's 30 he will probably have half a dozen of them by different women. His type is as old as time.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 20:23

Am I really that much of a bitch? I’ve burst out crying and I know it’s my own fault as to why I feel like this. I’m glad for the honesty and feel
So confused and messed up. I am a really
Good mother my first child’s dad has now done the same thing to my child and has another with his gf and I provide work hard and do everything for my child. I felt like the cat that got the cream at first and loved the attention from his family but now I see I’m just as much of a bad person as him. I’ve spoke to him about It and he is still saying he doesn’t want to see his other baby

OP posts:
dontforgettofloss · 04/01/2019 20:26

Ugh, he sounds vile.
Hes abandoned his child, and called the mother of his child a "pass around fuck".
You say that he didn't think the child was his- yet he went to the scans , plus he didn't want the mother going out with friends if they were drinking or smoking, he was also at the birth.
Do yourself and your child, and unborn baby a huge favour, and leave him, he's a waste of space, and I'm sure you'll do a good job bringing your children up on your own.

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2019 20:26

You can't make him see his child. Just like you can't make him see yours if it comes to it.

He is who he is. And who he is is a 22 year old lad, who doesn't want responsibility.

AnyFucker · 04/01/2019 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 04/01/2019 20:28

So you will have two children. Both with a half sibling each that they'll have no contact with. How very sad and messed up.

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 20:32

He has been responsible for our baby so far he has bought everything I wanted for our child decorated his room and picked clothes he liked for him he also books the time off work for scans and appointments. He’s asked how I am he does housework cooks tea for my child puts my child to bed takes her out and buys her anything she wants. One thing that sticks out is when his child was about 5 months old his mother told him
To give some money for her nappies and a new cot he said no rhen he payed for me to have my hair and nails done like it was nothing to him
I just put it to the back of my mind and tried no to think about how he’d not pay for his own child

OP posts:
MamaLovesMango · 04/01/2019 20:33

What a shitshow. The way I see it, you have two options:

  1. you stay with him, close your eyes and hope to God that he doesn’t do it to you. Spoiler: he will.

  2. you leave him now, you have your baby and you make a new life, learning from this whole debacle, with your children, dealing with access and maintenance issues if they arise. Spoiler: they won’t.

I know what I would do to safeguard my children’s futures.

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2019 20:36

To give some money for her nappies and a new cot he said no rhen he payed for me to have my hair and nails done like it was nothing to him

Jesus, you took money for your hair and nails knowing it should have been for nappies for a baby? 😮

MamaLovesMango · 04/01/2019 20:38

Just read you have a daughter. Please think about what impact having a man that talks about a woman as a ‘pass around fuck’ will have on her.

You might provide for your child but having men like him around her (and after such a short amount time) proves the opposite of ‘a good mum’

Original poster
LauraS92 · 04/01/2019 20:38

I didn’t now until a week later that he’d refused to pay his child’s nappies and cot because his mother told me

OP posts:
lizzie1970a · 04/01/2019 20:38

What kind of family is this boy from (he's not a man) that he's convinced two women to have sex with him without condoms and he's age 22?

What kind of person are you that within 3 months of meeting him you were allowing him to look after your child then start having sex with him without a condom? What about him actually made you think he's a great catch, a man with prospects, a man of integrity that I'll let look after my current child while I work and have another with him? Do you know what the dregs of society look like? He's sitting next to you on the sofa.

What kind of person are you that you think calling a woman a pass-around fuck is in anyway acceptable? Numerous people on this thread have mentioned it yet you've ignored it.

What kind of person gets one woman pregnant, then another but doesn't want to have anything to do with the first baby. What kind of woman accepts this in her 'man' and thinks he's going to be different with her.

What a mess you've made of your life and your children's. He's 22. By the time he's 30 there's be 3 others after you all with a baby. Your poor child. She could be on a night out 18 years from now. Meet a guy and without her knowing it could be a half-brother. Your boyfriend is a feckless waste of space.

Nesssie · 04/01/2019 20:38

This just gets more and more laughable! God hope this isn’t real, ‘pass around fuck’ is probably the vilest thing I have ever heard.