Wish me luck ... I'm actually doing it

[beverleymaccalovesdave]

I've posted under many names over the last year , mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn't have the strength to leave and I didn't want my mn 'friends' to get fed up of me the way my real life friends have .

Long story short : I met a man who initially was everything I could have wished for , it didn't take long for the cracks to show but I thought I could change him if I was just a little better with him , if I didn't say too much , if I just agreed with him more .. you get the jist !

Anyway I gave up my house to live with him and his children ( he is a young widower) and for a million reasons all of which I knew and could see before I did that I am finally at breaking point .

Right now ,I am awaiting the call back from the letting agent on a property I've fallen in love with back In my hometown (miles always from him ) . I have already passed the credit check and secured a little loan off my big brother for the deposit , just the references to go now .

I know it will all kick off when I tell him I'm leaving and I know there will be a battle over me taking my things and I probs won't get out of there without some injury or all of my possessions but I'm so looking forward to just me and my dds being happy and safe in our little cottage .

I'm still playing the game at the minute , still sending the 'I love you 'texts and pottering around his house , sorting his kids , handing my money over ( money is a big problem of his , his is his but once that's gone he demands mine too,'family pot' but only when it suits him ) .

Ive got a van lined up and am covertly putting the word out for second hand furniture amongst my work friends ( I still work in my hometown and of course he hasn't wanted to bother with any of them despite numerous invites )

It will be a few days/week or so before I can attempt to get my things and go but it's happening , just hope all is good news with the letting agency

Wish me luck

I'm outside having a quick cig (4 years of giving up down the drain)

If it's helping you get through today don't beat yourself up. You can give up again.

@StormTreader has made a really good point.

Just RTFT, I really hope you get away safely OP with too much hassle from him. Good luck

without that should say!

I hope that you can stay strong OP! Don’t fall for the snot and tears, he is only trying to manipulate you into staying! He is not going to stop trying to get you back either, I would contact Woman’s Aid and ask for advice on protecting you and your dc once you have left....

Prepare for him to accuse you of destroying his children’s lives and depriving them of a Mother when they are still grieving their own Mother. He thinks that the children’s Mother can be replaced, that is clearly not possible!

Hopefully the children are with his parents and he doesn’t try to parade them in front of you to make you feel guilty! You have nothing to feel guilty for! You are leaving so that your dc and your ex’s dc realise that the way your ex/ Stbx has been treating you is absolutely not acceptable!

Good luck op. I hope to hear an update in a couple of days that you are out and safe with your stuff.

OP please avoid being alone with him, if you can. He seems to be cycling through his emotions, like storm pointed out. I would worry what comes next when he realises you're not backing down and his tears won't work.

I'm absolutely in awe of how determined and organised you are in leaving the shit bag. What a woman.

Really hope everything is ok. I hope too, you got some friends /relies etc to pitch up and make sure nothing kicks off with your repulsive sounding ex partner. If you’re able, please come back and tell us you are ok xx

Has he gone to him mum's? Good luck

I hope it's all ok when you get home.

I hope you're ok, OP, and that he's not going off on one now. Keep yourself safe.

Op I am wondering is he caretaker or similar, at a school.
If so perhaps you could speak to his line manager [ or threaten to) he becomes more difficult. Keep the phone number ready in your phone or programme 999 in your memory and keep your finger ready on the button. You could also arrange a coded message with a friend, eg if you say you will be round for coffee tomorrow it means you need her to call the police immediately. Try to prepare for the worst possible situation.

Hey @beverleymaccalovesdave are you ok?

He didn't go to his mums .

I'm ok , he is swinging between wanting me to stay and telling me I'm a cheating scumbag and to get out because I've ruined his kids lives. I've giving up trying to explain myself , I'm just letting him rant .

I've just had a full can of beer bounce of my jaw bone , he threw it at the wall and I miss timed my walk back from the kitchen so it bounced straight into my face , it was open too so the walls are covered , it's not marked me so other than stinking like a brewery I'm ok .

In temper he threw my kids mattresses and bedding on the front garden , I've put them in my car so that's one less job . Didn't rise to it .

And he took my house keys off me , that's fine too I've been stashing spares so I can still get in , I've packed up a few bits and got them in the car ,

He still saying he is going away this weekend so hopefully he sticks to that and I can pack the rest up In Peace .

Currently he is sitting downstairs having a think about if he going to let me stay or not , I'm pottering upstairs , he knows tomorrow is the day I'm signing so I'm a bit worried he is going to start trashing stuff before I can get back after work .

Keep safe OP 🌷

Call the police if he does anything they will most likely persuade him to go to his Mum's...

I'd call the police.

He threw a can of beer at you. He's destroying property (or trying to). He might not be hitting you but he is being violent. The police should be able to get him to stay away for a few days to give you room to leave.

Don't just stay there and put yourself at risk. Get the police round. Get help.

Please be safe, can you afford a handyman to help you with your stuff?xxxx

I too think you should call the police.

Please don't stay in the house tonight with this maniac. Can't you drive to a place of safety, a local hotel or b&b if needs be? You've already retrieved the important stuff and can go back for more once he's away/ with reinforcements. And even of that fails, possessions can be replaced- your vision can't and he could have easily caught you in the eye with the hurled open can of beer. You've done so well, please don't come a cropper on the eve of your freedom.

Not only should you call the police, but if he's working for a SCHOOL they need to know how violent he is.

What cardinal said. Somewhere safe to sleep tonight. Good luck.

Good luck op

If he ends up with a DV or criminal damage incident on his record, that could really fuck up his next DBS- nightmare if he works for a school.
Might that thought calm him down, maybe?