If you slept with someone else and completely regret it, would you tell your husband?

[threemine]

Just what the title says.

No. Not at all.

If you get offended by it then good. It's meant to. Cheats are scum one time or a million.

Someone who sleeps with someone else once is not a "slut" as you put it. That takes a bit more than that and is a misuse of the word, a bit like if I called you a "total imbecile" for this minor semantic issue

I think a slight bit of double standards on MN is fine. We're almost all women here and it's ok that we support each other slightly more. I bet on a predominantly male site they wouldn't be chastising each other for not always being equal and fair to women on every thread

No it isn't ok. Fucking someone else behind your DH back isn't ok.

Also we've generally got more to lose from a relationship going tits up, as we're likely to be left with responsibility for the dc and in a weaker financial position (on average)

Well don't shag other people. If you do and as a result your reslatiinship breaks down, look in the mirror to find out who is responsible.

a bit like if I called you a "total imbecile" for this minor semantic issue

You are absolutely allowed to call me what you like and think what you like, at least I'm not a deceitful cheat with no morals or self respect. I have already made my own assumptions of you given your stance on the matter as is my prerogative too :)

Enjoy!

I don't think there's a right answer to this as it depends on the couple. Personally I probably wouldn't. Even if he didn't leave me, I know emotionally the marriage would be over for him, so just to keep our life together I'd stay quiet and feel terrible. That's probably selfish, but I think that's how I'd approach it. I've never cheated and as far as I know nor has DH. I'd definitely leave him if he did and for that reason I sort of think I'd rather not know. Pathetic as that may be.

It's very hard, if you honestly feel the marriage is otherwise solid, and as long as you're sure it was a total one off that will never be repeated, I think it's probably an 'ignorance is bliss' situation.

No, I can't imagine I would.

If I regretted it completely and it wasn't going to happen again I don't see what good would come from it. It would cause hurt and it would really be to ease my conscience. It would very likely result in a divorce which would be awful for the children too. If I was stupid and shitty enough to cheat but regretted it straight away it would be my burden to carry around forever. That's my punishment.

I think people who cheat once and tell are doing it to ease their conscience only. If they cared enough about their partners 'deserving to know' they wouldn't have cheated in the first place.

Are you ready to end your marriage? If yes tell him.
It's up to him to stay with you.
Not telling him will be hard and painful but you deserve to feel that way.
I'm so sorry you are in this situation but not much anybody can do to fix it.
Awful dilemma.

I can't imagine how this could happen randomly. There must have been events leading up to the cheating. So, tell him. Be honest. Be prepared for him to leave. You made your choice, let him make yours. Sorry you're about to go through a difficult time. Good luck.

No. It's not fair to burden him with it if you regret it and have no intention of doing it again. It could wreck your marriage, if not now then later on because he'll never be able to forget it.

The amount of posters saying to keep tight lipped about cheating is absolutely astounding 😳🤔

Whether it was a one time thing that you regret, or something that's been going on for months that you've enjoyed - your other half has the right to know that they've been cheated on...

The truth always comes out. All of this 'I'd just live with the guilt and not ruin the relationship' is fucking mental.
So many snaky people on here 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

His choice*

I agree with previous poster who mentioned STI test too. Again, this should be something he should be able to choose.

@CoffeeAtCentralPerk

Agreed. It's a lie by omission and just compounds the wrong imo. This idea of protecting someone from knowing about your infidelity seems vaguely patronising towards them. They are adults, they don't need protection from the truth. The infidelity may ruin the relationship, yes, but that's the case whether you tell them or not. I think doing this only allows the adulterer to protect themselves.

DH also thinks your should tell him.

I've seen countless threads on my years of lurking this site where women have posted 'just found out DH cheated months ago' or 'hubby had an affair last year but since I found out he's said he regrets it' and almost every damn time, posters take to thread and ask the OP if the DH/DP came clean of their own accord regarding their infidelity or if the woman had to discover it for herself - because apparently (judging by the way this site usually works) hiding your affairs/ONS/drunken shags and not straight away owning up to it is a huuuuge mistake.

But evidently, basing it off of these replies, as long as you feel bad about fucking someone else, you don't have to tell your partners about it 🤔🤔🤔

My friend's DH randomly confessed to an affair that she knew nothing about. It absolutely destroyed her and she said she wished he'd never told her. It was me picking up the pieces and it was fucking horrible. I wished he'd never told her.

He thought she would wave a wand of magic forgiveness after his tearful confession and all would be well. It was the most horrendous, awful thing. He did it to try and make himself feel better. He didn't give a fuck about my friend. If he had he wouldn't have cheated in the first place.

So no, I don't think confessions are necessarily the right thing to do. Sometimes I think that living with the guilt and working hard to be a better person and partner might be better.

No, I wouldn’t. Not if I was sure he would never find out from someone else (because that would hurt him even more) & if I was sure I’d never do it again. I’d work on why I’d done it and being the best partner I could be from now on in.

My DH has told me in the pad that he’s not sure he’d want to know. But I would because it would kill me.

You need to get a STD check. If it’s a one off then deal with the guilt and shame. I would not want my husband to make me decide on whether or not to destroy the lives of our family even though he had made the error.

No, I wouldn't say anything.

I don't see anyone here saying that cheating is OK. The question is the most appropriate way to limit the ramifications.

If DW cheated on me and it was a genuine 'oops' that she regretted I wouldn't want to know. I simply wouldn't want the bother of it coming home in any way at all. I think I would find dealing with her guilt intolerable.

However, if I found out about it myself, I would have wanted to be told.

If I'd been unfaithful to be honest I don't know what I'd do. I suspect my conscience would make me blurt it out in the worst possible way.

genuine 'oops' that she regretted

Guess I struggle to see how sleeping with someone could be an accident... Or an "oops" as you put it. Not like you can accidentally trip and fall on a dick... There is a lot more to it where the person actually has a choice and decision in the matter. It's cheating plain and simple and it's never ok.

A one off that you'd never do again, get a full STD screen and live with the shame and grief yourself. Telling is to make yourself feel better. It would just hurt and possibly destroy your family.

Most of the affairs talked about on here aren't that. They've gone on for months, sometimes years with the sneaking around deliberately being deceptive and talk of leaving their spouse.

No but I do wonder why and how you could sleep with someone else. It's not an accident. It takes effort to cheat. Why do you regret it?

No. If you are happy in your marriage and it was a once-only thing, don't tell. Why would you risk everything, just to get that off your chest. Zip your lip and vow never to do it again.

Poor husband working away and you decided to get it on with someone else? Firstly, was this other man known to your DH? Secondly, was the shag a premeditated one?
Be honest and spill to your DH if you really regret your action, or else, you'd be tempted to shag again in the future. This is how infidelity builds up. He deserves to know in my opinion.