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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wish me luck ... I'm actually doing it

305 replies

beverleymaccalovesdave · 03/01/2019 13:43

I've posted under many names over the last year , mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn't have the strength to leave and I didn't want my mn 'friends' to get fed up of me the way my real life friends have .

Long story short : I met a man who initially was everything I could have wished for , it didn't take long for the cracks to show but I thought I could change him if I was just a little better with him , if I didn't say too much , if I just agreed with him more .. you get the jist !

Anyway I gave up my house to live with him and his children ( he is a young widower) and for a million reasons all of which I knew and could see before I did that I am finally at breaking point .

Right now ,I am awaiting the call back from the letting agent on a property I've fallen in love with back In my hometown (miles always from him ) . I have already passed the credit check and secured a little loan off my big brother for the deposit , just the references to go now .

I know it will all kick off when I tell him I'm leaving and I know there will be a battle over me taking my things and I probs won't get out of there without some injury or all of my possessions but I'm so looking forward to just me and my dds being happy and safe in our little cottage .

I'm still playing the game at the minute , still sending the 'I love you 'texts and pottering around his house , sorting his kids , handing my money over ( money is a big problem of his , his is his but once that's gone he demands mine too,'family pot' but only when it suits him ) .

Ive got a van lined up and am covertly putting the word out for second hand furniture amongst my work friends ( I still work in my hometown and of course he hasn't wanted to bother with any of them despite numerous invites )

It will be a few days/week or so before I can attempt to get my things and go but it's happening , just hope all is good news with the letting agency

Wish me luck Smile

OP posts:
JaneyJimplin · 12/01/2019 20:31

Well done Flowers

importantkath · 12/01/2019 20:32

You are amazing!!!!

WitchDancer · 12/01/2019 20:35

Oh I am so pleased it went off without too much hassle. The Incredible Hulk has nothing on a woman on a mission!

frustratedwineaholic · 12/01/2019 20:53

De-lurking to say... Wow!! Just that really! Well done, you have inspired me, I have my own thread about leaving a total asshole, reading yours is making me want it even more. Congratulations OP 🍾

Hangingonbyathread10 · 12/01/2019 21:35

You are bloody AMAZING

dellacucina · 12/01/2019 21:48

Well done!

Morningcoffeeee · 12/01/2019 22:20

Yessssss! So happy for you. Inspiration for all women wanting to leave a shitbag WineGinFlowersCake

ohfourfoxache · 12/01/2019 22:22

You should be so proud of yourself x

justilou1 · 12/01/2019 22:37

I’m so proud of you. It must have been so hard to leave those kids, but he did use them as a tool to manipulate you. You have definitely done the right thing for your kids! They will benefit immensely and in the short term, too. Was HE there when you left? Do you expect HIM to be there when you go back to get the rest of your things? Was there any fallout? Are you okay?

Starburst8 · 12/01/2019 22:41

Silently been watching your post, wishing you luck from the sidelines. I've had to break my silence to say how amazing you are. It's daunting to break away and start afresh but you've done it. So pleased you've got a fresh new life to live. It's heartbreaking to think of the child that's left behind but I agree with you staying in their lives (ex's especially) isn't going to help and you might end up falling down a rabbit hole you don't want to go down.
Once again so pleased you got your little cottage. You should be proud of how strong and brave you are! Good luck for the rest of the move etc x

Movingout · 12/01/2019 22:46

O

butterfly56 · 12/01/2019 22:50

Well done Bevmacca you are one brave and lovely lady Flowers

Knittedfairies · 12/01/2019 23:04

Well done you👏👏👏👏👏

MixedMaritalArts · 12/01/2019 23:08

Star Gin

MissMarplesBloomers · 13/01/2019 11:58

Another one de-lurking to say Congrats & Good Luck with your new life
Grin Flowers

Thehop · 13/01/2019 12:14

You absolute bloody marvel. Well done love xx

Alwayscheerful · 13/01/2019 14:10

SmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmile

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 14/01/2019 14:19

Well done op!! Thanks

Annasgirl · 14/01/2019 16:27

Congrats OP and well done. You are an inspiration and although it is said for your Ex’s DC, you need first and foremost to protect your own DC, which you have done.

Your new home sounds amazing. You will get used to the time alone. Use it to up your game at work, maybe do extra work on those days so you can head for a promotion and more money, or perhaps use it to study and gain more qualifications and of course use it for nice baths, yoga, books - whatever makes you feel good in yourself.

You deserve this happiness.

Skinnydecafflatte · 15/01/2019 14:10

Another one who’s been cheering you from the sidelines! Well done OP, incredibly brave! Wishing you all the best for your future. Your kids and you will get there!

purplelass · 18/01/2019 13:58

Am I the only one hoping that the fact it's all gone quiet on this thread means that OP is happily putting things behind her?

Or have I missed an update thread?

Hope all is OK Flowers

Moffa · 18/01/2019 14:23

I’m so jealous OP!

Hopefully by this summer I will be like you!

Well done Flowers

beanaseireann · 20/01/2019 09:45

ThanksWell done OP
Hope you are settling well into your new life.

bevmaccalovesdave · 21/01/2019 20:53

I'm still about Smile

It's been a busy week as I'm sure you can understand!

This house is amazing and every time I walk In I fall a little bit more In love with it. I am surprisingly settled and other than a few little bits I need/want nothing else really needs doing . Kids love it , commute to work is 10 mins instead of over an hour and it's so blumming peaceful Grin

He had been in touch , he switched my phone back on less than 24 hours after he turned it off ! , he is devastated which for such an arse has surprised me , he can't believe I left and is extremely sorry ,he knows why I've gone and it has made me feel better to know he's acknowledged his shittyness at least .. but that thats anyway and he appears to have given up bothering me .

I moved last weekend and by the Monday I was completely out of steam , pressure has been on at work for a few weeks and I haven't had the brain space to deal with it , I lost my job on Wednesday due to some really really bad audit results , my own fault , I have given my all to him and took my eye off the ball everywhere else . It's all ok , I've secured a new role , a completely different role so Im embracing this new me Grin

So it's been a week of mixed blessings really but not all bad .

I'm snuggled on the sofa with the kids watching Corrie right now and it's just bloody brilliant .. I couldn't have done it without you lot ThanksThanksThanks

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 21/01/2019 21:05

I'm so happy for you. Sorry about your job but congratulations on your new one. Here's to many more happy days! Thanks

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