Dumped the day after sex

[l0ve]

I had my first date yesterday with a guy I met online after recently coming out of a long term relationship.

We'd been messaging constantly for the past two weeks, and the messages ended up fairly intense and sexual. We'd also spoken a few times on the phone. He told me he was looking for a long term relationship (not interested in a hook up), and that he really liked me.

Went for the date yesterday and I was really nervous, but the conversation flowed and it seemed to go ok. We left the restaurant and he asked what I wanted to do next, if I wanted to get another drink somewhere. I offered that he could come back to my place for a drink.

We sat on the sofa and we had a kiss. I asked him if he'd like to meet again and he said definitely. We kept kissing and we ended up having sex (I know - bad idea!!). The sex wasn't the best, I think he has some issues with a tight foreskin. In his messages to me he was boasting about how much pleasure he would give me, so maybe I really built it up in my head and was always going to be disappointed.

He left later in the evening and sent me a generic message when he got home, which did not mention the sex/what a great date it was. Alarm bells then started to ring!

I contacted him this morning and asked him outright if he wanted to continue this. He said there was no spark during our date. Why would you have sex with someone if there's no spark? And that he didn't want to continue things.

I feel so down and used. I know this is my own fault, but it's so humiliating. I've never had a one night stand before and now I feel like such a loser.

Don't do It- you'll regret it

how embarrassing

I was in a similar situation to you. Turns out the reason he stopped contact after he sex was because the sex with me was part of a a £10 bet with his mates....but I didn’t find out that bit of information until a few years later.... made me feel awful.

We ended up sharing a friendship circle a few years later and he realized that I was actually a somewhat nice person and we shared a lot of common interests. To say he bitterly regretted it is an understatement and he revealed his feelings to me when I started dating my (now)DH.

Gave me a bit of satisfaction telling him that I could never see him in a romantic light because of the bet from years ago. He is still single.

He sounds liike a dick so I would steer well clear if I was you. It is almost like a game to some guys.

But he doesn’t want to see you again.

You’ll make yourself look a complete melt.

Please don’t bother

Ok, I didn't. I've also deleted his number. I don't know why he's still on my mind. The sex wasn't good, he wasn't particularly attractive, he was overweight (after claiming he was 'athletic' on his profile) lied about wanting to see me again, was very flashy about his own life.

Ugh... is it because I was rejected? Can I not handle that, even though I didn't like him that much either in person. Plus, why did I sleep with him?

I was feeling down over Christmas and his constant messages over the 2 weeks were really fun and made me feel good. I guess that was just a fantasy... How do I stop my brain thinking about him?

Don't you dare. I thought he would have been blocked by now. Erase the thought as he won't bother replying you. Once bitten twice shy.

Sorry OP you sound very naive. If you want to have a serious relationship with someone don't chat about sex before you've even met and don't invite them back to yours on a first date. You can't possibly know if you're sexually attracted to someone over text before you've even met them.

I've had casual relationships and serious ones, but I only have sex if I'm comfortable that I may not see the person again, be it a casual or serious relationship.

You didn't enjoy the sex and neither did he, so why would you see each other again?

It's totally because he rejected you. Ride it out, it'll pass.

Fwiw I think he has decided no to a 2nd date because he bigged himself up then couldn't deliver. But in the scheme of things he's still a twat.
No judgement here but tbh my advice would be to expect this if you sleep with them on a 1st date.
If you want to have sex with someone that's fine. Women get to choose to have casual sex too. I have no problem with this decision. But I would say only do it if you would be happy never to see them again. Don't do it if you know you could potentially want more with someone. If I have sex with someone on the first date it's because I want to and I do it knowing that if they act like your bloke I won't care. It's not based on me believing anything they've said about seeing me again or how much they've liked meet etc. Basically I choose to based on how I feel not on what they have said they feel. That way if they turn out to be twats who were just feeding me crap to get me into bed it doesn't matter because I don't feel used or fooled and I can then easily chalk it up to hopefully a night of good sex and move on without a 2nd thought. I hope that makes sense.
I wouldn't waste anymore time or headspace on this guy. You had a nice evening with someone and it isn't going to go anywhere, no biggie there. Try and look at it as a trial, a tester date or an exorcism of your ex, the first step in moving forward.
I think that making the decision to stop dating for a bit might be a wise idea. You have to be quite sturdy to old. Most of the apps have their fair share of chancers, users and generic fuck boys but there are also a lot of potentially horrible nasty men too and these sniff out vulnerability a mile off. If you're still feeling shakey and not yourself after your heartbreak about your marriage dating (especially old) is not going to make you feel any better and could make you a target for these types.
Take some time for yourself. Be kind to yourself. Rather than waste any precious surplus energy and emotion dating use it to build yourself back up. To get over what you have been through and to carve out your new happy single life.
I've been single 18 months after a very bad relationship/break up and I've needed it. I've worked on my career, gone to therapy, built up friendships, had some cracking nights out and decorated my home.
I've recently started seeing someone but I know if it doesn't work out all those months spent having a relationship with myself will hold me in good stead. The healthier and happier you are the better type of person you will attract.xx

Ugh... is it because I was rejected? Can I not handle that, even though I didn't like him that much either in person.

Yes. It’s human nature to want what we think we can’t have.

You might feel bad now, but it could be worse...you could have fallen into a relationship with this guy simply because he was keen...

Be annoyed that you didn’t get the chance to say you weren’t interested before he did, dust yourself off, and move on.

Next time, just make sure you 100% want sex, even if it it ends up a one night stand.

OP please listen to what people are saying about taking a stranger to your home. I was like you, I thought bad things wouldn't happen to me. Two years ago I was raped by a guy I met online. We'd been talking, he'd come across as a complete gentleman. No sex talk. He turned up with flowers. I thought I'd hit the jackpot! Then he raped me. Everything he'd told me was a lie. To this day I don't know his real name. I reported it but sadly, like so many cases of rape, the case was dropped after 18 months due to "insufficient evidence". These things do happen. This same man may well still be on dating sites, winning women over with his charming ways.

ChristmasRaven I'm so sorry that happened to you. I really should have been more careful. I broke every rule of internet dating.

I'd ring him and just say it doesn't matter about the sec, it was the first time etc , is he sure that's it and perhaps suggest a meal etc

Man lies to get sex, shocker.

Honestly, OP, don't sext strangers; don't have sex on a first date unless you are prepared for it to become a ONS; don't ask a guy if he wants to see you again when sex is on the table (he's always going to say yes in case a no means sex is off the table); and don't phone someone who 'brushes you off'.

Oh and you weren't 'dumped'. It's impossible to be dumped after one date.