DH and OW's baby. Can he see the baby without seeing OW?

[Lovelytea]

Husband cheated and got somebody pregnant but i decided to work on forgiving him to keep my family together. Would it be possible for him to have a relationship with the baby without having direct contact with the OW?

He confessed what he'd done himself I suspect because she was going to tell me anyway. We split for 6 weeks whilst i decided how to proceed. During this time I had conversations with the OW and I do believe it was just a one night stand that culminated from an EA and that he was no longer in touch with her. He has been transparent ever since.

He bitterly regrets the affair and cut contact with her before he told me what they'd done. Eventually I agreed to stand by him and we're now going through counselling to work through the problems we were ignoring prior to the EA, of which there were a few.

After coming to terms with the reality of the situation I realise the baby needs it's father. As far as our family goes I'm prepared to facilitate a relationship between our DC and their half sibling, I'm prepared to have the baby over our house and for our DC to slowly get to know them. It will be painful but I'd never begrudge an innocent baby a relationship with its relatives on my watch.

The babies mother has told DH in a series of rambling texts that the baby will have nothing to do with our DC and she won't allow them to come to our house. She wants him to spend time at her house with her and the baby if he wants to know him and that our family are to have nothing to do with him or be involved in discussions.

Unfortunately that doesn't sit right with me because she's made it very clear she wants to be with DH. I've seen messages where she has said as much and she's been particularly vile about me and our DC. I don't think I should have to put up with such vitrol after what they've done and if anything it should be me lashing out which im not. Although he has been unfaithful she isn't entirely innocent and is a manipulative, spiteful and so herself.

She isn't interested in being civil and adult about the situation and has done nothing but cause trouble since it became apparent I'd be standing by him. She was expecting me to leave him and for him to go and be with her and the baby. He has said he wants no contact with her whatsoever but does want to see his baby which I think he should.

So my question is, is there any way he can have a relationship with his baby without having to have direct contact with her?

We're trying to repair after what he did and quite frankly I cannot stomach the thought of him spending any time alone with the woman. I don't want to break up my family so please don't tell me to LTB as for now I've decided to try to make it work. It's been a long and painful period of deliberation but for now I'm satisfied that I've chosen what's best for my family.

A relative dealing with hand overs? A contact centre perhaps? If he took her to court would they support his stance of not wanting to speak to her? Is that even possible?

The baby is 2 weeks old now and he's yet to meet him.

Actually the other thing that strikes me depending on the situation with your own parents is you might want to make some changes to any wills to protect their inheritance

Please call your surgery for the same day appointment. It's always a pain trying to get through but you won't have to wait two weeks.

How are you finances sorted?

Will money you are earning go towards his love child?

Some posts seem to intend to make OP feel shit and guilting (ie. coercing) into what they want her to do, namely sloth for one.

I think you'd be surprised at how many resent their DMs actions whatever they are, because DMs do seem to end up getting blamed regardless of what they do,leave or not leave.

She broke up the family, couldn't forgive, which is one big reason so many women feel soo pressured to stay, like the world expects her to not 'abandon her family because of one indiscretion' and such rubbish, but that she'll be judged for being the evil woman if she does and wrong if she doesn't.

Nice, really cruel. That's what women need, someone to make them feel more shit!

Calvinsmam just why?

Of course money is going to leave OPs household to support new baby, so on some level OPs money will have to be re-resourced.

Where are you going with that? Was it to beat her over the head with, or was it something positive?

@deepwatersolo

This isn't a Boris Becker thread, but, it's everywhere.

He clearly lied, first of all he said he never had full sex and he accused the mother of his child of saving his sperm from oral sex.

He then cancelled these claims and took responsibility, and later told the story of how he had unprotected sex.

He's a famous liar though.

bethy I think it's a basic requirement for the role of philandering womaniser isn't it! The convincing lying is intrinsic to the heart of the betrayal and broken trust, in both needing to get away with it and the bloody aftermath that follows!

My heart goes out to you OP. Do what's best for you and for your DC. Fuck him and her. Take your time and get some money away, get your head together and leave him. I don't think you could ever forget or forgive not fully anyway and it will always be in the back of your mind what happened.

My grandad stay with my grandma after she had a 7 year affair, when he found out he was going to leave, but not long after that my dm found out she was pregnant at 16. He stayed.
And thank god he did!!! ( not saying op you should) he was and still is the only person I can trust and talk too, we have such a close relationship. I don't know who I would of gone to if it wasn't for him.

Put yourself and your own DC first OP, you really need to focus on yourself and don't even think about OW and what your cheating husband may or may not do if you decide you don't want him in your life. If he can't be trusted then all the monitoring in the world is t going to change that. You've been under an immense pressure and stress, take care of yourself x

bethy15 great that it is everywhere. That means you can easily provide a link.

Re Boris Becker, he impregnated a stranger whilst he had a heavily pregnant wife, tried to avoid his responsibilities with a lie and then 17 years later that lie is resurrected on here as fact to have a dig about evil women trapping men. How shitty does a man have to behave before his word isn't taken as gospel. There was never any evidence of his claim and he later acknowledged it wasn't true.

This is hilarious. On the other thread a woman is convinced to break up because her partner is so abusive that he ignores her judgement, while here commenters ignore OP‘s judgement and tell her to break up instead.

Oh ffs, just post a f‘ing link Twisted. I don‘t mind being corrected. Doesn‘t mean it proves that humans never dupe their partners in matters of conception and parenthood, though.

Post a link to what? Facts that are readily available online and in his own autobiography? Here's one.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2003/nov/04/books.sport

Here's another where he acknowledged he should have used a condom.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1432167/

Where's your link where it states that she definitely stole his sperm?

Ignore the twats. This woman knew she was getting into a tangled web sleeping with a married man, you didn't!! No fucking sympathy here and I wouldn't expect any from you either. You put you and your children first, bollox to her!

Tbh to do that she sounds mentally unbalanced. He sounds a complete twat. Not a brain cell between them. In time you will see that and you will be glad your out and away from them both.

Oooo nice sweary angry posts

@ChristmasSprite slow hand clap now go home.

Oooo what's up with you reputation? What have you come here for exactly, just to be positively contributing? Doing well there so far.

Oh ffs, just post a f‘ing link Twisted

bethy15 great that it is everywhere. That means you can easily provide a link

Jesus, you really needed that link, huh? I'm not really sure why when you could google it yourself and TBH this thread isn't about Boris bloody Becker.

He lied, he said it was only oral sex, then he admitted it was full unprotected sex.
He's a liar and a cheat, he cheated on his wife while she was giving birth. Yet for some reason you are making the woman the conniving one in all of this and she somehow impregnated herself, despite him admitting his lies.

This is some weird shit that you needed the woman to be in the wrong here with a man who cheated on his wife during childbirth!

Angry angry, if threads upset you so much then you are better backing off and saving yourself the upset, and trying to be offensive

I'm only on Page 21 but would like to say I wish she had the same empathy for your DC's as you do for hers.

Please, enough from other posters of the 'tiny baby' shit. OP has a 'tiny baby' too. OP is NOT blaming OW more than her husband.

OP I would give it a few months. Then think about how you feel.

And I think you sound wonderful

Am so sorry about the situation your husband has caused for you
Sorry also that the OW was nasty to you. Maybe it would be useful to imagine she had been nice and apologised. How would that have made you feel? The fact that she wasn’t nice let’s you have more sympathy for your husband.
Him being helpful and mindful of you now is that motivated by a turn around in his thinking or fear of what you might do? ( ie leave)
I hope you can access help and counseling as it is extremely unfair that you have been put in the middle of all this and your DH seems to be not taking any hard decisions

Thank you.