Dumped the day after sex

[l0ve]

I had my first date yesterday with a guy I met online after recently coming out of a long term relationship.

We'd been messaging constantly for the past two weeks, and the messages ended up fairly intense and sexual. We'd also spoken a few times on the phone. He told me he was looking for a long term relationship (not interested in a hook up), and that he really liked me.

Went for the date yesterday and I was really nervous, but the conversation flowed and it seemed to go ok. We left the restaurant and he asked what I wanted to do next, if I wanted to get another drink somewhere. I offered that he could come back to my place for a drink.

We sat on the sofa and we had a kiss. I asked him if he'd like to meet again and he said definitely. We kept kissing and we ended up having sex (I know - bad idea!!). The sex wasn't the best, I think he has some issues with a tight foreskin. In his messages to me he was boasting about how much pleasure he would give me, so maybe I really built it up in my head and was always going to be disappointed.

He left later in the evening and sent me a generic message when he got home, which did not mention the sex/what a great date it was. Alarm bells then started to ring!

I contacted him this morning and asked him outright if he wanted to continue this. He said there was no spark during our date. Why would you have sex with someone if there's no spark? And that he didn't want to continue things.

I feel so down and used. I know this is my own fault, but it's so humiliating. I've never had a one night stand before and now I feel like such a loser.

Eeewww, what a dick! Lucky escape I'd say.

Assuming you used contraception and don't need STI tests?!

You were actually incredibly lucky! It's really not a good idea to invite a stranger back to your home on a first date when you literally know nothing about him. You must have known after the sexting thing that he was likely to expect you to 'put out', and then you ask him back to yours?!

I'd advise you not to date for a while, and do some work on your self-esteem meantime.

I've met his type. Haven't slept with them and they've got nasty. There are so many men on OLD who think sex is owed to them on a first date and who will say anything to get you to think they're not just going to shag you and leave you.

I'm really sorry you've had this experience. If you're still feeling vulnerable, take some time away from OLD to lick your wounds and work on how amazing you are. Once you feel like you have your confidence back, give it another go, but this time, don't be pressured into doing anything that your mind warns you doesn't feel quite right.

You know what you're looking for, and you know when you're not getting it - listen to that little voice. It's trying to protect you and knows you much better than the man who is effectively still a stranger.

PS You're better than that idiot and you know it. Chin up, as awful as this feels now, living through this experience doesn't make you any less fabulous. You know your own worth and that's all that counts.

Unfortunately you got played. He told you want you wanted to hear so you would have sex with him. Shit but it happens.

Best to block him, don't hurt yourself by seeing hi so the same thing over and over again to other women.

Some men, who are a bit disappointing sexually, do this sort of thing regularly. It means they never have to acknowledge their problem and they can act like a bit of a stud until found out, at which point you're discarded.

It really is him and not you OP.

Don't stress. He couldn't perform and his ego has been dented so he blagged 'no spark'. Yeah alright sunshine, whatever!

Chalk it up to experience and decide what you'd do differently next time you go on a date 😊

You went out
It went ok
You invited him back
You had sex
You weren’t impressed
He was entirely straight with you that doesn’t want to get together again (when he could have dragged it out or avoided the issue)

He doesn’t sound like a dick to me.

Kikipost Did you miss the bit in the OP where she said I asked him if he'd like to meet again and he said definitely. ?

Lol I think I read it wrong ! I thought maybe he was worried he couldn't perform so said there was no spark? Clearly I'm also useless at dating

Perhaps you invested too much into this after your last relationship going the way it did.
But it’s happened to a lot of us on here, I rushed into sleeping with someone because I was just desperate to be with someone so that I didn’t have to think about the awful mess of my last relationship.
It never works.
Maybe spend some time working through things and what you really want in someone

My personal opinion and advice - NEVER sleep with a man on a first date / first time meeting. It will not last, they will think you are easy and wonder how many other first dates you have been on where you have jumped into bed? Not a good look. You live and learn though, brush yourself off and carry on. You really do learn from these experiences.

In the throws of kissing right before sex OP breathlessly asks “would you like to see me again”, and he replies “yes definitely”

Not an exchange that was likely ground in reason and thought.

Sorry, OP.

I went on a first date with an OLD yesterday. It's my first time on OLD and I'd been messaging the guy for about a week. Not really sexy stuff but he seemed nice. We met and he was incredibly sweet and he was attractive but I felt no spark. I was too chicken to say outright there was no spark and he is a nice guy and we have stuff in common so he's someone I'd happily meet for a beer or coffee etc. but I wasn't attracted to him. Somewhere in my head I decided it would be "nice" to give him a blowjob at the end of the night before letting him down. I have no idea where that logic came from. This morning I feel like an idiot.

Maybe your guy felt the same (idiotic) way that I did?

Or he would just say anything to get sex.

I'm sorry you were hurt and hope you find some nicer guys.

Oh and another point - sexting before he has even met you?! To me I would be wondering why he isn’t getting to know me, and who else he is sexting that he has never met.

Julianaa

Sorry I'm clearly naive about modern day dating but what the actual fuck ?

Where did you give him this blow job anyway?

@adviceneeded
How do you know what ALL men think? Have you done a survey of ALL men to come up with your opinion/advice.

Here’s my personal opinion/advice/actual experience. Sleep with who you want, when you want. Choose that person well.
Don’t play games. Don’t be desperate. Love yourself first.

I had a friend who used to have sex with men she didn't fancy, like a consolation prize. This is really poor for your self-esteem. You are allowed to say no, you know. If they are hurt, it's after one date, not a lifetime of promises. Julianaa I'll tell you what I told my friend- don't do that! Some women are so nice and obliging they are having sex with people they don't like. Stop it!

@Julianaa

A boiled sweet yes
Blowie noooooooooo

Maidenmother

I really need to know where it was ? Car park, loos, car

Why would you have sex with someone if there's no spark?

It's CF man thing. Be grateful he's gone.

(Whispers to Chris) probably on his dick. 😉

bigchris
I'd ring him and just say it doesn't matter about the sec, it was the first time etc , is he sure that's it and perhaps suggest a meal etc

Hahahahahahahahaha this is a joke, right?

Asking around my friends (all ages)we have never known a nice guy get sexual/sexting before meeting up. Those that do tend to be after just that. Feel free ladies to tell me your lovely husband was sexting you before you met up, it just doesn’t seem to be my experience, or my friends

You were very lucky. Inviting a man you've never met before back to your home is a risky move.

Given you had been sexting before even meeting him then you invited him back it was no surprise he thought sex was on the cards. I thought OLD was really just for hook ups not long term relationships.

I have no evidence but I’m pretty certain most guys who sleep with a women on the first date would not be interested in having a long term relationship with her. There would be no chase - you have put out straight away..