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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wish me luck ... I'm actually doing it

305 replies

beverleymaccalovesdave · 03/01/2019 13:43

I've posted under many names over the last year , mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn't have the strength to leave and I didn't want my mn 'friends' to get fed up of me the way my real life friends have .

Long story short : I met a man who initially was everything I could have wished for , it didn't take long for the cracks to show but I thought I could change him if I was just a little better with him , if I didn't say too much , if I just agreed with him more .. you get the jist !

Anyway I gave up my house to live with him and his children ( he is a young widower) and for a million reasons all of which I knew and could see before I did that I am finally at breaking point .

Right now ,I am awaiting the call back from the letting agent on a property I've fallen in love with back In my hometown (miles always from him ) . I have already passed the credit check and secured a little loan off my big brother for the deposit , just the references to go now .

I know it will all kick off when I tell him I'm leaving and I know there will be a battle over me taking my things and I probs won't get out of there without some injury or all of my possessions but I'm so looking forward to just me and my dds being happy and safe in our little cottage .

I'm still playing the game at the minute , still sending the 'I love you 'texts and pottering around his house , sorting his kids , handing my money over ( money is a big problem of his , his is his but once that's gone he demands mine too,'family pot' but only when it suits him ) .

Ive got a van lined up and am covertly putting the word out for second hand furniture amongst my work friends ( I still work in my hometown and of course he hasn't wanted to bother with any of them despite numerous invites )

It will be a few days/week or so before I can attempt to get my things and go but it's happening , just hope all is good news with the letting agency

Wish me luck Smile

OP posts:
WinterWife · 10/01/2019 22:59

Stay safe lovely!
First time I've read your thread, you are so so so brave and you should be so proud of yourself

bewilderedhedgehog · 10/01/2019 23:10

I second what winterwife says - so impressed with your resolve - you should definitely be proud. Not sure why hugs are unmumsnetty - please have a huge hug x

importantkath · 10/01/2019 23:22

Oh my goodness, get out!!!! Is there anywhere you can stay, sofa surf, anything?

Keep going OP. Stay safe x

Footle · 11/01/2019 00:03

Hope it won't occur to him to check MN. Good luck, you're going to be all right.

SandyY2K · 11/01/2019 01:07

I'm worried that you should not stay the night there.

This man is nasty...we all wanted you to have someone there with you.

Parisetoile · 11/01/2019 06:24

Thinking about you, I really hope that you are ok. Thanks

Pinkybutterfly · 11/01/2019 06:27

How are you dear?xx

Workissueshelp · 11/01/2019 07:07

Hope you manage to get out with fuss.

minmooch · 11/01/2019 07:07

Another person hoping you are safe.

None of your stuff is worth taking a beating for. Everything can be replaced in time.

Fill your car up this morning with everything you can and then leave the rest. Only go back with police protection

UnsungHero · 11/01/2019 07:53

How can letting agents be so disorganised with keys etc?!

It may be Monday.... or not! This annoys me so much!

Anyway, best of luck with the move

Buggeritimgettingup · 11/01/2019 08:21

Hope you are safe and on your way to your dream cottage x

drspouse · 11/01/2019 08:26

Checking in to see how you've been overnight.

Annasgirl · 11/01/2019 09:45

OP just checking in. We are all worried about you. I hope you can post to say you are ok. It’s at times like this I wish we could jump into RL and help you out.

bevmaccalovesdave · 11/01/2019 10:01

I'm at work , got the big bosses in and I'm trying just to get through the day .

Managed to sleep for a few hours last night as he left around midnight , took little one with him so I think he went to his mums , he came back without her at 6am screaming at me to get out , then begging me not to go .

He knows I have a van on Saturday but is saying I can't come back for my things until Sunday , then says he will go out tonight and tomorrow and just let me get on .

One extreme to the other . I just tried to stay calm and not rise to it .

Anyway , work is horrifically busy and stressful , my branch is in the middle of a inspection.. im the accountable person for everything that's right or wrong , on a normal day I'd be stressed , with all this going on as well I'm in a spin ,

I just keep repeating to myself that I might be barely breathing but I'm not dead , tomorrow is another day .(it's a line from my go to sort yourself out song , played at full blast down the motorway)

I wish I could stop and just got home tonight and carry on with life . I feel like I should have never have done this , I know it's the right decision but it's bloody hurting and it's such a bloody mess .

drspouse · 11/01/2019 10:02

Not much longer to go now, and hopefully next week will be calmer at work too.
Good luck for getting the keys and for moving tomorrow.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/01/2019 10:24

Wowsers. Deep breath @bevmaccalovesdave

What a fucker he has turned into.

Just get through today.

Just focus on work for the next fews hours - there is nothing you can do about the situation at home until later. Best of luck with getting the keys and moving. Can you have someone with you?

I know it feels like a bloody mess but his behaviour now is reinforcing that this is the right decision. You've done something really brave. You will get though this. Flowers

another20 · 11/01/2019 10:35

Just focus on getting a great outcome at work for today.

You are home and dry with him - bar the shouting - expect that. In 24hrs you will be out. Have you friends and family who can be with you tonight and tomorrow.

Just look at his ranting as a massive reinforcment that you have done the right thing.

WitchDancer · 11/01/2019 11:07

One hour at a time, you can do this.

RandomMess · 11/01/2019 11:58

If he won't let you in tomorrow or tonight or at any time call the police, he is behaving erratically and threatening you do it is urgent.

Thanks
Littleraindrop15 · 11/01/2019 12:18

Op be strong your nearly there you've done most of the hard work in a few days this whole nightmare will be behind you xx

TeaMeBasil · 11/01/2019 13:58

Just get through the day, you're so close to getting the peace you need.

Please don't second guess yourself, everything he's doing reinforces that you're making the right decision, it's just hard when you're right in the thick of it. Keep going.

DiaryofWimpyMum · 11/01/2019 15:18

Just keep doing what you're doing, think of your cottage with just you and DC, no more walking on glass!

ohfourfoxache · 11/01/2019 15:31

You’re doing absolutely brilliantly, keep going x

bevmaccalovesdave · 11/01/2019 15:39

I've got the keys GrinGrin

Just the battle to get my things over the next few days .

Just been for a walk round and it's beautiful, like out of this world beautiful, better than I remembered.

He's apparently gone away now for the weekend so hopefully I can do this with no drama . I don't know what to believe from him anymore .

bewilderedhedgehog · 11/01/2019 15:44

Congratulations on getting the keys to your new home. And good luck with moving in over the weekend

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