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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Haven’t heard from my boyfriend since Saturday

470 replies

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 12:36

We’ve been dating for 6 months we’re not the type that text each other all day long but we always message each other good morning and usually have some kind of text conversation in a day.

I left his house Saturday lunchtime and he was getting ready to meet his friends in town for food then they were going out out later on we talked a little but while he was out then around 9pm I text him saying have a good night and let me know when your home he said he would and text me saying good night. Woke up Sunday morning and he hadn’t text so I text him the usual good morning and asked about his night I didn’t hear anything all day but assumed he was just sleeping/hungover I text him again Sunday night asking if he was alright and the message didn’t deliver I tried to ring him and it went straight to voicemail and has done ever since. I assumed at first he’d just lost his phone in his flat and let it die (this happens a lot he’s not the type who’s always got his phone in his hand) but he was supposed to be going out again last night for New Years and the phone is still dead so I’m starting to get really worried because he wouldn’t have gone out without it.

Not really sure why I’m posting or what help people could be but I just needed to talk to someone, maybe have some reassurance?

OP posts:
Buttercupsandaisies · 01/01/2019 15:54

Sorry didn't mean it to sound brash but sometimes the most likely reason is the most simple. A boyfriend of 6 months would surely want to see/speak to you for NY

PolkaDoting · 01/01/2019 15:56

God this would drive me crazy, you poor thing!

alfiesmam · 01/01/2019 15:56

I’d have to call round to see if he is ok or text one of his friends or family members for them to check .

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 15:58

Chocolatecoffeeaddict I can see his profile picture but not his last seen? I’ve never messaged him on there before though so would it have a last seen? The message is on 1 tick

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 01/01/2019 16:00

I had an ex who lost his phone and disappeared for 4 days. He was very apologetic when he got his new one and his contacts back.
I had decided to dump him in the meantime and was hoping he was ghosting me but sadly not Grin

MrsGarethSouthgate · 01/01/2019 16:01

He probably doesn't have last seen switched on. He couldn't block you on WhatsApp in advance of you downloading it, so either something has happened to his phone/charger, or him.

I hope it's the former OP Flowers

Ginormoustrawberry · 01/01/2019 16:01

I really can’t see why people think it’s more obvious that he’s ghosted you than lost his phone 🤷🏽‍♀️

ClandestineAdulation · 01/01/2019 16:02

There is a setting in WhatsApp where you can turn off your ‘last seen’ and it’ll just say when you’re online or nothing at all (just a name).

If your ‘last seen’ is turned off, you won’t see his. If yours is on and you still can’t see his, then his is off.

Magenta46 · 01/01/2019 16:02

If you cant see his status and there is one tick mark you have most definitely been blocked.

XOhTriangleSquare · 01/01/2019 16:02

A PP made a good point - he might have got arrested and is in the nick waiting to go up in front of the magistrates tomorrow morning.

legolimb · 01/01/2019 16:03

OP I had a similar situation with an ex.

We'd been dating for 8 months and had met friends etc but no family.

He ghosted me. I was very worried after not hearing from him the first couple of days, thinking that he was laid up ill or dead..

He phoned me after a week and a half to end things.

I was furious that he had put me through it but I am glad that I didn't pursue him too much. I phoned a couple of times and sent one text. Then stepped back.

Yes, sometimes things do happen but often it's more of a choice that the other party has made.

Hope everything works out.

DianaT1969 · 01/01/2019 16:06

Don't you have a friend, or family member who would babysit for 1 hour? You need to know either way. Go armed with a note to put through his door in case there is no answer. Just a simple 'get in touch to let me know you are ok - your mobile'.

InglouriousBasterd · 01/01/2019 16:06

If you can see his profile pic on WhatsApp you’re not blocked. Lots of people turn off last seen these days. Hope he shows up OP but I’d be pissed off regardless, unless he’s in hospital.

ichifanny · 01/01/2019 16:07

Barring being in a coma or prison he should be able to find a way to contact you if he really wants to .

peekyboo · 01/01/2019 16:07

If he's just been careless about keeping in touch because he's been with friends, I think you should reconsider your future anyway. You wouldn't want this to be a template for your future.

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 16:07

Chocolatecoffeeaddict I can see his profile picture but not his last seen? I’ve never messaged him on there before though so would it have a last seen? The message is on 1 tick

PerverseConverse I’ve rang off withheld and it went straight to voicemail

If I lost my phone I would be doing everything I could to contact him too but I would be lost without my phone, I know that he wouldn’t think like that though he’s too chilled about everything and not the type to be glued to his phone, it could be dead for hours before he would even notice. If his phone is broken or lost he’s probably just thinking she can tell my phone is dead I’m clearly not just ignoring her and I’ll email her at work tomorrow he won’t be thinking that I’m worried about him

OP posts:
ISawSassyKissingSantaClaus · 01/01/2019 16:10

Your WhatsApp message has been sent OP but not delivered. One grey tick = sent; two grey ticks = received by recipient; two blue ticks = read by recipient. If phone is off then will only show one tick until it's turned on again. Hope there's a rational explanation for all this .... Flowers

Original poster
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 01/01/2019 16:10

Magenta46 I can see the message he’s written about himself under his name on his profile?

OP posts:
huggybear · 01/01/2019 16:11

Why don't you email his work account now? If he knows it's the only way you can contact him, he might have an eye on it (even if phone is lost etc.) Presumably he has a computer

blessedmummyov5 · 01/01/2019 16:12

Ring ur local police station they will b able to tell u if he is in custody and he will b none the wiser u rang to check

ISawSassyKissingSantaClaus · 01/01/2019 16:12

You're not blocked on WhatsApp. But clearly his phone is offline!

JinglingHellsBells · 01/01/2019 16:13

But if your mobile is the only way to contact you and he's lost his phone then presumably he's lost your number too?

Does he have a computer- ie laptop or desktop? Could he email your work email account today and could you access that from home?

PerverseConverse · 01/01/2019 16:13

I'm inclined to think lost phone. Hopefully you'll get an email tomorrow. If all is ok then I'd suggest he keeps your number written down or learns your number to prevent future events like this. He sounds far too laid back to me. Can you not access work email from outside work? I could.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/01/2019 16:15

I'm a bit [shocked] at posters saying he would get in touch somehow.

Without her phone number, and address,how do you suggest he does that?

Her work email is one option .

If he's sooooo laid back OP I'm afraid that borders on being either dim/ insensitive or inconsiderate - most people would know the other person would be worried.

TheDarkPassenger · 01/01/2019 16:17

It’s probably lost phone, fingers crossed for you that 1. He’s okay and 2. He’s not done something so cruel as ghosting you

If he’d gotten into a fight he’d only be held 12/24 hours (until he’d sobered up) then court would be scheduled while he is out. Even if he’s caused SBH he would still usually be released until court