Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

That's exactly it, Lovemusic. I almost thought I'd go with the flow and let him believe we could move forward but honestly, I really would rather be alone than settle. I won't go into details but my recent ex (an unsuitable relationship) floated my boat in every possible way. I'm not looking for Mr Perfect. I just think that we accept imperfections when it feels right.

And the kissing has to be amazing, right?

Were you disappointed that it didn't work out today with Mr Hippie? TBH I just felt glad we'd met up and given it a good chance. I don't feel sad in the slightest although I had been hoping that it might have been more since he and I started communicated.

getting I don’t feel disappointed, I feel guilty because he obviously really likes me and at some point (very soon) I’m going to have to tell him that I don’t feel the same way. Like you, I would rather be single then settle for something that’s not perfect. The past year has been one of my best years and I have been single for all of it (dated a few people but not been in a relationship), I have come to realise that I can have fun without being in a relationship so I guess it’s going to take someone bloody amazing to make me want to be in a relationship. Kissing Mr Hippie doesn’t feel amazing, DTD isn’t amazing either.
I think maybe I should just find a reallly good FWB and stay single.

myold - reading your posts with interest as I'm in a similar situation with MrPara. I was upfront with him and said I thought he was out of my league but he said he feels the same about me! Am willing to see where it goes.
shitwithsugar - MrLocal sounds promising!

Hello peeps, I'm still off the apps but following the thread and wishing everyone a iron filled 2019!

@shitwithsugaron MrLocal does sound very promising, commuting can suck the life out of things at times!

Thanks Twice I am going to re-name him Mr Island, sounds so much better! He is continuing to send lovely messages and wants to meet up when he comes to "the Mainland" - not for another 3 weeks though. I'm trying to stay cautious but I do feel a connection with him more than anyone else.

Mr Chatty continues to send through long streams of consciousness message and frequently has me laughing out loud! Looking forward to seeing what he's like in real life, I do wonder if he might be a bit much to cope with!

Really surprised (in a good way) at the amount of good chats I've been having. Have tried a few sites previously but nothing got off the ground and never talked to anyone I actually wanted to meet up with. The men I am talking with now seem more serious - I was honest in my profile even though I was worried it made me sound quite dull!

Got chatting to Mr Teacher - he lives in the same small town as my brother and the chat felt relaxed and natural. Also need to extract myself from a chat with Mr Bike - the chat is friendly but very stilted and I get a strong feeling there is no point continuing. He asked if we could speak on the phone and I said nicely not at the moment but wondering if I should cut it off now. Is very difficult when someone seems like a nice person.

Well I haven’t heard from Mr Hippie today, he usually messages every morning but today nothing. Am I wrong to secretly hope he is ghoasting me?

Anyone else on their own tonight? I’m working until 10pm and will then be seeing new year in with dd if she can stay awake. My FB newsfeed is full of people going out tonight, I can’t remember the last time I went out for new year (maybe 19 years ago).

Yes, Love, I've chosen to be on my own tonight (though may give in to popping to neighbours if they push). After a fabulous Christmas and a rollercoaster year, I just want to contemplate the universe, my good deeds and my bad. Can't be arsed with NY frolics

@love, I'll be on my own, kids still with STBXH, well not on my own, just collected my dogs from kennels so they need lots of cuddles on the couch tonight lol.

@getting, the Matthew Hussey book is good from what i have read so far.

Well, had a sort of impromptu date last night, before I came off POF before I was talking to this guy, didn't have a photo on his profile but could hold a conversation, no sex talk etc. When i rejoined POF the other day, he messaged straightaway to ask how I was etc. He asked if we could meet before I went to cabin and I said we would arrange something when I got back. So at last minute we arranged coffee last night. He is a bit younger than me and it was a blind date I suppose (well for me anyway) as i hadn't asked him for a photo etc. He is from a different ethnicity which is new to me as always dated Caucasian guys. we had 3 coffees over 4 hours lol. he went for a sneaky kiss before I got back in my car lol. He was very complimetary the whole evening. Not sure if there is anything long term there, I'm not swooning over him but I think he's a nice person. We will meet again I've said to him but he is aware I'm speaking to others.

Also as a nice surprise, i had looked at a guy's profile on POF who looked like a guy I went to secondary school with. Nothing from his profile confirmed this. he messaged later asking if i went to such and such a school and it turns out he is who i thought he was lol. We had a chat to catchup and he gave me his number for WA contact. Nothing arranged but would be nice one day to catch up an reminisce over coffee with him (I think I fancied him at one point when younger lol).

Hope everyone has a good Hogmanay!

I messaged Mr Glamour to thank him for a lovely evening. And added that I enjoyed meeting him. I thought I'd leave it open for him to decide if he wanted to ask for a second date.

He replied - Enjoyed meeting you. See you soon.
No idea what to make of that.

I'm home alone this evening. And will probably be asleep by 10pm. I'm such a light-weight!

So my plan to be home alone contemplating the universe lasted four hours - I'm off out now to hit the town! Hoping to get some clarity in my mind about what to do about my FWB, for whom I think I'm 'catching the feels', as everyone predicted. Constant messaging since April, amazing sex and emotional closeness when we meet, a creeping excitement - but no official status, and I'm still not at all sure I even want a conventional relationship. I just know I don't want to stop having this relationship with him, and more tellingly I no longer want to see anyone else or even have any irons. Ugh, beginning to feel vulnerable.

2018 for me has been totally dominated by OLD. I've experienced and learnt so much, most of it joyous and life-affirming, some of it really rather alarming. And I've valued this forum almost more than anything. So a happy new year to you all

Hope you are all having a good new year eve.

Mr Hippie hasn’t messaged all day, I kind of feel bad as he might be waiting for me to text him but then the other part of me is hoping that he isn’t interested. Do I just not message him and hope he never messages me? 🤣

@love IMO I wouldn't message him if you are trying to discourage him from contacting you

@love I would leave it. You might be lucky and he does the job for you!

Happy New Year to all on the thread. Less Flakes, Ghosters and Sex pests next year purleese. 😏

Thank you, I will leave it, the fact he hasn’t messaged me to wish me a happy new year has to be a good sign that he’s not interested right?

I think I will un hide my POF profile tomorrow and look for some new irons, I already have one that I said I would meet up with in the new year, he’s probably more my type than Mr Hippie (doesn’t smoke and isn’t 6”7) 🤣

Happy New year!
Hope I have better luck in 2019..

Happy New Year to all you lovely lot!Had a lovely NYE and managed to see the new year in with my I guess partner (eek!) now.Am completely on the smitten bench and hoping this is the real deal 🤞x

@Koko12 how lovely

My recent date messaged me through the night and bang on midnight, he sounds quite smitten. Didn't spend it together as I'm working but he invited me anyway.

I'm still keeping an open mind, it's my first new chap in many years and things with the ex are still messy (ex didn't want to split)

How long (God I know I sound 12!) is it reasonable to date him for before I should tell the ex I'm seeing someone, if we continue?

warls do you have children?I’m not sure what general etiquette is but I would suggest not saying anything until you feel that there’s some longevity in the relationship.

Yes I have a couple of tweenage kids

I'm only seeing him when kids are staying with their dad. I'm worried dad will reduce contact purely to fuck it up if he knows. He was quite abusive when we were together. I also work shifts.

The iron, Mr Sales, knows my situation and has not run away screaming.

warls how long have you been seeing him and are contact arrangements with kids arranged via court?

Assuming the kids don’t know about him yet?tricky one to advise as only you truly know your ex and likely reaction.I would not want the kids to know and to have to keep it secret from their dad - equally I wouldn’t want heir dad to know without also telling the kids.If you are just seeing him in your own time is there any need for anyone to know at the moment?

Contact not via court, all arranged between us.
Very new, couple of weeks. I'm just pondering for the potential future really, I don't do spontaneous.

This is the first time I have split up with someone that I still have to have regular contact with, iykwim. Long relationship and kids. Because realistically, even if this one is brief, there will probably be another.

Namechange fail