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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Haven’t heard from my boyfriend since Saturday

470 replies

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 12:36

We’ve been dating for 6 months we’re not the type that text each other all day long but we always message each other good morning and usually have some kind of text conversation in a day.

I left his house Saturday lunchtime and he was getting ready to meet his friends in town for food then they were going out out later on we talked a little but while he was out then around 9pm I text him saying have a good night and let me know when your home he said he would and text me saying good night. Woke up Sunday morning and he hadn’t text so I text him the usual good morning and asked about his night I didn’t hear anything all day but assumed he was just sleeping/hungover I text him again Sunday night asking if he was alright and the message didn’t deliver I tried to ring him and it went straight to voicemail and has done ever since. I assumed at first he’d just lost his phone in his flat and let it die (this happens a lot he’s not the type who’s always got his phone in his hand) but he was supposed to be going out again last night for New Years and the phone is still dead so I’m starting to get really worried because he wouldn’t have gone out without it.

Not really sure why I’m posting or what help people could be but I just needed to talk to someone, maybe have some reassurance?

OP posts:
Musti · 01/01/2019 13:22

I can imagine how worried you must be. It sounds like something has happened to his phone and as he doesn't know your address nor your phone number and doesn't have social media, then there is no way he can contact you. You'll find out tomorrow when you're both at work. Hope everything us ok op.

CatnissEverdene · 01/01/2019 13:24

Sounds like a very casual relationship OP.

I'd sit it out and wait.

category12 · 01/01/2019 13:25

Got hammered on Saturday or met someone else, has ghosted you.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/01/2019 13:27

I hate to say it, but 6 months in and he's not seen your home (and I understand about the children.)
It sounds very casual.

If he goes to work, can you call him there on the company line and ask to speak to him? Don't give your name as the caller, just say it's a personal call, or make something up!

I think in future though you should be more open about where you live when you have been dating for 6 months.

How much do you see of him?

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 13:29

Lindy2 he has a flat mate but they have fallen out and he is getting his own place in the new year. I would have thought his flat mate would still check on him though if he was really ill and hadn’t come out of his room?

SassitudeandSparkle we see each other as regularly as we can around my DC which usually one night a week but we have spent a few weekends together recently and things seemed to be progressing well between us. He hasn’t been to my house as my ex (DCs dad) is still living here too he was supposed to move out months ago but due to several fuck ups and delays by my solicitors whilst trying to remortgage and buy him out of the house he is still here. Yes it’s all abit messy and I never intended to start a relationship whilst living with my ex but it was very out of the blue and started very casually.

2018dramaqueen I have tried that and it still goes straight to voicemail

OP posts:
Hezz · 01/01/2019 13:30

I'd go round there, get someone to mind the children for an hour or so if you can

Magenta46 · 01/01/2019 13:32

If your message wasn't delivered there is every chance he has blocked you.

Tiredeyes21 · 01/01/2019 13:33

Sounds like he’s lost his phone on a night out and has no way to contact you!
Email is work email or see if your Ex can have the kids and pop over to his to say happy new year!

Musti · 01/01/2019 13:33

If your ex still lives with you then the children can stay with him whilst you go to his flat.

GodknowsIwanttobreakfree · 01/01/2019 13:34

I would assume he had gone on a major bender (drink? Drugs?) and not recovered or had met someone sorry.

If it was more serious between you I would be concerned but it all sounds casual and messy.

loveyoutothemoon · 01/01/2019 13:35

Just go to his and knock on!

VanGoghsDog · 01/01/2019 13:37

Well, he's probably lost his phone.

Can your ex stay with the kids while you go over to his flat to see him?

DontFuckingSayIt · 01/01/2019 13:38

He might have damaged his phone and just not be that bothered about fixing/replacing it.
Or, he may have changed his mind/met someone else and is now ghosting you.
Unfortunately you won't know unless he gets in contact or you see him in person.

Is not seeing your friends often really that odd?! I see mine a couple of times a year!

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 13:39

JinglingHellsBells he doesn’t have a landline, he knows roughly where I live to the point that he could get to my estate but I don’t think he knows the exact street name or number. I don’t think him not having social media is that odd he’s mid 30s and I know quite a few people that age that don’t bother with it anymore he’s quite a private person with people he’s not close to so he doesn’t feel the need to use it. He has a personal email but I don’t know what it is, I’ve never really needed to email him?

OP posts:
Fontofnoknowledge · 01/01/2019 13:39

If you have been seeing each other for six months, see each other at least once a week and increasingly often at weekends - did you not have plans for New Years Eve together ?

I understand you maybe had childcare to cover, but surely a Happy New YEar text is the very least to expect. The absence of this above all else would signal something is seriously up. Illness, or ghosting.

If you live with your ex surely you can leave their father to look after them for an hour whilst you travel to his home and back ?

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 13:44

Ex is out so can’t have the kids no idea when he will be back

OP posts:
huggybear · 01/01/2019 13:45

Ah I feel for your OP, I would be worried too. I would probably try and seek our close family on SM, assuming he's not called John Smith, it might not be too hard.

Fontofnoknowledge · 01/01/2019 13:45

What were yourNYE arrangements with him ?

YearOfYouRemember · 01/01/2019 13:47

I hope all is okay, OP, but you need to be prepared for bad news.

PumpedUpTermite · 01/01/2019 13:48

If he’s got an iPhone (sounds like it) it would go like this, straight to voice mail and not delivering if he’d blocked you.
Withhold your number and try ringing him

colditz · 01/01/2019 13:49

As soon as you can, go to his house.

But I think it's more likely that he's being a coward than being ill.

PumpedUpTermite · 01/01/2019 13:49

Oh I’m so sorry I see you’ve already tried that Sad
Could you perhaps go to his house when you get a chance?

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 13:50

Fontofnoknowledge He was supposed to be going out with his friends again New Years we’d seen each other from the 21st-23rd and again 27th-29th so I didn’t mind not seeing him for New Years like I said he hadn’t been out for a while

OP posts:
LaughingCow99 · 01/01/2019 13:53

Is he not o. any social media and no private email. Are you sure? Most people are online somewhere. LinkedIn even. Have you ever looked on Facebook? Your relationship is very casual. He could have easily been seeing other women. I hope he isn't being a coward.

Rudgie47 · 01/01/2019 13:53

Is he married? I think it sounds like hes ghosted you OP. Sorry.

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