Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hmm in that case I would leave it a bit longer - I think you will know when the time is right.how do you think he would mess with contact?-do the children live with him?surely if they live with you you just carry on the current contact arrangements.also for he have a partner?

Does he (ex) have a partner?

He would minimise contact to cover my work only I think. He doesn't have a partner, he's nowhere near ready and still wants me back.

Kids live with me. Iron has own place, kids grown and flown.

Happy New Year all

WarIs Why do you think you need to tell ex at all? Are the children aware you are seeing someone - are you afraid they may let ex know by accident? You know him and what he is likely to do, so if it were me I'd keep it to myself as long for as long as possible. MrSales is not visiting your home when the children are present so ex cannot use that as a reason to kick off. What you do in your own free time is up to you.

MrAbs is still in Europe visiting family after his Dad passed away, so we're surviving on WA and phone calls. We were due to spend NYE together, but that had to be cancelled because of his trip. He sent me some beautiful flowers and a card apologising for "messing up our plans', which was a lovely gesture, but obviously not required given the circumstances! He's only been gone 4 days and he's back on Friday, but my goodness, how I miss him, and it would appear from his lovely romantic messages that he feels the same. Still firmly on the smitten bench.

Good luck to all for 2019 and thank you to all who offered me words of wisdom when I was getting ridiculously over invested, then ghosted by various irons. And particular thanks to whoever said don't chat for weeks - arrange a date asap - best advice ever.

I'm thinking wait 2-3months to see. Then declare myself in, that's seems reasonable to me but I have no idea really!

jesuis lovely update and sounds like he’s a keeper.warls so your concerned that he would minimise his contact with the kids to make it difficult for you to see Mr Sales? I agree with jesuis advice-would leave it a while longer.

warls out of interest how long since relationship with ex ended?

That was me I think jesuis it's such an important rule it really is as real life can be So So different to messaging! Best to get a meet done quickly and then you know where you stand!

warl I can't see why you would tell him! Apart from anything else it's way too early...

And congrats to all on the smitten bench

Happy new year to you all and here's hoping for success for us all xx

warl you owe nothing to your ex, especially an abusive one. It is different when you introduce him to your kids but if you are keeping it to weekends when the kids are at their dads, then you have absolutely no obligation to tell him anything

Happy New Year everyone!

After meeting up yesterday with my lovely non-date friend, Mr Shoes, I've decided to stay off the apps for as long as possible. I'm fed up of crappy dates with boring men. Instead I'm just going to concentrate on my hobbies/sports, try and meet friends like Mr Shoes more often and hope I find someone in real life.

Just need to find something to keep me busy in the evening. That's when boredom sets in and I get the urge to start swiping.

Good luck to everyone. Hope 2019 brings lots of irons and tales of love on the smitten bench.

Happy new year everyone! So glad to see the back of 2018!

I'm off the apps for now and I feel so much better for it, it was bringing me down. Going to concentrate on me for now, going to join my local leisure centre so in the evenings I can do some swimming and some classes. Need to shift some holiday weight 😂🙈

I do have a date lined up for the weekend however, a guy I met at work. I'm not so sure about him but he seems keen 😊.

I had a date Friday night and it just bored me and my heart wasn't in it - so that's when I thought I'd come off for a while.

Sounds like some of you are having a fab time and have gotten yourselves some lovely men! Hope it carries on! Enjoy every moment 😘

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking @Apparentlyacatch did exactly the same in November and was very cathartic though I then got obsessed with shopping instead! I think you definitely need to be in the right mood but I'm so glad I took a break and feel much stronger for it

Happy New Year to you all.
I hope everyone starting out in relationships,having first dates or just swiping away will have a great year.

Last night I did a DIY job on my hair and no longer blonde...am now dark brown. I'm going to get out more,find some hobbies apart from football and do more little breaks with my kids and dog. No dates in site but I feel good in myself.

Good luck everyone and thanks for the advice,i'd never heard of mumsnet a year ago and this thread has helped me so much :)

@Koko12 6 months since he moved out at my repeated request it's been over for me for at least 2 years. Its definitely permanent but he's struggling

I feel like I'm lying by omission if I don't mention it (later, once there's something to mention) but I know there's no need just yet.

war I don't mention anyone to ex till I've seen them for at least 6 months. It has to be serious or no point. In fact there are some who have got to 6 months and I've still not told exh as I've had some doubts (and been proved right).

If he's struggling, it will only make it worse!

Thanks Daffo that sounds reasonable I'm just not good at keeping secrets and xh and I have mutual friends so I think it might be tricky I suppose.

Happy new year everyone.

I’m glad it’s going so well @JeSuisPrest. It’s lovely on the smitten bench. And @Koko12 is here too. I hope 2019 sees the bench even busier. 😁

@WarIsPeace I’ve been seeing the BF for 6 months and I haven’t mentioned a thing to my ex. I don’t see that it’s any of his business really. DS2 knows all about it (he’s met the BF) but hasn’t said anything to his dad either as far as I know. No one has told him to keep it secret but he’s keenly aware of the need to manage what his dad knows in general (he’s asked me several times to not tell his dad about something because his dad will be totally unreasonable) and has probably filed it under ‘unnecessary information; liable to create avoidable fuss’. He can tell his dad if he likes but doesn’t seem to want to (sadly ex doesn’t realise how badly this reflects on him).

Ex-MIL stays in contact with me and I tell her if I’m going away somewhere (with the BF) and things I’m doing, and send her photos (of me/wherever we are, but not him). But both of us just ignore the fact that I’m clearly doing these things with someone and say nothing about it. 😆

Ex will eventually find out at some point. But I don’t actually plan on telling him or discussing it with him. I do not want him to think he has any right of comment or input in my love life.

In a moment of madness I created a profile on POF this morning. It logged me out suddenly and I've been unable to log in ever since - doesn't recognise my password, doesn't send me a reset email. Does anyone have any experience of this with POF?

Movember I've had that before. Your profile has been deleted. There doesn't seem to be any reason for it happening.
If you try setting up a new account with the same username you should be ok

Can I join? not that I have much to report.
Does anyone ever find 'chatting' with matches can be difficult at times? I'm chatting to a guy at the moment but all the messages are just generic stuff. He hasn't asked me a single question about myself yet. I just don't know how to move things forward?
We matched on Saturday and chatted a bit. Then he messaged me NYE but, again, we just chatted about how we don't like going out anymore and just chill. I messaged him earlier about how I was sad to be going back to work tomorrow but, yet again, all I got was that he is off until 8th.
Am I wasting my time here?

crappyday I would ditch this one - clearly self absorbed! try backing off and see what happens?

So.. I think I'm back. Perfect new relationship has suddenly imploded from nowhere today. It has utterly blindsided me, but I guess I should focus on the fact that I seem to have dodged a bullet.

Gotta get back on the horse ASAP I guess, or I'll develop horsephobia. Might wait a few days though to lick my wounds.

Apparentlyacatch I did try to do that after the first chat. I had no intention of messaging him and when he did message me yesterday, I didn't reply for about 4 hours (I hadn't noticed his message).
He told me in one message he's had a 'few dates' but that he's looking for something special and nothing has stuck yet. I'm struggling to see how he's even made it to the date stage with his chatting technique!!!