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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wish me luck ... I'm actually doing it

305 replies

beverleymaccalovesdave · 03/01/2019 13:43

I've posted under many names over the last year , mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn't have the strength to leave and I didn't want my mn 'friends' to get fed up of me the way my real life friends have .

Long story short : I met a man who initially was everything I could have wished for , it didn't take long for the cracks to show but I thought I could change him if I was just a little better with him , if I didn't say too much , if I just agreed with him more .. you get the jist !

Anyway I gave up my house to live with him and his children ( he is a young widower) and for a million reasons all of which I knew and could see before I did that I am finally at breaking point .

Right now ,I am awaiting the call back from the letting agent on a property I've fallen in love with back In my hometown (miles always from him ) . I have already passed the credit check and secured a little loan off my big brother for the deposit , just the references to go now .

I know it will all kick off when I tell him I'm leaving and I know there will be a battle over me taking my things and I probs won't get out of there without some injury or all of my possessions but I'm so looking forward to just me and my dds being happy and safe in our little cottage .

I'm still playing the game at the minute , still sending the 'I love you 'texts and pottering around his house , sorting his kids , handing my money over ( money is a big problem of his , his is his but once that's gone he demands mine too,'family pot' but only when it suits him ) .

Ive got a van lined up and am covertly putting the word out for second hand furniture amongst my work friends ( I still work in my hometown and of course he hasn't wanted to bother with any of them despite numerous invites )

It will be a few days/week or so before I can attempt to get my things and go but it's happening , just hope all is good news with the letting agency

Wish me luck Smile

OP posts:
drspouse · 11/01/2019 18:58

Fingers crossed here too. Hope you got a new SIM sorted.

notWORKzilla · 11/01/2019 19:54

Crossing fingers and toes for you!
Good luck for tmr xx

Justturned50 · 11/01/2019 20:02

You'll be able to pick up a new phone on a contract or pay as you go, in a few minutes if you go in to a store... even Tesco so you could do that this evening.

Good luck.

rainbowstardrops · 12/01/2019 07:55

Good luck with the move! Hope it all goes smoothly

OnlineAlienator · 12/01/2019 07:58

Good luck OP - can you start posting really precious things you wouldnt want to be without to safe addresses? Or smuggling them to work with you perhaps? I hope you and DDs get out unscathed :(

OnlineAlienator · 12/01/2019 07:59

Whoops didnt RTFT Blush

Jb291 · 12/01/2019 17:22

Hoping you are safe and settled in your cottage OP. No more having to tiptoe around your maniac ex.

bevmaccalovesdave · 12/01/2019 17:39

And we are in Grin

Every bone and muscle is killing me ,

Still haven't got everything so will have to try again tomorrow but Its all out of the main house and it's just a few bits In the lock up (which I have the keys to now ) so that should be drama free .

And who every said I couldn't move white goods on my own clearly under estimated me .. I'm going to pay for it though, my neck and hip are buggered .

Kids are with me now but last night was awful on my own , I was lay on the floor on a pile of blankets eating crisps at midnight wondering how the hell my life had got to this !

I am thrilled with the house , it's so lovely but I am terribly sad about the life I've left behind . The littlest one is going to think I've abandoned her , first mommy dies then I leave , poor child is never going to trust anyone , Id have her here with me if I could but I just have to keep reminding myself she isn't mine to take . I love her , I was her mummy in all but DNA and loved every moment of it . I'm heartbroken , Staying in her life means I will have to stay In his and that's not going to achieve anything in the long run .

There I go again , ranting again. Sorry .

Anyway ,I've done it , I faced my fears and did it anyway .. I don't feel right now like I rock but I know somewhere in there I do Grin

Oh and did I mention this cottage is bloody amazing Wink

category12 · 12/01/2019 17:41

I'm so glad for you Flowers. Enjoy your new home.

Hopeandglory3 · 12/01/2019 17:55

Well done you xxx

cocoallure · 12/01/2019 17:59

Great update, good luck x

VictoriaBun · 12/01/2019 18:00

FlowersFlowersFlowers
Congratulations on your new home and life

SandyY2K · 12/01/2019 18:17

A massive congratulations to you. Don't ever question if this was the right thing. it absolutely is

RandomMess · 12/01/2019 18:19

Well done!!!!

golddustwomen · 12/01/2019 18:23

Congratulations!!! Huge huge ThanksThanks for your new life!

Parisetoile · 12/01/2019 18:30

HurrayThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks
And thank you for the update I'm so pleased for you. 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

MissMacaron · 12/01/2019 18:37

Fish and chips in paper for you all tonight and then the start of your new life / unpacking etc tomorrow.

Well done OP, so pleased for you.

TheABC · 12/01/2019 18:53

Congratulations on getting out. Yes,it sucks about his youngest but you had a duty to yourself and your DCs first. The only bit where you have been unreasonable was moving white goods on your own. Ouch!

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 12/01/2019 19:01

Filling up here reading your update, op.Flowers
What you have done is inspirational and I hope your determination gives others the catalyst to escape awful men.
Fish and chips for everyone tonight sounds like a great idea! Good luck with your new life x

Cyclewidow46 · 12/01/2019 19:07

What a great update!
Good luck in your new home, I'm so so happy for you Smile

Memom · 12/01/2019 19:10

Well done you! I've been thinking about you on and off all day. Hope the days to come get easier. Enjoy YOUR cottage Thanks

bevmaccalovesdave · 12/01/2019 19:24

@Ruddygreattiger2016

I wouldn't say I'm inspirational, I don't feel it right now looking around at the mess I've created in the 24 hours I've been here !

I am lucky , I may have lost my way with myself but I didn't give up my career and own income , I am absolutely terrified as money will be so tight and I've got to learn how to be alone as the kids are not here every day , but I'm also excited about what happens next . I've took my eye off the ball at work so turning that around will be my focus for the time being .

I'm also far sneakier than I ever thought I could be Wink I've enjoyed that bit , I've still got loads of plan B's if anyone needs any tips Grin

Right , I'm getting back to it .. got a fight with an Allen key for tonight entertainment Smile

Spudlet · 12/01/2019 19:27

You have done the right thing. I'm glad you're safe and out!

Re the children - perhaps you could write to them and explain? They are too young now (and the ex would doubtless intercept them anyway), but when they are older it might be comforting for them to know that you didn't leave them, you left their father.

Just a thought. It might be totally off the wall so feel free to ignore it.

Redcrayonisthebest · 12/01/2019 19:37

Well done op, it will get better from here. Heartbreaking about his kids and I don't know what to suggest there really. Are there any friends of the family who would keep in touch and let you know how they are?

JennyHolzersGhost · 12/01/2019 19:48

Flowers total respect OP.

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