Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Went well last night with my date

@Backtothelist starting to wonder if you’re in my neck of the woods as well - I have had some really funny date experiences!

I must admit if it’s still chatting on the apps and haven’t met yet I don’t do the whole “good night” thing. I’m not sure why I do that though!

wotcher tell us more!

Re communication styles. If it’s just a little chat there’s no need for sign off, but if you’ve been deep in conversation for hours then - just as in real life - just stopping is rude. It’s insensitive to the other person, which is not a green flag for any sort of relationship

Hi - can I ask a question please

I have am on POF and over 50 dating (yes I am old) and also been on Match but they all just seem to have the same people regurgitated. I think I have written everyone off within a 12 mile radius !

I dont consider myself to be overly intelligent but I do want someone who can think for themselves and is not as thick as pigshit.
I looked at Guardian Soulmates but there are only about 10 men in my area and it didnt seem worth paying.

I was considering trying e-harmony but have seen really mixed reviews. Or do you have anymore suggestions - I dont mind paying but I dont want to pay to see the same faces over and over again.

Are there any sites that are not connected to each other ?

Thanks

@scotgal2017 I find that a bit rude to be honest. Common courtesy costs nothing. I'm not sure why he's doing that. Has he not hinted at meeting yet? I mentioned chatting to someone (I'll call him Mr Boring) and it was just going nowhere. No real conversation or talk of a date so I've given up now. We're still matched on Tinder. You've nothing to lose to just ask the question - saves wasting anymore time.
I currently have a really hot sexting man 'Mr Hot' although he lives miles away so won't be meeting him. I've had a guy message me again last night after I told him I didn't want to do 'naughty chat' and he's suggested meeting. Not sure about that one.
My date from a couple of weeks ago (my ONLY date) has suddenly messaged again this morning. Lovely guy but I'm not interested. Not sure how to word my response.

ceecee I don’t think the paying sites are worth the money. IME Tinder and Bumble have the most men on and it’s a numbers game after all. I’m old too and I like Tinder best - it’s straightforward. I’m off the apps for the moment but when I go back on I’m going to pay Tinder so I can see who has liked me, but you don’t have to

I've tried paying on bumble and tinder, a one off month on each but cancelled as it became clear that the people who have swiped me were coming up at the beginning of selection each time. And many were outside my preferred distance (eg quite local)
I'm happy I tried it but wouldn't bother again

@dogday
Thank you - I might try Tinder - I just had the frame of mind that it was just for hook ups

ceecee it has that reputation, and if you want hookups then I’m sure it’s great for that. But it’s not only for that, you just have to be clear in your profile about what you’re looking for and ignore messages from men who want to push you in other directions. NB if you mention ‘fun’ in your profile, that is taken as code for ‘sex’. IME 😳

Morning all well Mr Grey No2 has just left this was date 5 he stayed over we had an amazing night the funniest bit of which was when my daughter came back and he had to hide in my bedroom!!

So my only niggle is that this morning I gave him a very nice wake up present and he didn't reciprocate I find that rude 🤣🤣🤣

Maybe he's not a morning person but I am lol

So for those who were on earlier messages we kinda did the pee thing 🙈🙈🙈 I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would!!

For the first time I spoke about next time regarding food choices it felt odd as I never refer to future dates. He also kinda referred to himself as my boyfriend but not really. He said that my daughter will want her boyfriend to stay over now as her mum has her boyfriend stay over!! He knows I'm chatting to other guys I told him so I'm prob reading too much into this.

I also getting messages from Policeman No1 he swears he wants to date but he really wants sex. I dated him in May so it's been a long time.

McDreamy didn't message yesterday at all but then I noticed he sent me last message on Friday so I messaged him this morning - as I know some guys won't message if you don't respond to them first.

With regards to Tinder it's not just hookups I have used it I find it best not to pay you get better matched that way

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking yes I'm having those problems generally with Bumble also. But I never did previously so it's a bit strange.
@Focus2019 glad you tried it and enjoyed it, I'm laughing at the sequence in my head when your daughter came home!

You are right to avoid the second one. That sounds like way too much trouble. Why on earth is he still living with his wife??

I get it, but...
:( My XH can’t/won’t (delete as my daily patience allows) leave... money has been an issue as he was unemployed when we split, and til the divorce comes through I don’t have a legal leg to stand on to actually throw him out.

@Focus2019 Good for you!!!! Its true what they say - don't knock it until you've tried it!!

beyondshattered one of my irons lives with his ex and their child too. He has a plan but London house prices and the fact he’s not a bastard who’d throw her out means they still share a house. I think I get it. But perhaps if we were serious it would bother me more?

Mr Grey No2 still lives in marital home the house is up for sale she spends part of week at family. It's odd but happens that why I'm not sure how much legs it has

I lot of people do live with their ex, for me I wouldn’t get involved (due to past expereanced) and would rather date someone who is divorced and has their shit together. I dated before my divorce came through but looking back I probably should have waited. I wouldn’t want to be ina relationship with anyone still living with their ex but I do appreciate that it’s not always as simple as them moving out especially if the house is owned by both of them.

Hi all, just found this site and have to say you guys give some brilliant advice. What do you make of this....Met a guy on match. Dated for a few months got on great. Then he announced he still had feelings for ex and she did too once she found out he was seeing me. She was seeing someone he dumped her. Obviously that it it. I went back on match the next week but he keeps viewing my profile every other day...wtf??

I would think he is keeping his options open and checking to see if you've moved on. Probably a dose of ego. I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either.

Magsie sorry if that sounded mean. I didn't intend it to. I had a similar Experience. I got dumped by a guy and he rang up when he found I was seeing someone else, he was in tears one minute saying he loved me, whilst (he didn't think I could hear) coherently giving a taxi driver directions home.

People are weird.

Ah thanks for the reply. Weirdest thing is he never sends any message just views the profile. Tbh I don’t think i’m fully over him and I’m hoping it didn’t work out with the ex. Bit mean of me I know and I know I would never go back to him as I would never trust him. We had a lovely couple of months but he was always involved in her drama. I guess I know he wasn’t over her even though I asked him a few times and he always said he was. I ended it really nicely even though I felt he didn’t deserve it. No drama just have a nice life hope it all works out for you (that was hard) Guess I just have to move on and stop thinking about it ....

Some men are right pricks aren’t they😂

Yes they really are!

Mr Tall who ended things on Thursday because he wasn't over his ex has now put himself on Bumble and POF ( both sites I told him about as I'd been on them when we met )

As I put myself back on there on Friday I've seen his new profiles twice today...

What is wrong with them

I'm having a debate with myself about whether I should be dating or not. Currently not on any apps because I need a break. But also because I was finding it so hard to fit in dates around life and children.

My kids go to their dad's eow, but timings mean that only gives me one Saturday a fortnight for a date.
Otherwise I end up lying to my kids about why I'm going out. They're early teens so old enough to stay home alone but only until around 9pm. Not a big problem for a first date.

But there's only so many times I can out "with my friends" before they get fed up of being left. Plus I hate lying to them about why I'm going out.

I'm in my early 50s and it's already difficult enough to get a date.
So my dilemma is - do I just give up on dating for a couple of years until the kids are older (and I'm probably too old to date). Or do I just be very selective and only arrange dates when they're at their dad's?