Wish me luck ... I'm actually doing it

[beverleymaccalovesdave]

I've posted under many names over the last year , mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn't have the strength to leave and I didn't want my mn 'friends' to get fed up of me the way my real life friends have .

Long story short : I met a man who initially was everything I could have wished for , it didn't take long for the cracks to show but I thought I could change him if I was just a little better with him , if I didn't say too much , if I just agreed with him more .. you get the jist !

Anyway I gave up my house to live with him and his children ( he is a young widower) and for a million reasons all of which I knew and could see before I did that I am finally at breaking point .

Right now ,I am awaiting the call back from the letting agent on a property I've fallen in love with back In my hometown (miles always from him ) . I have already passed the credit check and secured a little loan off my big brother for the deposit , just the references to go now .

I know it will all kick off when I tell him I'm leaving and I know there will be a battle over me taking my things and I probs won't get out of there without some injury or all of my possessions but I'm so looking forward to just me and my dds being happy and safe in our little cottage .

I'm still playing the game at the minute , still sending the 'I love you 'texts and pottering around his house , sorting his kids , handing my money over ( money is a big problem of his , his is his but once that's gone he demands mine too,'family pot' but only when it suits him ) .

Ive got a van lined up and am covertly putting the word out for second hand furniture amongst my work friends ( I still work in my hometown and of course he hasn't wanted to bother with any of them despite numerous invites )

It will be a few days/week or so before I can attempt to get my things and go but it's happening , just hope all is good news with the letting agency

Wish me luck

Wow he sounds awful. Thank goodness you're getting out. Best if luck

Hello @beverleymaccalovesdave - congratulations for getting this far and I hope your eventual move out is as straightforward as it possibly can be in the circumstances. I am a widow, and a lawyer, and I am horrified to read your tale. I am actually an admin on several bereavement groups and we frequently warn our members to be careful when meeting up as the fact someone is widowed does not necessarily mean they are a good person. I know this is a big ask, but could you possibly pm me (in strict confidence) with his name so I could check if he is a member of any of our Facebook groups? I hope I'm not breaching any guidelines here, and I apologise if I am, but I tend to lurk rather than post. Please take good care of yourself.

Good luck- have you got schools sorted for your children ?

Read through the thread and you are amazing. Well done. Looking forward to updates! I did similar years ago and my life changed so much. Looking back I'm so proud of myself and you will be too. Keep strong

@MerryWidow63
He isn't on face book so I don't think that will be a problem but thank you anyway .

@trevthecat
My kids school is back in my hometown as that's where their dad is still based ,we have been commuting so no issue there either

Just wanted to say good luck!

Well done OP you have done amazing... I'm proud of you too.

What a relief you will feel when those keys are handed over!

Good luck

Good luck OP.

I'll join with others in saying PLEASE have someone else with you when you pick up your stuff. It doesn't need to be a burly bloke, a petite female friend could just as easily call 999 if he attacks you physically.

I don't know where you work obviously but if it's somewhere that has shifts then I'm sure you could find someone who's not on rota that day and would be willing to help (especially if you throw in £20 for them.)

Abusive men typically ramp up the violence when the victim is attempting to leave. Please don't underestimate the threat here.

Sending you kind thoughts

Good luck OP

Good luck OP I hope the weekend goes nice and quick for you and you get the hell out of that house without any issues.💜

Good luck! Would it be worth taking a photo of all the bits you have to leave behind for the time being so you have proof they are/we're there. Keep a record.

I remember you and am so glad you are getting out, but am very worried about the fact that you are moving stuff yourself.
I really would inform the police on the 101 number the day before - tell them that you are leaving and have a van to take belongings that are yours, but you are worried that he might kick off / refuse you your stuff/ damage your stuff between trips.
They will advise and they would send someone if it happens. You could always inform him that you HAVE informed the police, and warn him they will come if he does anytghing, and that they have all your possessions logged with photographic evidence so that he is unable to remove/destroy them
as a preventative photograph all the stuff you want to take the day before in situ - your white goods and furniture, the kids furniture etc. then you have evidence if it gets smashed up.
you need to think ahead and cover your arse.

Just read your thread OP and wanted to say good luck, sounds like you're making the best decision! (I would second everyone else about having someone there with you!)

Please please ring the police and have them in attendance when you are going. I speak from experience. I really wish I had.

When I left I didn't know it was an option. Luckily I had a neighbour who helped when he heard the commotion.

I'm sure if you reach out to any of your old friends they will help you, in the circumstances?

How long were you together for?

Would second pp's advice about having someone with you if at all possible / informing the police beforehand-keep yourself and your DDs safe OP. Very well done to you and wishing you all the best

Good luck OP. Please stay safe

Good luck OP, I’m rooting for you!

Good luck OP! You are amazing

Good luck OP its very brave what you are doing and have planned it very well, hope everything goes okay.

Just to lighten the mood a little, I LOL'd out loud at your username 🤣🤣

Good luck, OP! I'm really impressed with your strength in dealing with this.

I've had a couple of friends leave abusive relationships and both had to call the police at the time. One was only given 20 minutes to gather as much as she could. So, please speak to them in advance so they can support you through this. Your local women's centre might also be able to help.

Good luck, OP

Man you're worried will injure you, whose wife died unexpectedly after a short illness?

I'd be making sure to eat (and give my children) food from sealed tins, bottled water, etc. -- not anything prepared by him.