Dumped the day after sex

[l0ve]

I had my first date yesterday with a guy I met online after recently coming out of a long term relationship.

We'd been messaging constantly for the past two weeks, and the messages ended up fairly intense and sexual. We'd also spoken a few times on the phone. He told me he was looking for a long term relationship (not interested in a hook up), and that he really liked me.

Went for the date yesterday and I was really nervous, but the conversation flowed and it seemed to go ok. We left the restaurant and he asked what I wanted to do next, if I wanted to get another drink somewhere. I offered that he could come back to my place for a drink.

We sat on the sofa and we had a kiss. I asked him if he'd like to meet again and he said definitely. We kept kissing and we ended up having sex (I know - bad idea!!). The sex wasn't the best, I think he has some issues with a tight foreskin. In his messages to me he was boasting about how much pleasure he would give me, so maybe I really built it up in my head and was always going to be disappointed.

He left later in the evening and sent me a generic message when he got home, which did not mention the sex/what a great date it was. Alarm bells then started to ring!

I contacted him this morning and asked him outright if he wanted to continue this. He said there was no spark during our date. Why would you have sex with someone if there's no spark? And that he didn't want to continue things.

I feel so down and used. I know this is my own fault, but it's so humiliating. I've never had a one night stand before and now I feel like such a loser.

I'd ring him and just say it doesn't matter about the sec, it was the first time etc , is he sure that's it and perhaps suggest a meal etc

In fairness though, this is a wonderfully passive aggressive way of calling him out on his poor technique...I expect in his head he is quite the Casanova, the above might put him in his place a little

charley50 I think that worries me more than the bad sex.

Please OP, read up some advice about OLD/meeting up. You honestly have no idea who is on the other end of the Internet, and let's face it there are some very very nasty people out there. Inviting a stranger back to your home is putting you in a very vulnerable position. You are a bit lucky that all you ended up with was bad sex. It could have been a lot worse.

You've been done, it has happened to me so I know how gutting it is. He is a shit.

You're not a loser.
Loads of women have one night stands.
Think of it this way: the man is an utter tosser and not great in bed. Do you a) want a long term relationship with a sexually talentless shit or b) want to rid yourself of such a loser as soon as possible? If b) then you've got the best result already. Win-win.
Reply: Oh good. I felt the same. That really wasn't good sex was it! Then block him.
But next time, don;t have steamy conversations with men you've never met. Get to know them first. Anyone who shoves sex-talk at you before you've even met him is only after one thing and it's not your personality.

TheTroublesomestTribble

Yes that's what I meant and I'm sticking to it

i think this is just online dating tbh. dont worry about it. None of them mean what they say. Its fine for hookups but it sounds like he was a crap shag, crap company. Move on

TheTroublesomestTribble I hadn't thought of it that way, good thinking. You could really rub it in. (no pun intended)

Thank fuck I'm ancient.

Why on earth did you do that Julianna? and why give up on "spark" if the guy was otherwise "sweet, attractive and nice"??? Sometimes these things grow?

Why is it all about instant gratification? Like the blowjob, seriously?!

I don't think you were dumped; you were on one date and had sex. That's really common, as is not seeing each other again.

OneStepMoreFun - “anyone who shoves sex talk at you before you’ve even met him is only after one thing” . My point exactly x

Look on the bright side. If you shagging them on the first date and it's rubbish and then they dump you, you haven't wasted any time getting emotionally invested in something that wasn't going anywhere. It is quite possible for a man to string you along over several dates before dumping straight after sex, so hanging on doesn't ensure anything other than greater hurt.

Sounds like you were both happy until you had sex, at which point fireworks didn't exactly happen for either of you.

So I don't really see what the problem is. He hardly set your world on fire.

Don't want to hijack OP's thread. It was in his car. I don't know why I did it but orchiddingme has explained it really well.

"n his messages to me he was boasting about how much pleasure he would give me"

Class A cunt. You've had a lucky escape

This isn’t an OLD thing. I’ve been married for over 30 years so it’s a long time since I’ve had a first date but IME men generally didn’t get in touch again if I had sex on the first date. Luckily for me I learned this lesson quite quickly and didn’t have sex with them if I was really keen on them (it seems ridiculous really). DSis was much slower to realise it and had years of ONS and subsequent grief when it ended there. Luckily she eventually met a man who was an exception to the rule.

If he's a crap shag then good for you that it's over!

I'd say next time, meet up quicker and don't do sexual texts before the first date unless it's just a hookup

I think it's best to get to know people a bit first. I had plenty of one night stands and short relationships in the past, but if you want long term take it slow.

The sex wasn't great Op, so why would you care that he doesn't want to see you again?

" but I’m pretty certain most guys who sleep with a women on the first date would not be interested in having a long term relationship with her."

We had sex on our first date & have been married 23yrs.

If the sex was crap there wouldn't have been a 2nd date!

I slept with a guy on a first date. It wasn't even a date. We are together twenty years later. Because he is lovely and not a knobhead. Do not beat yourself up about the first date shagging...you should avoid it, not for any moral reasons, but because you feel a bit vulnerable. And now a knobhead who is crap in bed made you feel bad! I would be super tempted to text him and say 'yeah ok...but don't feel bad about the crap sex' and paste in a link to an NHS help page on tight foreskins. Because I am a child.

Julianaa

All joking aside hope you're ok

@Fizzysours the NHS tip made me laugh!

Fizzysours

Thanks bigchris. I hope I've learned a lesson.

OP, great advice and support from many posters here.

I like the idea of rubbing it in. And you aren't lying. That foreskin thing actually made me a bit urgh to be honest. He should get that checked out (if you want to give him some advice before you block).

*AdviceNeeded3282

I have no evidence but I’m pretty certain most guys who sleep with a women on the first date would not be interested in having a long term relationship with her. There would be no chase - you have put out straight away..*

As you say yourself you have no evidence.

I was pretty certain someone was feeding my cat. I convinced myself one of the neighbours was trying to lure her away. Turns out it was my husband giving her extra food. I was pretty certain though but like you I had no evidence. I was wrong.

It was the same man feeding the cat that I slept with when I first met him. Same man who didn’t think me easy, wonder how many others I’d been with (just the one in the previous 23 years btw) and was very, very interested in a relationship.