Wish me luck ... I'm actually doing it

[beverleymaccalovesdave]

I've posted under many names over the last year , mainly because I was embarrassed that I didn't have the strength to leave and I didn't want my mn 'friends' to get fed up of me the way my real life friends have .

Long story short : I met a man who initially was everything I could have wished for , it didn't take long for the cracks to show but I thought I could change him if I was just a little better with him , if I didn't say too much , if I just agreed with him more .. you get the jist !

Anyway I gave up my house to live with him and his children ( he is a young widower) and for a million reasons all of which I knew and could see before I did that I am finally at breaking point .

Right now ,I am awaiting the call back from the letting agent on a property I've fallen in love with back In my hometown (miles always from him ) . I have already passed the credit check and secured a little loan off my big brother for the deposit , just the references to go now .

I know it will all kick off when I tell him I'm leaving and I know there will be a battle over me taking my things and I probs won't get out of there without some injury or all of my possessions but I'm so looking forward to just me and my dds being happy and safe in our little cottage .

I'm still playing the game at the minute , still sending the 'I love you 'texts and pottering around his house , sorting his kids , handing my money over ( money is a big problem of his , his is his but once that's gone he demands mine too,'family pot' but only when it suits him ) .

Ive got a van lined up and am covertly putting the word out for second hand furniture amongst my work friends ( I still work in my hometown and of course he hasn't wanted to bother with any of them despite numerous invites )

It will be a few days/week or so before I can attempt to get my things and go but it's happening , just hope all is good news with the letting agency

Wish me luck

Good luck. You'll need help though. How on earth will you load white goods and bedroom furniture into a van alone?

Wait a minute - you’re going to tell his mum? Please don’t, her allegiance will always be to him, and people can surprise you and not always in a good way - I’ve learnt this from bitter experience. Keep your shit locked down, you sound like you are doing too well to fall at the last hurdle.

also there is a removal company who will move women in dangerous domestic situations for free

This is a great idea! Even if you were able to get 2 removals labourers for a couple of hours to load the van (they are magicians at getting stuff to fit). I implore you to contact a couple of firms and ask them if they would help.

You said earlier you have no friends because over the years you always choose him over them. If an old friend whom I hadn't seen for a long time came to me in your circumstances I would rekindle the friendship without a second thought. I'm pretty sure this will be the case for you when you feel strong enough to approach your old friends.

Good luck with all of this. Rooting for you.

Agent just called , landlord has approved my application

The house is mine

Can't get the keys until the 11th though so 1 week to get a plan together.

You lot have to keep me strong and sane upto then

Woo hoo!
Are your DCs at their dad's all the while till then?

Good advice to start taking stuff to your workplace if you can. You've got a bit of time

I wouldn’t tell his mum as the fall out will fall to her to step up

I’d doubt anything she said can’t denied

Fantastic news that you have the house :-)

I agree with previous posters. Can you take a few of yours / the children's bits to work with you each day until the 11th? Even if it's a small bag of photos, some favourite toys etc.

I wouldn't tell his mum either. She sounds like a good un but I just wouldn't risk it? How will you move white goods by yourself? Please call police or women's aid to see if anyone can assist you.

So pleased for you.
Now plan carefully.
1 week to freedom!!!

No , they are going to have to come back for a few days in between as he will never buy the fact I won't see them 2 weeks in a row .

Everything at home is quiet and calm at the minute so that's not the end of the world . And schools back so it will only be for a few hours in the evening . Everything is ok because I'm not reacting or biting back . Shit is kicking off at work so he thinks I'm tired and worn out from that ( I am but not as much as he thinks) and not having my kids there makes it's easier not to give a crap what he's moaning about in front of them iyswim!

I will be busy clearing out for the 'charity shop' this weekend and and by the way mr arse , my exH has just called and insisted that I take over some of their toys that are in storage as it's not fair I have it all at mine and they have nothing at his so I will need the key( will be getting a copy made) for the lock up to sort that out

Pleas e call the police and ask if they can help be there when you get your stuff. Please don't put yourself in danger if there is another option.

Well done - rooting for you here.

Could your exH be there to help you move - do you have that sort of relationship now? He sounds like he's trying to help, so just thought it was worth suggesting.

Or do let the police know as suggested (or better yet, both). Put your own safety first.

Hope it all goes well.

God OP. My stomach is in knots! I’m so nervous for you! Good luck!!!

Just read all of this and wanted to wish you luck, you sound like you are doing all the right things so that you can move on smoothly. Fingers are firmly crossed for you and I'm wishing you all the luck in the world.

It's great news about the house 👍

Good luck

Hi op, I don't know if you know this already, but if you need cash but don't want cash point transactions showing up on statements you can always get cash back at the supermarket whilst doing your shop, it just adds to to the total so just looks like your normal shop. It could be a handy way of getting some of your hard earned cash back from that "family pot".

I really admire you, OP, and wish you all the very best for a much happier future. X

@LadyFlumpalot

There is no joint account so that wouldn't matter .

He spends money like water so when he is through with his I get the "babe can you just transfer £30 "several times a week which all adds up when I get one set amount every month .

I pay half the bills on his house ( even though he has 2 kids living there full time and I don't , but I ignored that !)

He is the master of forgetting his wallet or promises to pay it back then finds a reason why he can't or shouldn't , if pushed for it , I'm a nag and it's all the' family pot' anyway so no need to transfer it over .

He will take me on expensive day outs or weekends away , I am always asking if we can afford that ? Yes yes , I had a big job come in ( he has a little business on the side too) then a week later , he will say that I need to pay for everything for the rest of the month because he is skint because I spent all his money doing whatever activity he had booked and 'surprised ' me with .

We both have grown up kids too that don't live with us as well as the little ones .. Xmas was completely on my shoulders this year . He bought nothing for anyone and then said I'd spent all his money because he had chosen to buy me an expensive thing (that is shit and I didn't ask for ) and that's why I had to pick up the slack buying for his kids and family . I even had to buy his late partner Xmas wreath because it was Xmas eve and he hadn't done it even though he'd made a big song and dance about taking his kids to see mummy on Xmas day .

And breathe .. I'm ranting again .. sorry !

And I am not getting any work done sitting moaning to you guys .

Will be back when I can to update but hopefully will be a quiet weekend with nothing to report .

Few more days of it and it will all be over .

ExH is meeting me tomorrow to transfer the stuff I'm meant to be skipping out of the lock up and is keeping it safe until I get the keys , followed by all the going to charity stuff when I pick the kids up on Monday , his house will look like a jumble sale but it's one less worry and bit more of me out of the house .

Thanks everyon

Wow op you are very organised indeed!!
Your new life isn't far away now.

Glad your ex has got your back too.

Great news about the house! Congratulations!