Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Oh I just saw the bit about pee! @Focus2019

Erm.... I guess as long as you've got a hot shower lined up for after then you can always give it a go 🤷🏼‍♀️
How do you feel about it?

@wishywashy6 the interesting thing about him is he's not into sexy chat or pics like lots of guys are I think we just genuinely connected and feel comfortable enough to explore our sexual wants with each other. He want me to pee on his fingers while I'm on the toilet so nothing too crazy - although he has just said he'd like me to stand on his back with heels on I've always thought I'm a secret Dominatrix

Wow this thread is certainly very educational . It's actually really helpful reading everyone's experiences and I keep flicking back to the rules!!
Well, I've had my first OLD dumping! We hadn't even met but had what I thought great chats with Mr Teacher but he messaged to say he was taking a break as he didn't feel in the right place. I said I really appreciated him letting me know and wished him luck but did feel a bit gutted!
On the plus side am seeing Mr Sales for dinner tomorrow (2nd date) and slotting in a drink with Mr Chatty beforehand! Also continuing to chat with Mr Island, he is visiting the 'mainland' in a couple of weeks so made plans to meet up. Trying not to get my hopes up too much!
Will update on how it goes tomorrow!

I’ve been chatting this evening with Mr Dog and Mr Rail. Both really funny, totally on my wavelength with humour. I’m really looking forward to meeting them both this weekend. I’ve been on a fair amount of first dates and it’s rare that I look forward to them this much... then two come along at once

@Focus2019 I think if you feel that comfortable with someone then exploring and playing around can be fun. You can always laugh about it after if it's not for you!
Good luck!!

Wotcher surely with 4 dates between us tomorrow at least one has to go well

@Nanboleyn There would’ve been four but I postponed one! So one tomorrow, one Saturday and one Monday (although he’s too keen - giving me the ick factor slightly)

Really hope that yours go well! :)

Thanks @wishywashy6

@WotcherHarry loving your style a girl after my own heart lol

I'm so glad I found this post none of my friends are single or if they are they are not dating so other than amuse them with my stories I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and I definitely need to hear some sensible feedback now and again.

@Ozil10 did you hear from your guy??

It took me ages to learn that not messaging them was best I always used to over message now I don't

Focus I haven't no, but its tricky with him being a friend of the girl I work with, it just seems to make it more awkward. Anyway we are friends on Facebook and I had another look at his profile, and he's definitely not as attractive as I had in my head. I have a feeling he'll either message tomorrow morning or failing that in a few days time.

I'm not that bothered now after looking at the Facebook profile, just realising how vanity obsessed I'm becoming!

Well Mr Tall and I are over. He didn't contact me tonight as he said he would so I put down everything I thought in a long message and sent it. Then got this back

And this

Oh no @IndieTara sorry to hear this. Whenever I feel the need to send a long message it usually means it's not going anywhere. It's either true or it's not either way better off knowing now. It just a pain as you've invested time and energy. Next!!

So my new years resolution was to date more. After 2018 and my fake DP where I did not get out there. So this the year I am taking control of my love life.

Currently have a date planned with Mr Coffee. However I have to suggest everything so feeling it is a non starter plus not my usual type.

No others planned at the moment. Dating as you get older is a mind field.

Ah sorry indietara at least you know now.

Why do people do it? By it, I mean message you first for days or weeks, ask you out and then just disappear and come back after the date was supposed to have taken place?

Is it a control thing? Ego? This is my first foray into dating in four years and such a minefield over how you should act!

@IndieTara that sucks, I suppose at least he came to the realisation now rather than later, not much consolation

Those with dates today/next few days, wish you luck!

Ive heard of men having fantasies about women peeing on them at the end of DTD, but peeing on his hand when you are on the toilet is a new one on me entirely......

Just back from 2nd date with Mr Z. nice meal and then we ended up at cinema. He is sweet, he took my hand during the film, was cudding me and kissing my hand..... we have had some good snogging and I am warming to him, still not 100% attracted physically but I'm not repulsed. He seems to be very respectful, kind, chilled and willing to go at a slow pace which sounds ideal for me. He also is keen not to have a heavy relationship, just wants someone to have fun with and relax with - again, sounds ideal for me.

One thing I would like opinion on is Mr Agent, not sure if he is showing a red flag (already on the alert as in his first conversation he told me he has a son but he's not allowed to see him at the moment. I didn't ask why and I know this is somethjing to watch but as has been pointed out here and elsewhere on MN, his ex could just be being obstructive etc). Anyway, he is the one who missed out on coffee with me yesterday, he messaged this evening and I said i was about to go out for a meal (didn't say with who). he said is it a nice date, and I said i hope so, I'm starving. His reply was "I will stop messaging, hope it works out". The way it came across was that he would stop messaging altogether. Thought nothing of it as was on a date, checked phone when i got home and he had messaged, 4 hours later asking how the date had gone??? I've just had a wee chat with him explaining it was okay, he said that will be us not meeting for coffee then, I said I'm not exclusive with anyone and I'm doing this modern dating malarkey. He asked what I meant, I said I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, I'm having fun coffee/dating more than one person. Is his overinterest in who else I'm seeing a red flag? Is it a prelude to controlling/jealous behaviour?

I don't think it's necessary a prelude into controlling behaviour. I reckon maybe he likes you more than he realised.

Thanks @Notcoolmum @scotgal2017 and @Focus2019 . Yes at least I now know and I now have a child free weekend with nothing planned!

Focus

Well that makes a change from vanilla.

So this is my first real day on this thread. And I'm a fraud because no way can I join you yet. But you are all doing so well. The dating world is hard work. I'd forgotten.

@OhioOhioOhio

Of course you can!!! We were all on day one at some point god I was a wreck when I first started had zero clue been in 2 long term relationships 5 years and 20 years!! I organised loads of dates then cancelled as I was to scared. My first date I drank a bottle of wine and ended up DTD he was so bad but I felt I just wanted to get it out the way.

I've learned through my many dates but I'm still clueless or else I'd not be here

Focus

Do you live in a major city? I live in a quire big place. 10 years ago before I met stbxh I felt like I had used everyone up. I have a lot of weight to lose, a court case to get through and a stbxh to get rid of. And I'm terrified. I dont know what having a boyfriend can look like when you have 3 tiny children and a full time job.

@gettingstherehopefully I think you should go for it. You've mutual friends so you known he's not a weirdo right? Organise another date :-)

@OhioOhioOhio i also had weight to lose and a court case to get through with a 4 year old and working full time. It can be done. It just isn't easy.
But if you're feeling bad about yourself for whatever reason OLD may not be the boost you need. But equally it might be!
Unless you dip your toe in you won't know

Thanks Indie.
So do you all find that when you date aftee having had children that you are more relaxed about what you want? Or that what you are after is different? My stbxh is a born liar. I dont believe anything he ever said to me. After how lonely, for years, ive been I cant help but think there just couldn't be anyone as badly behaved as him out there.