Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Movemberblues have you checked your junk mail for the email?

MyOldBrain thank you, that is what I wanted to hear - I didn't want the profile anyway, was just playing. Though was pleasantly surprised at how nice the men seemed to be on there.

Beyond - my goodness, that sounds horrible. I won't ask you what happened to make it all implode, just hope you're ok.

crappyday - it shouldn't be that hard. Move on

Crossposted. crappyday yes I've checked, it's gone, which is fine. Brings home though that getting a number off someone you actually like early on is a good move if the app randomly deletes you like that. Except of course that once they get your number you're opening yourself up to unsolicited wotsits on WhatsApp

@Movemberblues yes you're right. I suspect maybe he just doesn't have anyone 'better' to chat to at the moment. Typical luck for me as I rarely match with anyone.

How the hell do you stay motivated in this. Seriously?

I've had every cliche in the last week. Dick pics. Abuse when I said no thanks. Ghosting after what seemed a fantastic date. Propositioned for sex on message two.

How do you not just say "fuck this" it's so utterly depressing.

Daniel I’m finding it hard to stay motivated, I have been doing it for far too long which kind of proves that I’m unlikely to find anyone. Today I un hid my profile on POF, so then come the messages from people that have not read my profile, I very over weight guy that likes gaming (I am active and hate gaming), a guy who has no profile and messages saying ‘I’m looking for nothing serious” (probably married and cheating) and a message from someone who lives 100 miles away. All I get is messages from people who I have nothing in common with, people who smoke, get pissed most nights or spend their lives glued to a Xbox or tv.

I think finding someone in real life is the way to go.

@Lovemusic33 I know what you mean. I feel like that with OLD. I came off it for a good few months and within hours of going back on, I was feeling depressed about it.
Even though I know how it all works now, I still struggle to understand the motivations of some of the men. So many are clearly not serious about dating which makes it all the more depressing for us who are genuinely looking for someone.

Crappy and love

I'd did OLD about ten years ago when match was a relatively new thing. And people took the piss out of people meeting online. I met a couple of men who were clearly not for me, but there was none of the shitty behaviour I'm seeing now.

The date I had Saturday was (so I thought) great. He did all the running. We laughed. It lasted hours til I had to get the train. There was kissing. Hand holding. All instigated by him. The only thing I can think is he wanted a shag and that was it. Which I would have been fine with on a casual basis but I didn't want to just be a one night stand. Texts came that night. He was complementary. Then he disappeared.

I'm going to keep going on the off chance that there is someone on there that might be normal. And doesn't hate women.

All I see is shitty behaviour.
I have heard nothing from Mr Hippie, I k ow I have had a lucky escape but it has kind of pissed me off due to how in to me he made out he was and the fact we DTD before he left mine on Sunday, last nigjt he was back on POF and I accidently clicked o his profile, I going to work out how to block him today in hope I never hear from him again. Another iron keeps sending me dirty memes, I think I managed to get rid of him by taking the piss out of what music he likes and what he does in his spare time. What pissed me off the most is how these men always have a sob story, they were cheated on by their ex or their ex was abusive towards them, after talking to them or meeting them I can see that it's more likely to have been the other way around. A man that slags his ex off rings alarm bells for me straight away. All I can see is ads holes on POF, alcoholics, druggies, abusive twats and big headed cheats . I have been doing it for 4 years now, probably met over 100 people and failed to find anyone genuine.

I think I've been quite lucky as I have made some lovely friends

But have also met a huge amount of men who lie through their teeth to get what they want (or just lie full stop) - I just can't see the point, especially at our age (mid/late 40s onwards)

Daffo I have made 2 friends (though I think one thinks he can call me up for sex), the rest have been liars and cheats. I’m mid 30’s and I just find most of the men my age are so childish, most still act like they are 18, I have tried dating men in their 40’s but they haven’t been much better.

Presumably these are people that manage to maintain the appearance of being a decent human in real life. Hold jobs. Talk to people in the street without whopping their cocks out or asking them for a fuck when collecting their change at the shops.

I think my strategy will be to not check it daily. Maybe once a week and see who is on there. If the conversation is shit I'm getting rid straight away and I shall lead by example. If I'm not interested I will just say so.

Yes, I’m not going to check it as much, not going to let it take over my life. Once the kids are back to school I’m going to try and get out a bit more, go back to the gym and try and meet people through hobbies rather than random strangers online.

My main hobby is teaching dog training and competing with my dogs. I'm probably only going to come across loved up couples in classes. But you never know.

I actually feel better just knowing some of you feel the same as me.

shit I would see them both and see what develops. No harm done.

My age range is 45+ and the majority of men I have met are either horrendously boring, liars or not in the place for a relationship (ie just after sex).

I'm making a decision about my irons this weekend but if it doesn't work out, I will be back on the apps Monday morning. It depresses me as I'm going to have to wade through all the shit again but it is the only way to do it as I never meet people in real life! I deleted my profiles so will have to start again and yet again, I have no good photos!

On the plus side, at least you don't have to worry that the woman you are talking to is actually a man wanking about lesbians in his mothers basement...

I need to give myself stricter ground rules I think. I mean I know that intense and fast relationships can be a red flag, but then what about the times that it isn't? Iyswim? Sometimes you do just click and it's real, but then how do you protect yourselves against those that you think are real and it's not. Rhetorical question, I know it's just a risk of dating in general. Fuck I'm annoyed though, annoyed that I put in the effort and thought we had something, and I probably feel worse for it than after my marriage ended.

i've only been on OLD for about 3 months and I think I'm ready for the lunatic asylum!! Mr Cheekybanter was 43 and Mr Italy was 45... being 39 I was hoping a slightly older man woul have his shit together but i think sometimes they are worse than younger men. The thing with the older ones is that they will be set in their ways and very unlikely (IMO) to change. Pining for Mr italy but not contacting him as i know he's not a good choice.

Mr Z (named him, the guy i had impromtu coffee with on Sunday after got back from cabin) is trying to arrange another date.

Another iron was chatting to before (will call him Mr Agent) got back in touch when i rejoined POF and he has been hinting at coffee so trying to pin him down today.

Third iron i started talking to last night (Mr Quad as he likes quadbikes apparently) i'm meeting for coffee tomorrow morning. Not sure about him as his profile says he is finally divorced and he wants a new relationship this year (slow down dude!!), and some of his pictures are a bit iffy, make him look stoned or drunk!

But I've learned that i have to get myself out there if I'm ever to find the right one. And hey ho it's all about experiences at the end of the day. Just wondering how many chocolate oranges to buy??

Oh, and i've received a sweet message from a guy this morning but his username has the word "cum" in it.....classy eh! Avoid completely or give it a chance?????

@scotgal2017 me personally avoid anyone with suggestions in their user name as I felt this was a clear indication of what they were looking for

Thank you shitwithsugaron, I guess it makes sense really. I'm extra annoyed at myself as I pegged that her being so keen was making me uncomfortable very early on (like before we met up) - I might even have posted about it here! - but rationalised that I was just unused to it and why shouldnt someone be keen to meet me. Should trust my spidey senses in future.

Anywho, I have another question. An earlier iron (actually the first OLD I met up with in person) has got back in proper contact (we stayed fb friends as we have a lot in common), sent me a personal fb message on my birthday rather than just writing on the wall, and then another on Xmas day. So... do I bite the bullet and in casual conversation ask what happened when she disappeared off radar (short history: we met up, got on great, she was really keen after and wanted to do it again, then she was really busy and just gradually stopped contact. I know she had xh issues as well as sole custody so assumed it was that), or does that sound too needy?

You lose nothing by asking beyond though it sounds like to me she had other irons in the fire and they have now come to nothing

And I Echo shit's sentiments. There is something viscerally painful about OLD. I think it's the dashing of hope more than anything else.