Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I must be old. I dont know that I've ever seen anyone under the influence of coke.

I have too @Focus2019 and it doesn't get any easier as they get older!

@wishywashy6 you may be right I don't know.

But we have already had sex twice ( without coke ) it just wasn't anything special

So I’m not convinced that Mr Gent and I will see each other again - he disclosed a fairly specific kink, which I was open to until he went into more detail. Nothing dodgy but I’m just not sure.

I might have two dates lined up for tomorrow - the first, Mr Bike, is a bit over keen and it makes me feel a bit wary, having met guys like that before and then they are either a bit too full on for me to want to carry on, or they go cold. He wanted to go for dinner so I’ve suggested that we just get coffee/a drink and then can meet up again for dinner if we get on. I am tempted to cancel it but the other part of me thinks that he might just be a bit out of practice.

The second that evening is Mr Dog, who works in a similar field to me. Keen, but appropriately so, and easy to chat to.

Then on Saturday evening is Mr Rail. He’s really witty - we seem to have a similar sense of humour - and I’m looking forward to meeting him and also Mr Dog...

Good to read everyone’s updates!

Well been a productive day, i think I've got my head round this dating-more-than-one-at-a-time malarkey.

Yesterday, Mr Agent didn't message me back in time to meet for coffee in the place I said i would be at. He said he had read my message too late (I know for a fact he had read it early on and not replied for 2 hours after reading as i paid to upgrade POF and it tells me when it's been read lol)....woul probably make the same excuse myself but communication ahs dwindled but not overly fussed about it.

Had coffee date with Mr Quad this morning, Nice guiy, we have a lot in common but no spark there in terms of attraction. He messaged to ask if he was getting a second date, I replied with an honest no spark from me but if you want coffee and chat as a friend anytime, drop me a line. He somehow read that as we will develop a spark later on [hmmm].....

Just about to head out for 2nd date with Mr Z, meal and maybe cinema. Not overly attracted to him physically but he's easy going and okay to chat to. YUou've got to give it a chance and be out of your comfort zone don't you, so that's what I'm doing!!!

Don;t know whether to start up Tinder again or just keep myself to POF, although seeing the same faces day after day gets a bit boring....

scotgal That's what put me off, seeing the same faces online. It's like a depressing reminder of last chance saloon. I remember all these feelings so well. Did anyone watch First Dates over the holidays with the couple's who had found love. It just looked so easy. After years of crap from my stbxh I dont think i have tolerance for anything less than loveliness.

Just trying to catch up (thread moves so fast).

Indie I try and steal clear of anyone that mentions taking drugs and anyone that wants sex like they have had with a previous partner are hit weird, I think I would be ditching this one. My Hippie smoked weed, to begin with he told me it was occasionally but then it seemed he smoked it every night to get too sleep, when we were out together his dealer called him as he wanted to know how much he wanted to buy this week . I don’t care if people want to take drugs but I don’t want to be with someone who does it on a daily bases (or weekly). If someone implied they needed coke to perform I would be gone in a shot.

@Lovemusic33 he has already performed without coke it just wasn't mind blowing. I think he thinks he can do a better job with it based on a past relationship.

Coke might make him think he’s doing a better job because it makes you feel amazing about yourself 🤣, chances are you won’t find it any better.

Oh yes I agree completely. But as he's now completely gone back on that idea anyway I won't have chance to find out

I'm 42. How old are these coke men? Omg is coke a new red flag? I'm so out of the loop.

@OhioOhioOhio I'm 52 and he is 53

Omg. I dont know whether that makes me feel better or worse?!! I so thought all this was behind me.

So Indie how broken were you when you got yourself back on the dating scene?

I wasn't broken at all I don't think @OhioOhioOhio
I'd ended my last relationship 16 months previously and felt ready to try again.
That was 12 months ago and I'm still trying... but I've also taken 2 breaks of 2 months each time during that 12 months

If you dont mind me to ask did you have a failed marriage? My kids are really little but i would so love to be in a relationship. Or just someone to hang out with for a bit. Oh i don't know. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the thought of it all.

@OhioOhioOhio yes i did have a failed marriage, we split when DD was 3 in 2012. But it was a huge relief for me when we split.

I met the ex I mentioned just over 2 yrs later in 2014 via POF and ended it in 2016.

I do find it exhausting and too much sometimes hence taking the breaks. During the times ive been OLD ive been catfishes more than once , stood up 4 times and ghosted loads. Ive grown a thick skin too from all the horrible messages etc I've received. Ive also had some really nice dates that just haven't worked out.
It can make you very cynical but it's purely a numbers game. You need to not let it take over your life and make sure you keep up current friendships etc to help stay grounded.
You obviously have kids so like me have restrictions on time etc. That's no bad thing tbh

Most coke heads I have met are age 50+, my step dad (65) still takes it occasionally. If someone told me they take it I would run a mile, in my line of work I get to see what drugs does to people, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone involved in any type of drugs.

Just had a trawl through POF. I don’t understand profiles that read things like “I travel around a lot for my job, rarely stay in one place for long, when I am home I spend time with my kids...etc...etc...”, do these people think a woman will just slit into their busy life? When do they have tie to date if they work away all the time?

@Lovemusic33 he isn't a coke head and hasn't taken any for 2 yrs as he's had no sex for that long. I don't know how or why it ended up with him taking coke to have sex in his previous relationship. Obviously it's not a great thing but he isn't a coke head, gave up smoking 6 months ago and hardly drinks.
He is intelligent and can hold a good conversation.
Something is obviously wrong but I don't know what

Re your other question I've had messages from guys with that on their profile and asked the question. The answer is always 'for the right woman I'll make time'

I generally think they just feel it's make them look like better fathers

What's being catfished?

I think the hardest part is that I really thought I had done all of this before. I guess i should stop feeling sorry for mysel. It's really frustrating.

Omg I think i was catfished by my stbxh

Lol have you googled it?

Haha told you I'd be on here soon with an issue lol

So Mr Grey No 2 has just messaged me and I said how much I was looking forward to seeing him and the fun we would have he then messaged me about something he'd like to do sexually 🙈🙈🙈 I'm not sure how explicit you guys are on here so won't share lol

Until I was single I was very vanilla until I met Mr Grey No 1 and my eyes were opened

I'm all up for trying new things but not sure about this lol

Any other non vanilla care to share!!

Haha @focus2019 this happened to me too! I think I’m pretty open minded but the rabbit hole is a bit too deep for me to venture down with Mr Gent