Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

MyOldBrain I know the feeling. I only have EOW free but I at least have Friday and Saturday nights. Its still hard. The last date I had, my friend babysat for me but I had to lie to my kids too and I don't really like doing that either.
Would you not feel you could be honest with them? If they are early teens they might understand.
Otherwise, could you do midweek lunch/coffee dates?
I wouldn't wait to start dating, life is too short. And it does get harder as you get older.

crappyday my job means that daytime dates are out of the question.

Getting sitters is not a problem but my kids think they're old enough to be left alone. Which they are to some extent. It's lying to them about where I'm going that I don't like.

I've been doing OLD on and off for about 2 years but the last 6 months seem to have been a turning point for my children. They are mature enough to know about dating but not interested in it themselves....yet!

I don't want to say I'm going on dates because their dad is very sneaky about getting information out of them and using it against me. Last time he found out I was seeing someone he stopped paying maintenance because "I didn't need it any more". I had to threaten him with legal action to get him to pay up. He was just making a point - that he can make my life difficult if he wants.

@brain @crappy it's weird i was just thinking soemthing similar this evening, as in, is it okay to actually just tell them I'm going on a date?? Been separated 18 months from their Dad and they are quite aware we aren't getting back together. Theyv are 12 and 15 and so can be left for a reasonable time themselves, and like yourselves, when I was seeing Mr Italy I said I was meeting a friend for coffee/had a training class etc.... At the end of the day, is it wrong to say that you are going on dates??? Not that I intend to introduce them to anyone unless it was waaayyy down the line and serious but does it give a "bad mum" impression to tell them about my private life in that way???

MyOldBrain its such a shame that you have to worry about your ex. I've had similar problems with mine being difficult. To be honest though, you can't let him have this control. I would still consider telling the kids but you could ask them to not mention it to their dad. If they do, whats the worse he can do? if he stops the maintenance, you go to the cms.
Otherwise, all you can do is keep making excuses for where you are.
No way could I tell my kids cos they are 11 and 5 and the older one has made it clear he doesn't want me having a boyfriend!

God, the profiles on POF never fail to amaze. One guys headline is 'just being nosy tbh lol'. He's in his 40s too for god sakes.
I got a message from one which just said "hey there x", then 10 mins later "just saying hello trying get ure attension". Give. Me. Strength.

@crappy, I can beat that today, this afternoon a 36 year old man sent me a message sayin "OMG, you can poop in my bed".......WTAF??? I ognored him and then he sent a second message not 5 minutes after the firdt one asking if I was shy??? I was tempted to respons "No, not shy, I just don;t converse with idiots" but I took the high road and just blocked him instead. Isn't it days like these that we are glad we are single???

OMFG hahaha. You should have replied "I could take a sh*t in your mouth but I think someone got there first".

I had one who messaged 'How would you like to spend the next 30 years cooking and cleaning for me?". He then sent the exact same message to my friend. Then, about 2 weeks later sent me it again. I had to reply "It might have been funny if you hadn't already sent me that" and he replied "Is that a no then lol?". I actually did chuckle to myself at that.

My DD is 15 she know I go on dates but I tend to only go on dates when she's at her dads he works away so he has her every weekend. She's not met anyone yet.

Well in other news McDreamy has asked me to lunch 😍😍😍

My advice is not to wait to date just work round the kids if there teens tell them you're entitled to a life it's f all to do with your ex!!

OMFG hahaha. You should have replied "I could take a sh*t in your mouth but I think someone got there first".

Damn, wish i had sent that lol

Thanks for your replies. My ex-h can be very manipulative but you're right, I shouldn't let that stop me.

I guess it just comes down to me feeling guilty about leaving my children while I'm out having a good time. I don't think they'd like it if I said I was going on dates. And my track record is lots of first dates with almost none getting to a second date, so I don't want them to know I'm meeting lots of different men.

I will think about it a little longer. Especially when I hear about some of the idiots on OLD.

Sorry I haven't been contributing to the post guys, I'm still very much broken. After going through Xmas, knocking things on the head and spending new years alone with my daughter I've hit bottom. Feel sick, can't eat still, constant knot in stomach.... How can such a short thing knock it out of me so much?

pushrest I'm sorry to hear your having such a difficult time. It doesn't matter how short it was it was important and meant something to you. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself time.

I am fed up with the whole prospect of dating at the moment and have decided to not even entertain it now, no apps, nothing. I feel so much better for it! My dating experience has been an utter disappointment so it's just not worth all the negative feelings! Hope you feel better soon push

@Apparentlyacatch I'm starting to feel a bit disillusioned today too. I feel it taking over again and I don't like that. I finally got 2 matches on Tinder earlier and, yet again, no messages. I know I could message first but I actually can't be ar*ed. When I'm using the apps, it takes up way too much of my head space so I think after tonight I'm going to hide my profiles again for a while.

^OMFG hahaha. You should have replied "I could take a sh*t in your mouth but I think someone got there first".
@crappyday2018.. too funny. Someone should think about making these lines into a book!

Exactly crappy it just consumes you! I was spending most evenings just scrolling/swiping and barely liking anyone! So I just thought well if I can't see them then it won't consume my brain! And guess what I feel sooo much better!

I'll meet someone eventually but right now I'm enjoying my time doing what I want when i want and if someone comes in to my life naturally then fab if not then that's ok too 😊

myoldbrain I tell my teens I’m going on dates. My son doesn’t normally ask where I’m going but my older daughter does and likes to know where I am as she has anxiety.

She met one of my dates accidentally as she came home NYE and he was staying over.

@Apparentlyacatch exactly. I'm not even 100% I even want to meet someone. Sometimes I feel like I should 'want' to meet someone. I think my age has a lot to do with it to be honest. Obviously there are certain things I miss about a man.....

push I hope you start feeling better soon.
How these men have this hold over us,i'll never know. I would say get out there and meet others,but i'm off all apps too at the mo so probably not good advice. Be kind to yourself.

My lovely neighbour friend has joined pof tonight for the first time,he is two years younger. Asked me to look at his profile. All good until I saw the age restriction at the bottom of the profile(which he won't date over) and it stated his age . I didn't say anything but I just feel over the hill now i'm 47 which I know is silly but I struggled to get any messages last month on pof.

I had that second date with mr rugby(and good snogs) and then he just vanished.Then I had muscley guy who was all over me and on the second date said there was no spark three weeks ago. I'm done lol

Good news - after my 2 dates on Friday Mr Chatty (the one I liked) has messaged to ask me if I would like to go on second date. We're planning lunch on Wednesday so very happy about that.
Mr Sales (like him but no spark) has also suggested we meet up again - have never been in this position before but think I'm going to have to do the awkward thing of saying no. We've had 2 dates and it feels as though it's run its course.

crappy how old are you? I feel like that, I'm 29 and I feel society makes me feel like I should be getting married and having babies by now!

And while i'm on a rant,i posted ages ago that my last two recent long terms were from men who persued me. I didn't have to chase. Hoping for that again one day!

Well Mr wine on tinder nit been in contact, will give him a couple of more days and if nothing will unmatch. But it's happened again on POF again this evening. An iron was speaking to the other night vanished but wasn't bothered as he kept trying to talk about sex. He messaged again today and thought okay give him a chance (Will call him Mr Dee) so we were talking for a good hour and a half....he disappears mid conversation! !! I'm glad I'm going back to work tomorrow as I'll have to give that extra focus since I start in my promoted post and have lots to do, will keep me away from these wankers!!

nan mr chatty sounds great. You like him and you know where you stand with him. Good luck for wed :)