Wish me luck ... I'm actually doing it

[beverleymaccalovesdave]

I've posted under many names over the last year , mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn't have the strength to leave and I didn't want my mn 'friends' to get fed up of me the way my real life friends have .

Long story short : I met a man who initially was everything I could have wished for , it didn't take long for the cracks to show but I thought I could change him if I was just a little better with him , if I didn't say too much , if I just agreed with him more .. you get the jist !

Anyway I gave up my house to live with him and his children ( he is a young widower) and for a million reasons all of which I knew and could see before I did that I am finally at breaking point .

Right now ,I am awaiting the call back from the letting agent on a property I've fallen in love with back In my hometown (miles always from him ) . I have already passed the credit check and secured a little loan off my big brother for the deposit , just the references to go now .

I know it will all kick off when I tell him I'm leaving and I know there will be a battle over me taking my things and I probs won't get out of there without some injury or all of my possessions but I'm so looking forward to just me and my dds being happy and safe in our little cottage .

I'm still playing the game at the minute , still sending the 'I love you 'texts and pottering around his house , sorting his kids , handing my money over ( money is a big problem of his , his is his but once that's gone he demands mine too,'family pot' but only when it suits him ) .

Ive got a van lined up and am covertly putting the word out for second hand furniture amongst my work friends ( I still work in my hometown and of course he hasn't wanted to bother with any of them despite numerous invites )

It will be a few days/week or so before I can attempt to get my things and go but it's happening , just hope all is good news with the letting agency

Wish me luck

Op
What area in the country are you? We are all worried something bad will happen to you if your anywhere near where I live I would be happy to help you move out and be there to make sure your safe.

The OP hasn’t said she feels unsafe though. She has said he may ‘kick Off’ which diesnt necessarily mean get violent. I am sure the police can help where there is a history of DV but I don’t think they just turn up as some kind of private security firm on a whim.

The OP hasn’t said she feels unsafe though

PolkaDoting what does this sound like to you? Sounds very much like the OP is going into an unsafe situation to me.

I probs won't get out of there without some injury

Why are you minimising?

Two women a week are killed by their partner or ex partner. When a woman leaves is the most dangerous time.

The OP is amazing, she's thought of everything - except this, she does seem to be putting herself in harms way unnecessarily.

You may not recognise the (flashing red) signs of an abusive relationship here but many of us here do.

This is exactly what the police are here for. How dare you say asking the police for help in this situation is using them "as some kind of private security firm on a whim". It's this kind of attitude that contributes to women being at risk of serious violence.

Apologies - I had missed where the OP said she thought she wouldn’t get out without an injury.

Clearly you need someone with you OP - can you hire a man with a van?

I'm still here , just redecorating and furnishing my beautiful little cottage in my head obviously

All is very calm , a usual Saturday, I'm pottering and sorting for the 'charity shop'

I just want to say , I'm not frightened of him but he is volatile.. 1 to a 100 in a second if he gets one on him . He will push and shove but has never hit me as such , I'm not minimising the risk but I'm just not thinking that far ahead yet .

I needed to sorted somewhere to go first , now that's done I can think about how to get my things out . I've got 6 days to get a plan together, I am hoping I can get a 'team' together on actual moving day . And if necessary I will inform the police when I know what's happening . It may not come to that .

On reflection, I'm not telling his mum or anyone over here . I might need them as leverage to get the last bits of my stuff so better to keep them on side for moment .

Just had a teary moment to myself . His dd is staying with his dad and dsm tonight , I've just called her to find out what clothes she wants packing as they do various activities, she just finished the call by saying what we would do without you

It's sad but hasn't broke my resolve . I honestly don't know who this Beverly is but I like her

Op.. just wanted to wish you luck & say I think you are very brave & inspirational.. life is too short to be unhappy & you are doing the right thing for you & your child.. well done!

Please know though that if he kicks off the police will attend & keep him out of the way until you can get away..

I left an unhappy (but not abusive) marriage 10 years ago & have built a new life for myself & dd... it was tough & still can be financially some months but my freedom & independence are more than worth any sacrifice

I’m sorry if this has already been suggested but I had a friend who would squirrel out about a carrier bags worth of her stuff, daily, in the bottom of her pushchair over a couple of weeks to a friends house. When the time came to leave, the most valuable and important bits of her stuff were already out of the house and in a safe place. Her husband never noticed and it just meant that her stuff was safe also doing something every day towards leaving meant that she couldn’t turn back. Xx

So pleased you're getting away from him. So sad his wife died young and clearly had a horrible life.

Best wishes, OP. I'm trying to work out which threads of yours I've read previously - some of the details sound familiar.

After it's all done, maybe his Mum would pass messages (or letters?) onto his kids for you so you can reassure them that you're not leaving because of them, and that you still love them?

Good luck please get that team of people to help you load the van and if he won't let you take stuff call the police.

If possible try and pull together evidence of ownership and a complete list of what you want to take.

Your plan is coming together nicely

I haven't checked in for a little while, and I'm pleased to hear you have a new home to go to. I wish you luck at the end of the week.

We all like the new Beverley who is kicking ass!
Hats off to you!

I love how independant and empowered you are, soon be just you and your kids to focus on- wishing you all the best ❤

How you doung op

Good luck, OP. I hope all goes well for you

Hi, I'm following your posts, I'm rooting for you, I will be thinking about you on moving day, good luck , continue to be strong!! XX

I'm cheering on!

Please please get a team together to help you move. Get as much of your stuff as you can. Take all the help you can get. This man really doesn't sound very nice.

Good luck op. Rooting for you. Is it possible to keep where you are going a secret? It might be wise.

Good luck!

Thinking of you. Love your plan!

I've been dipping in and out hoping for a successful ending OP, hope all goes swimmingly for you x

Thinking of you OP

Good luck for the weekend, OP

Another voice to ask for police presence when you pull up the van. Please do this. You need to be so careful.