Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I so wish I had found this thread last year lol. Hi everyone I’ve been dating since last March and I’m getting totally fed up. I have no trouble in getting dates I’ve been on loads but nothing seems to stick. I know this is because of the following:-
My weight - I’m not skinny
I’m too forward
I sleep with them too soon
I come on too strong

So last month I decided to just stop caring and to just go with the flow - this has been a game changer for me. I was always so caught up in not dating multiple guys but now I am. I have actually deleted my on-line profiles was on Tinder & Bumble as decided January was a no swiping month. Currently I have the following guys on the go (please no judging)

Mr Grey 2 - likes it a bit naughty only seen him a few times he says he’s mesmerised by me but he’s still in middle of divorce so not sure about how this will go.

McDreamy - he is my Derek if you watch greys you’ll know. He’s local, hot, good job etc and is more than a match for me only met him twice we spent NYE together was amazing he’s the first guy I can see as a long term partner so I’m so hoping I can keep calm and let things develop

Mr Sad had a great datevwith this guy been messaging but he’s hung up on his ex and is quite down I feel we are more like friends

Mr bald - he’s a new guy I’ve not met yet he seems keen but he’s not dated much which puts me off as they are not likely to settle for someone early on - on paper he looks good though.

Anyhoo just wanted to introduce myself look forward to getting to know you all.

Ps I’d be interested in people’s number of dates I think I’ve been on loads but not sure haha

dragonfly wow that is a bit soon for that!!! I like to think I’m open minded but the sex has to be about ‘us’.

So far OLD sex has not been mind blowing but at least I’m back in the saddle 😂

This really made me giggle. I’m all for doing what you want sexually butbseems a bit soon haha

Hi @Focus2019 and welcome to the thread.
I've been on a fair few dates too, most of which have either been horrendous or just gone nowhere. I honestly think the chances of meeting the next 'the one' via OLD are pretty miniscule.
However it keeps my friends in fits of laughter when I régale them with my latest dating disaster!

Hi focus. I’ve been dating about 6 months. I’ve met up with 6. 1 was awful. 2 were nice but no spark. One I’ve been seeing for 3 months but no chat about exclusivity. One I had 3 dates with then he ghosted me but I was relieved. One I’ve had 2 dates with and looking forward to date 3.

@Eesha He made a jokey opener about a particular singer I said I didn;t like in my bio (its kind of a jokey thing). I responded once and then he said 'oh I quite like him' and my reply 'well someone has to I suppose . Poof, gone..... He clearly didn't like my sense of humour.
Then I match with someone this morning who, by the way, states in his bio he's not after hook ups. He mentioned the size of his d*ck within minutes.
KILL ME NOW.

@crappyday2018 your sense of humour sounds a bit like mine! I think you are just unlucky in that you have met a few bozos. I wouldn't blame yourself, and you can honestly only be yourself! My friend gets loads of matches, very sexy looking girl and lot of banter, but she only attracts men who want sex. It really is a numbers game.

Focus

You sound like me. Just over 10 years ago my life was all about old. 3 children and one failed abusive marriage on i can't believe I'm going to have to put myself back out there again.

Im torn between feeling grateful for a second chance and not even bothering because i can't be arsed with the hassle and disappointment. I also have no clue how you fit this into life with all my single mum responsibilities.

So if you have one guy you imagine long term are you just waiting to see how he plays it? You sound impressively calm about it all.

Fuck I feel mentally rough today, not helped by being ill too.

How can it be that despite the implosion and gaslighting fuckwittery, all I feel the urge to do right now is message her and ask her if she is okay. How the hell do you switch off caring about someone? :(

My iron is going very well, I've unmatched the others and we are seeing each other. Early days but it feels quite healthy, low pressure but he's keen in a nice way, very respectful.

Beyond it is the hardest thing in the world, to stop caring just because they have stopped/never started. All you can do is fake not caring, by not showing it: no messages. Sorry you're feeling ill .

As an experiment in taking my own advice, I am not switching on my phone today at all. I feel like I have lost a limb, which is proof that it's a good idea! I'm at home and all my family can get hold of me on the landline if necessary, and I'm on the PC for MN. Just need a break to springclean the headspace that OLD occupies.

Dogday turning off the phone is a good idea. I found last night every difficult and after an argument, I switched my phone to airplane mode - I needed the alarm. I woke up a little while later and switched it to do not disturb incase anyone did need me. I had a little 'sorry for being an arse' message, I ignored until mid-morning. In that time, he had gone back and opened the last of the facebook messengers argument and thumbs up one of them. I like to think that it is because I ignored his sorry. Who knows.

indietara you sound very switched on. And yes my story is hilarious, it's kept many of my friends amused and one of my best OLD stories of 2018!
Good luck x

minnie how long were you dating and he sounds a little passive aggressive?

focus2019 welcome and I'm loving your style with the multiple irons. The long term potential one sounds great and as you say, keep your cool! Number of dates! Well, I actually did work this out today and last year I went on 15 first dates, maybe 17 as I couldn't recall all the names. One of those progressed to a 3 month relationship, of the rest I think 2 got to a second or third date and the rest fizzled after date one. Most of them were lovely people just not for me or visa versa. I've deleted all the apps now for a break and just chatting to one iron who I know in real life and going to leave it at that for now. Got a lot on personally so this feels the right thing to do.

indietara, ditto my dating tales are of legend!

crappyday people often don't get my sense of humour!

dogday have you considered getting a cheap second phone for dating? I have ended up with one accidentally as I have a personal phone and a work one. So I keep dating to personal phone and works really well for me, often leave it at home all day when I go out. Helps with overinvesting.

cool a year.

I couldn't work out if it was passive agressive or he was just agreeing with my statement but it is funny not to do it straightaway! I am not sure what a thumbs up even means - yes, okay, cool, good?

cool that's a good idea. Currently I'm off the apps and dealing with two lingering OLD irons/FWBs. If I decide to wipe the slate clean and go for a proper relationship (lol) I'll get a subsidiary phone at that point.

Agree with others about the fascination coupled up friends have with my OLD escapades. It gets a bit creepy sometimes to be honest. Then again I can't quite believe myself the things I've seen, heard and done. No electronic stimulation or mouth tape yet, but my Xmas presents were interesting to say the least.

I've reactivated my POF profile, but not installed the app. I'm not ready yet, but I know anything that appears is not gonna be immediate anyway

@DogDayMorning I get you! I had to ask if my Xmas gift wS something I could open in front of DD!

It was bad enough that I opened my Xmas card in front of DD then couldn't make out the signature as the message could equally have been from either of them - but she's an adult and she got the drift

Mines only 10

I've decided to play along with the pervy match. He actually seems quite fun and is really fit. That's not really what I'm looking for but its a nice distraction for the moment.

And surprisingly I've just received a text with a complete turnabout from the guy I've been dating who wanted to try and replicate his past sex life! I'm going to call him Mr Tall. His message reads
'
But I’ll talk to you about it later .. but as it stands .. we won’t be going ahead with that crazy idea and notion , it’s shear madness and illegal... I had no right to ask you to consider it and I’m truly sorry for suggesting it.
Even if it was the norm, I’d only be lying there thinking it isn’t the same ... those days were with someone different and special to that chapter.. it’s unfair of me to think it will be the same... it won’t be and I shouldn’t have to take illegal drugs to boost my labido ... it’s a pathetic idea and I’m annoyed with myself '

I have no idea what to say...

Was wondering what the illegality was tara but I assume that was it being drug fuelled. Sounds quite a mature reflection.

@IndieTara that sounds really weird to be honest. I'm not even sure what to make of that message. He's insinuating that you could never be as good as his ex anyway so no point in trying. I think it would put me off to be honest.

After questioning further it was apparently to be coke fuelled ( not by me )
So yes I'm glad he's not doing that but we now have the problem of low/ no Sex drive which doesn't really bode well