Dumped the day after sex

[l0ve]

I had my first date yesterday with a guy I met online after recently coming out of a long term relationship.

We'd been messaging constantly for the past two weeks, and the messages ended up fairly intense and sexual. We'd also spoken a few times on the phone. He told me he was looking for a long term relationship (not interested in a hook up), and that he really liked me.

Went for the date yesterday and I was really nervous, but the conversation flowed and it seemed to go ok. We left the restaurant and he asked what I wanted to do next, if I wanted to get another drink somewhere. I offered that he could come back to my place for a drink.

We sat on the sofa and we had a kiss. I asked him if he'd like to meet again and he said definitely. We kept kissing and we ended up having sex (I know - bad idea!!). The sex wasn't the best, I think he has some issues with a tight foreskin. In his messages to me he was boasting about how much pleasure he would give me, so maybe I really built it up in my head and was always going to be disappointed.

He left later in the evening and sent me a generic message when he got home, which did not mention the sex/what a great date it was. Alarm bells then started to ring!

I contacted him this morning and asked him outright if he wanted to continue this. He said there was no spark during our date. Why would you have sex with someone if there's no spark? And that he didn't want to continue things.

I feel so down and used. I know this is my own fault, but it's so humiliating. I've never had a one night stand before and now I feel like such a loser.

I’m so sorry, what a dick. I know it hurts now but you can do better than him.

Dodged a bullet there. Onwards and upwards.

(I’m honestly not a prude or judging, but from what I’ve read on here, ‘shag and drop’ appears to be a common OLD thing. If you’re looking for more than a ONS, maybe hang on a bit before doing the deed?)

Do you think he was worried he couldn't perform properly ?

I'd ring him and just say it doesn't matter about the sec, it was the first time etc , is he sure that's it and perhaps suggest a meal etc

What an asshole. Sounds like he was crap shag and a crap person so you're way better off without him

Chuck the whole experience in the fuck it bucket and move on.

Live and learn. It is always a risk to start sexting before you have even met someone.

Don’t worry about it.

But if it does bother you, this isn’t your first time at the rodeo, it’s prudent to be cautious of what a man tells you when he might get his leg over. If you want the shag too then grand, but don’t have the shag on flowery words he might give you.

Most of us have been there. You just have to learn from it. Don't beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes especially with men and sex. Try to put it behind you and take the lesson to slow down next time and not always believe what a guy says. He probably didn't set out to hurt you. You both got carried away and now he has bolted. Block him (because they normally turn up again when they want sex) and onwards and upwards.

He's a loser. A ONS is fun if its what you both want, but i cant imagine putting in 2 weeks' work for a moderately unsatisfying shag. I think a lot of the men (and women, actually) who behave like this are quite technically unskilled at sex and don't realise that they could get even better sex if they stuck around!

DO NOT RING HIM!!!!

Blimey don’t give another go at treating you like rubbish.

If you want to have sex with someone on the first date that’s fine just keep in mind it might not go the way you want it to.

Don't get into sexting someone you've never met! put this episode down to experience.

@bigchris are you fucking serious?

So here's the facts

you have only been communicating with this guy for two weeks

In those two weeks your messages were already intense and sexual

You had sex with him on the first date,

He played you...he found someone willing to indulge his sex talk in messages and have sex on the first date...he's got what he came for and probably was never after a relationship, he will be moving onto some other unsuspecting woman..

Don't be too hard on yourself op, learn from this...don't indulge in sex talk with guys you have not even met (it weeds out the creeps that you could end up meeting)...also don't give up the goods on the first date (make him wait, so you can develop a relationship before you progress to that..the online guys that will protest against this are the ones looking for one night stands, the ones who won't mind are probably the ones looking for a relationship themselves and they are the ones to concentrate on if you are looking to find yourself a keeper...

But block that guys number from your phone and from any online social media..don't beg him to see you, you should never have to beg someone to be with you...walk away with dignity, dust yourself down and vow to learn from the experience so that you don't repeat it in the future

Definitely dodged a bullet. Learn from this sweetheart and move on. He doesn't sound like a catch by any stretch so you aren't missing much!

You've had a lucky escape!

So sorry you've been treated like this. Maybe read The Rules before your next date? And you can approach things differently next time. It helped me.

I'd ring him and just say it doesn't matter about the sec, it was the first time etc , is he sure that's it and perhaps suggest a meal etc

Do not do this unless you want to look completely fucking desperate. Lots of us have been in similar situations, there’s nothing shameful about it from your point of view. Just learn from it and move on.

Why the fuck should she ring him?!?! that is one of the most bizarre things I've read

Where did you think sexting someone you hadn’t been on a first date with would end? You dodged a bullet, being with him would have been a whole lot worse than being dumped by him.

You give the impression of being too eager to please. Take ownership of your role in this encounter and understand that sexy talk and sex are no guarantees.

I’m not subscribing to the playing hard to get bullshit but It wouldn’t take a crystal ball to foresee where this ended up.

Thanks for all the messages. I should probably not date for a while, I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind. My ex cheated on me before this (affair going on for over 6 months), and now I have this!!!

I don't feel emotionally resilient enough to cope with this. I guess because I've never experienced this kind of thing before in relationships and now I've had two things happen back to back.

I know I should block this guy. I logged into the dating site this morning and he was showing as online, so obviously looking again for someone. I had a feeling in my gut this was a bad idea but went along with it anyway. Ugh, hopefully this is a lesson learnt!

See this fool as nothing but someone to help erase your ex. Bad sex isn't exactly alluring anyway! You'll meet someone much better soon.

It obviously wasn’t right for either of you.

The spark obviously wasn’t there for either of you, so put it down to experience and move on

Sorry this happened to you. He's an arsehole.
Please be careful about inviting people (men!) you don't know back to your place, or going to there's.
It puts you in such a vulnerable position.

He’s probably looking for a mythical magical woman to fix his sexual issues. She doesn’t exist, so you certainly shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being his ‘one’.

As the previous posted said, chuck it in the fuck it bucket - much easier to do if you block him.

Keep the bone and the dog will follow.

Next time have a first date plan eg meet for a quick coffee for an hour, plan how to get home, don’t invite a guy back on the first date. Yes it could all work out fine but more likely it won’t with a stranger and then you don’t risk this happening again.