he also asks me quite a lot of questions about him and do I like certain things, do I like his beard (if not he'll shave it off) what do I think of his shoes (if I don't like them he won't wear them again) like any of that is my business!!
My BF did that a bit at the start about whether I’d be ok with a guy with longish hair or if he should get it cut. I told him it was his hair and it’d be best if he chose how he wanted it. He still asks me about shaving and stubble (he’s indecisive over whether to be clean shaven, have some permastubble or grow a beard). Partly that’s about my comfort (as his day after shaving stubble is like evil sandpaper). But I’m refusing to tell him what he should do with his facial hair; it’s his face.
Tbh, I think it’s partly a really silly desire to try to please me and (at least initially) to be what I want him to be. But I explained that things can only work if I like him as he actually is. And the other bit of it is that as far as I can tell (and much of this I’ve gleaned from his friends and brother, rather than him), his ex was really quite controlling about what he was allowed to look like/do etc. So he has been conditioned to expect that it’s not entirely his decision.
I’ve got absolutely no interest in telling anyone else what to do or wear or how to cut their hair (etc). I’m not even willing to be controlling over my children’s hair (even if DS2’s father insists on being that way). It really doesn’t matter if I don’t like his shoes or jumper so long as he likes them/it. I’m much more interested in whether his character and personality work for me (rather than his hair, shoes or occasional interest in something I find tedious, like boxing).
He’s stopped doing it now, unless he genuinely is just unsure about something himself and wants a second opinion. And we’ve been together long enough that I know it’s just that he wants someone else to tell him that the 90s T-shirt he’s looking at really is very 90s indeed.
It was a bit annoying though. As you say, why act like it’s any of my business whether you have a beard or not? I think some people just lack the confidence to believe people might like them just as they are (for all sorts of reasons).
In my case, I kind of go the opposite way. My ex was horribly controlling and passive aggressive (so I’d have to guess what it was he wanted from me, like a test I could never pass). As a result I’m not really willing to invite anyone else’s opinion on my hair or clothes or interests. I’ve had too long trying to fit a mould I never could and I’ve decided that I’m not interested in anyone who doesn’t just like me exactly as I am. I’m not a ‘fixer upper’, not do I want one!