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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Haven’t heard from my boyfriend since Saturday

470 replies

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 12:36

We’ve been dating for 6 months we’re not the type that text each other all day long but we always message each other good morning and usually have some kind of text conversation in a day.

I left his house Saturday lunchtime and he was getting ready to meet his friends in town for food then they were going out out later on we talked a little but while he was out then around 9pm I text him saying have a good night and let me know when your home he said he would and text me saying good night. Woke up Sunday morning and he hadn’t text so I text him the usual good morning and asked about his night I didn’t hear anything all day but assumed he was just sleeping/hungover I text him again Sunday night asking if he was alright and the message didn’t deliver I tried to ring him and it went straight to voicemail and has done ever since. I assumed at first he’d just lost his phone in his flat and let it die (this happens a lot he’s not the type who’s always got his phone in his hand) but he was supposed to be going out again last night for New Years and the phone is still dead so I’m starting to get really worried because he wouldn’t have gone out without it.

Not really sure why I’m posting or what help people could be but I just needed to talk to someone, maybe have some reassurance?

OP posts:
Juells · 01/01/2019 14:37

It sounds like he did quite a good job of not giving you much info on him at all, with no email or anything.

Yes, I'm afraid that's what leaps out.

wheretoyougonow · 01/01/2019 14:37

@Chloe. I would do less work and concentrate more at college if I was you. You need to learn to put capital letters after a full stop Grin

SassitudeandSparkle · 01/01/2019 14:38

It does sound a very casual/FWB relationship to me, so I think you'll have to wait and see if he does get in contact again. In the last six months, you've never met each other's friends or any family?

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 14:40

AnchorDownDeepBreath I spoke to him whilst he was out on Saturday though so if he was going to block me surely it would have been before he went out? I messaged him Sunday morning and it delivered so if he had blocked me he hadnt done it till some point on Sunday. He could maybe contact people we used to work with together but I’m not even sure if he has any of their numbers and if he could get them then he could get mine? He doesn’t have my email address and I don’t have a landline but he would be able to find me on Facebook easily my names pretty unusual

OP posts:
BlimeyCalmDown · 01/01/2019 14:40

Very odd, do let us know when you eventually find out...

SuperSuperSuper · 01/01/2019 14:42

if the work email elicits no response tomorrow, which will be the case if he's ghosted you or is ill/hurt, you'll be none the wiser. You need to get yourself over there. Do what it takes re childcare - ask your ex to return home, beg a favour from a friend or whatever. You only need an hour or so.

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 14:44

loveyoutothemoon he lives in a block of flats and you can’t park outside so it would mean parking up round the corner taking the kids up 3 flights of stairs to get to his flat

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 01/01/2019 14:45

I think it is far more likely that he has a hangover and hasn’t charged his phone, or has lost it, than that he is ghosting you. If he is a laid back person he isn’t likely to worry about not calling you over a day, when you can be in touch tomorrow. When i was first seeing DH he often wouldn’t call for days, if he was busy. I think once it was a week ! It just didn’t occur to him. Obviously that was completely different once we were living together, but in the first year certainly.
I wouldn’t worry too much yet op, hopefully you will speak to him tomorrow.

Calzone · 01/01/2019 14:45

Hmmmm

  1. I hope he’s ok.
  1. I hope he’s got a damn good reason for not being in contact.
WhatsUpHun · 01/01/2019 14:48

have you got a friend who can sit with the kids? either at your place or in your car?

MummEE2 · 01/01/2019 14:48

Definitely go round to his! I'd be worried something has happened to him. Does he work? A final thing would be to check if he's showed up for work. If he misses work and doesn't answer his door I'd call police non emergency number 101 and ask for a safe and well check

AWishForWingsThatWork · 01/01/2019 14:49

A hangover since Sunday? No phone since Sunday?

Unlikely.

VanGoghsDog · 01/01/2019 14:52

Why is no phone since Sunday unlikely?

If I'd lost my phone last Sat or Sun I'd initially hope to find it but no way would I have managed to buy a new one by now. And I don't know anyone's number so if they were not on social media I'd not be able to contact them.

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 14:55

I get what your saying about not having a lot of information about him but I know a lot about his life? I know where he lives and works, all about his friends and family past relationships etc he’s from the Caribbean origionally so all his family are there. He has a group of friends here that he meets up with but not very regularly so I’ve not met them. I’ve never really needed to know his email address and he doesn’t have mine in fact I don’t think I know any of my friends/family’s email addresses I think the lack of social media means that without his phone he’s pretty stuck for contact. I don’t know, maybe he’s just not the person I thought he was I guess will just have to wait till tomorrow to find out

OP posts:
nwatty · 01/01/2019 14:59

I have skimmed the full thread and no-one seems to have suggested the he is in custody having had a messy night and got into trouble? He won't have appeared in court yet because of the holidays

Tistheseason17 · 01/01/2019 15:00

My DH's lodger died after a night out drinking.my DH was away with relatives. Undiscovered in his private room for a few days over Xmas period (years ago) until his work called and asked if he was coming in.

It does happen, although I would prefer the "he lost his phone" option or even the ghosting option.

Userplusnumbers · 01/01/2019 15:00

Hope you find out what's going on OP

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 01/01/2019 15:00

It sounds more like he's lost his phone tbh, the phone would retain charge till morning and then die.

Do you have a landline? Or is there another phone you could use, one of your dcs? Or a friends? So you can ring him with a number that's not yours. That way if he's blocked you those calls will go through at least, if that too goes straight to voicemail then it's probably he's lost his phone/not charged it.

I lost my phone before and its taken a couple of weeks to get a replacement, especially round this time of year and if he wants to claim it on insurance.

I would probably go round, bung the kids in the car find a mcdonalds or something nearby as an excuse and then just knock on his door just to check he's okay. Does his housemate have fb? Even if they don't get on you could message the housemate and find out if he's there, or whats going on

TheFuckfaceWhisperer · 01/01/2019 15:00

MummEE2

OP has already said he's back at work tomorrow! RTFT

LuluJakey1 · 01/01/2019 15:00

Goodness, so many barriers between you! I am struggling imagine how you must be feeling; I would be extremely worried if I was in this situation in real-life and would just put the kids in the car and go round there. Perhaps a friend could accompany you and stay in the carwith the kids while you go up to the flat. If he doesn't answer you could look through the windows and the letter box, or his flatmate might be in. If not you could put a note through the door saying you are very worried and if you have notheard from him by midnight will be ringing the police for advice.

VanGoghsDog · 01/01/2019 15:01

'ask for a safe and well check' for a fully grown adult with no health issues, who has a job and lives with someone, who was out Sat night, over NY and who hasn't called his casual gf for two days.

This isn't a thing, sorry.

PerverseConverse · 01/01/2019 15:04

Thinking of you and hoping all is ok. It's very odd but there could be a good explanation.

LuluJakey1 · 01/01/2019 15:04

Put your phone number and email on the note and ask him to contact you. He can go to a call box or use a friend's phone or ipad. I think Saturday night to now is a long time.

GodknowsIwanttobreakfree · 01/01/2019 15:04

Yes if he’s not turned up for work or something it’s a worry but on New Year’s Day after a night out when you know he was with friends, likely to be recovering somewhere.

supersop60 · 01/01/2019 15:10

Options

  1. Long weekend bender with mates
  2. In hospital following accident (see above) - this happened to me - friend didn't email for a week, and had been in a serious car accident on M6
  3. Met someone else (sorry)
  4. Has lost phone, and thinks your relationship is casual enough that he doesn't need to let you know.