If you slept with someone else and completely regret it, would you tell your husband?

[threemine]

Just what the title says.

In your shoes OP then I would keep quiet and put it behind you unless there is a significant possibility that your indiscretion will come back to bite you on the bum

No, I wouldn’t tell him. What good would it do?

Many of the replies here surprise me. I think if a man was writing that he'd cheated on his wife and should he tell her, the answers would be mostly/unanimously "yes".

Ask him. Read your OP to him and ask what he thinks the poster should do.

The replies on here really surprise me aswell. On threads where someone has found out someone else is having an affair the answers seem to mainly be to tell the other person but on this thread most are saying not to tell?

NopeNi I agree , that’s MN double standards I guess.

Assuming this isn’t someone generating an article for the DM, if it is true I would rather know. It doesn’t ring true though for someone to be happy and do this , I think there’s more to it.

The one thing that is for certain is that if you tell him, your relationship will never be the same again.
Even if he forgive you, he'll never see you in the same light and things will always be different.
Maybe good different, maybe bad different. No-one knows you well enough on here to be able to call it. Only you can make the decision.

If you decide not to tell him at least make sure you don’t have sex until you’ve had a check up.

Genuinely, and without judgement, I’m honestly surprised by some of the responses on here.

Without honesty and trust, how can a relationship have a solid foundation? Genuinely, I’m not being shitty.

Personally I think if you don't tell him you'll always know yourself and if the guilt doesn't eat you alive then you'll gradually and subconsciously lose respect for him. Just seem to be the way things like this go.

No I wouldn't. DH and I have discussed this dilemma (even though neither of us have ever cheated) and agree that it's not fair to tell to offload the guilt or ask for forgiveness. Live with it and if they ever find out then they might understand that you didn't tell because you wanted to stay married.

No, i wouldn't tell and if it was a ONS i wouldn't see it as very important. I wouldn't want to know and if it was a ONS i wouldn't be devastated. I wouldn't do anything planned though and would end the relationship immediately if he secretly went to the cinema or something. I think emotional fidelity is much more important than sexual fidelity.

It was a genuine one off, and it will never ever happen again and you really really really do regret it, no. It wouldn't serve any purpose other than to break up your marriage.

If it is a symptom of an unhappy marriage, then you do need to tell him.

Is there any danger of anyone else telling your DH?

Get yourself checked out so you can't put him at risk.

Stability for the children is more important than 'honesty' to me.
It's only sex. Not worth ruining everyone's lives over.

I’d never do it in the first place.

Same. I'd leave if I wanted to do that but you say you're happy in your marriage so therefore not contemplating leaving so why do it? Regretting it doesn't suddenly make it ok.

I think you should tell him and whatever the fallout is will be what you deserve. If he has any sense he will boot you out and find someone who can respect him and themselves enough to stay faithful. You can regret it all you want you still did it and made the concious choice to do it. I think it makes you even worse not to come clean so your husband can decide the next steps.

Just to add to that if it was a man posting this the majority of the replies would be opposite of what they are.
It's funny how the rules about men and women cheating in any form always affects the replies. To me a cheat is a cheat regardless of gender or reason. No special encouragement or treatment because it was a one off by a woman who regrets it...

I disagree toomanypuppies
It might attract different postersbi suppose, but my advice stays the same for men or women

I think tell him, I'd only for the sexual health side of things. There's a lot of nasty infections that can be passed on. Assuming you and H still have sex of course.

No

Your husband deserves to know.

Yes.
Because he needs to get tested for STIs and because he should be the one to decide whether he lives with a cheat - not you.

In all seriousness if a guy posted on here that he had fucked up and wouldn't do it again and was ashamed and wanted to pour his efforts into making it work I'd also say to keep quiet.

So would I.

Yes. I think he will find out regardless as these things have a habit of coming out, so you may as well tell him. Someone will know/have seen or OM will blab. Or you'll talk in your sleep or whatever.

It's not like you 'tripped, slipped and fell on his d**k' as Eminem would say. I think he deserves to know.

hopefully he hasn't given you anything to pass on to your husband......