Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@dieu I’d also steer clear of him. Anyone that alludes to things like that early on would be out of there for me - I’d worry about their intentions at worst, or at best they’d be delusional about the realities of how the relationship was going to develop!

I'm gutted feeling rubbish loaded with cold think I may need to cancel date 🤧🤧🤧

Dieu if something doesn’t feel right then don’t reply. I often add people on WhatsApp pretty early on, I have had to block a few but have never had any issues giving my number. His message sounds a bit odd though, either ignore or say “no, I would rather chat on here for a bit before giving my number out to a random stranger”.

I have a few messages on POF but not sure if any are worth replying too, one is from a man who is 7 years younger than me (I prefer to date older but have dated younger), most of the messages I get are from people that live too far away.

Not sure what’s going on with Tinder, I used to get loads of matches but now I’m not getting any at all.

So you know how I was waiting a bit? Well I messaged a new user on pof who popped up, local and appealed in a lot of her profile info, and she replied already. Good start, considering I wasn't even starting yet

XH kindly offered to collect my belongings from ex, so should have them by the end of the day. At which point I can block and delete all traces of the fruitloop.

@Dieu I wouldn't worry too
Much myself about that message. The WhatsApp thing may be him just pre empting the fact that lots of us aren't keen to going to WhatsApp as we get the dick pics then etc
Re the baby and pet sitting I've had that kind of message many times, I just don't think they realise what they're saying and how it comes across. I've pointed out many times that my DD would not be introduced to somebody I didn't know well or hadn't met myself and then they get it. Even if they have kids themselves.
I was talking to a new iron last night who suggested I take DD on a date with me if I have problems with baby sitters etc!

@Dieu I would be a bit worried about the babysitting comment. Not necessarily because he's got an unhealthy interest in kids. My last bf (who I met on Tinder) did the whole 'lovebombing' thing. He used to say things like "I just want to help you with the kids" and similar things. In his eyes, he probably thought I was a struggling single mum who was desperate for help. I'm not of course.
Turned out in the end he was a total loser and was way more in need of me than I was of him.
Its still a bit of a red flag so either ditch or tread carefully. Watch out for lovebombing.

@NanBoleyn I also have 2 first dates lined up today. One at noon and one at 3pm!

The one at noon ( Mr W )sounds nice and down to earth but is friends with somebody I know a little and lives very lically.

The one at 3pm ( Mr Bank ) has 2 DD's similar in age to mine but has them on opposite weekends to me so it could be difficult

Also have a first date tomorrow afternoon ( Mr Band ) who is 12mths single after a 30 yr marriage. I'll be his first ever first date from OLD so I don't have high hopes

Hope we all have an interesting time this weekend

@IndieTara I need to know your secret. I can't even get past the chat stage. I've had 1 date since I went back on 4 weeks ago.

@crappyday2018 it doesn't usually work this way for me either!
I put myself back on the sites a day ago and am completely free this weekend.
Maybe it's just New Year timing!

@crappyday2018 plus I've just been back on and couldn't see the messages between Mr Band, tomorrows date. We arranged to meet at 2pm tomorrow and where and he's now blocked me!!

@IndieTara ah the cowards way out. I've had that happen loads of times. I assume these are blokes who never intended to meet in the first place and when it gets close to meeting, they block. He could also be married. Its SO annoying though. Total time wasters.

We only arranged it last night and 1 hr ago on POF he favourited me and said yes to Meet Me. Go figure!

Unfortunately I still fail to comprehend some of the behaviours on those sites. It does sound like he's probably got cold feet and didn't really want to meet. If he's genuinely not long out of a long marriage, and not had any dates yet - sounds like he's not actually ready yet!
Next!

Yes exactly. I've just confirmed date number one who I'm meeting in half an hour so hopefully he will turn up!

@IndieTara unfortunately this is the way it goes it's so annoying though!!

I've decided to go ahead with my date just going for a hot bath to try and sweat this cold out of me!! If I get a chance to update tonight I will!!

Good luck everybody with their dates

I got a message on POF this morning. I though he looked ok so decided to reply. By lunchtime he had deleted his account. That is clearly the affect I have on these men

@IndieTara good luck with your date today.
@Focus2019 good luck for yours tonight, hope you feel ok

Beyond it's good to hear you sounding more cheerful and lovely that you are still friends with your XH so that he helps you when you need it. Good luck with your iron.

crappy you can't necessarily make that assumption - recently POF randomly deleted my account while I was online, terminating about 4 conversations (which admittedly were going nowhere). This may have happened to the guy you messaged.

@DogDayMorning oh I think you said that on an earlier post. Oh well, I will assume that's what happened then .

I recently messaged a guy I was chatting to last year. We never got round to meeting and I started seeing someone else and ghosted him (yes, I know I feel bad now). Although we never had plans to meet so I didn't feel that bad. He's still single so I've suggested a drink sometime. Hey, nowt to lose!

Well first of today's dates has just finished. So not my type, he couldn't look me in the eye. For 90 mins he looked around the room whilst speaking to me !

@IndieTara oh that is a shame. Did he seem totally different to his pics/profile? The not looking in the eye could have been nerves but its not a great sign. Hey, at least you got a date and you are out there doing it. Good on you. On to the next.....

Thank you dog, yeah it's kinda weird how much more normal I feel mentally, despite now being in severe pain (I think my uti may have spread to a kidney... 😬)

XH is largely a good guy, just a crap husband plus I don't drive so the only other possibility would be him taking me (too far for a taxi), which would mean having to take the DCs for a drive too. Which I wouldn't want to chance as based on this week I wouldn't be massively surprised if she kicked off.

Great idea crappy - good luck!

beyond it sounds like you dodged a bullet! Onward and upward