Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

If he has any sense, it’ll be for your scintillating company. That sounds like a good plan.

I agree with you that Hogmanay with my kids is definitely something that is for Serious Relationships only.

I posted all needy here yestday, held my nerve and didn't contact Mr PhD and altho I hoped he might contact me he didn't.... Felt stupidly disappointed. I pinged him a 'hey' this am and we had a 30 min video chat and made a plan for tmrw.... So still super early days but hopefully some movement forward at least....

I have just sent Me Hippie a long message (probably should have kept it more simple) but basically told him I want to take things really slowly and I'm not ready for him staying over yet. Also told him of we rush things I'm likely to freak out and run a mile.
I shall wait for his reply. If he can't handle going slow then I shall walk away.

@twicemagic - no you have been a lot of help! I actually got things confused. He wasn't / isnt away skiing, he has his kids (adult kids), one of them has a few issues so he did contact he saying that the next few days were going to be hard. So I kind of get the slightly limited contact. Although he did message also to say that he had been thinking about me. That does help with my abandonment complex (inherent in me I think, but also completely exacerbated by my ASD skiing/climbing obessive ex).
@DaffoDeffo - thanks for your support as ever too.
@user1466783975 thanks to you too :-)
@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking - The guy I really like said let's see each other for a couple of months and see where it takes us. I guess that given what you've said in your post that means I should not put a label on it and just go with the flow. It's not as if I want someone FT in my life with my DD right now and maybe bursts of fun and warmth might be the right thing for me.
Mr Intense does sound like just like the name you've given him. I'd run a mile, but that's just me.
@Lovemusic33 - I think you did the right thing by your message... Keep us posted.

Mr Hippie replied and appolagised for being too full on. I have suggested we go somewhere/do something Sunday but no staying over, he seems ok with this (as far as I can tell).

Well, after a month of daily communicating Mr Well Balanced (or should I call him Monsieur) is coming over to my city from the other side of Paris by train. He'll be arriving tomorrow at noon. I'd be pretty nervous if it wasn't for the very busy Christmas week I've had with my three DC. I know he's feeling a bit anxious.

Fingers crossed please although what will be, will be.

Good luck for tomorrow gettings make sure to give us an update tomorrow.
As for me I have seen my man every day since our 19hour first date on Saturday and have done all manner of things - include going out,staying in,meeting his family etc etc.trying not to get ahead of myself but am completely smitten with him and seems the feeling is mutual.🤞 this is the real thing.

koko this sounds fab. All in a space of a week. Sounds just what I need!

When you met,i suppose there were no games,no waiting for txts,you just said you liked each other and went for it? Is he local?

gettingthere this is exciting,lots of luck.

I txt the guy who lives an hour away that he is too far. He has gone from respectful and friendly to now txting can he come over late tomorrow eve when son is at his dads. umm,no thanks,i'm not some late booty call.

Next!

user yes exactly - just all sort of happened organically, nothing forced etc. As if we’ve know each other for years and already acting very ‘coupley’ - no worrying about who’s paying for what when out etc (even down to me paying for his toilet rolls when we were at the supermarket the other day!). Just so random and not sure I’ve ever felt like this about anyone before - I’m just so scared of getting hurt. I have children but am obviously keeping them completely separate and aim to for a long time. Good luck to all on the thread.

And yes don’t be just a booty call if that’s not what you want x

Very nice date, had a lot of fun. The after party was um very sweet but I don't think we are compatible. No regrets, got back on the horse etc I suppose

Was supposed to being having a hastily arranged date at lunch today with someone local before I pick up my DD. He seems nice, (a semi-pro tennis coach, so super fit...) I told him I'd met someone I'd clicked with, but he wanted to meet as friends and was happy to be my Plan B! (Is that needy, or just a mature approach to OLD?). But have woken up with the most horrendous head cold. Is this karma telling me to back off / slow down :-)

@WarIsPeace Love the "after party" euphenism!

Sorry you’ve got a cold @midcenturylegs. I’ve had one too since Christmas Day. I went swimming this morning and thought I felt better but now I’m back to sniffling.

At least it was a nice date @WarIsPeace.

I’m pleased for you @Koko12. It all sounds very lovely. I guess the thing will be to find out what happens when you are both back at work and in the real world, rather than a Christmas bubble.

I messaged Mr Intense to say I didn't think it was going to work. Combination of his circumstances (still shares a house with his ex) and distance meant we could probably only see each other once a fortnight. He just blocked me.

Then, in a fed up moment, I deleted my profile on both Tinder and Bumble. I had managed to get around 50 matches in a month but by the time I'd got rid of the ones who never replied to messages and the ones who were too far away, I was left with 5. I've already swapped numbers with 3 of them.

Now I'm wondering if I was too hasty and the perfect man has just set up his Tinder profile. Unlikely, I know!

@Lovemusic33, I'm glad you have a proper date arranged for Sunday during the day. Progress!

@shitwithsugaron Insist on a proper date while you’re child free, rather than him just coming round.

shitwithsugar - I got into that situation once and it didn't change. I hated myself for letting it continue but I suppose kept hoping that something more would develop. It didn't help discussing it with him either, he just said what I wanted to hear but his actions said otherwise. His parting comment was "Let me know if you fancy a shag!" I politely said, "No thanks, it wasn't that good!"
Koko - sounds wonderful!

I'm feeling a bit meh. MrPara has a whole week of night shifts. He msgs when he can. I asked if this shift pattern is normal and he said no, just the time of year (Paramedic, if you didn't guess, lol).
People say, keep yourself busy etc, which I do but when you have kids, it's hard being lonely in the evenings.

Hi Ladies I’m new here but hope someone can talk some sense into me!
Earlier this year I met a guy on Tinder while he was visiting my city. I wouldn’t normally agree to meet someone on that basis but for some reason did and was immediately attracted to him. We had this fantastic connection and started seeing each other despite the distance. 3 months in, he became very cold and distant. After quite a few weeks of me making a huge amount of effort he said he could not see a future for us and ended it. I was devastated.
We did not talk for a good few months but gradually started texting again.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, feeling well and truely over Mr Long Distance I started seeing a new guy. We slept together for the first time a few days ago and quite frankly the sex was just awful 😩. I feel like such a failure....he’s still texting but he’s actively back online and we have made no plans to see one another again.

Mr Long Distance has just sent me a text asking if we could consider meeting up - then almost immediately sent another saying “scratch that, I’m thinking with the wrong part of my anatomy”
My self confidence is now totally shot and I just want to hide under the duvet eating chocolate!

@SingleSal Hi there and welcome . My gut reaction to Mr Long Distances' message is you would be doing yourself a huge favour if you just block him without even responding. He is testing the waters to see if you are open to a FB arrangement at his cinvenience. If that's what you want, fine, but if you are looking for a relationship, please don't let a rubbish roll in the hay with your latest iron put you off. You will click with some people and not others.

You said yourself you had got over MrLD. Please don't set yourself back months by going there again. He really does not have your best interests at heart. You are worth so much more than what he is offering

singlesal , you're not a failure! Just step back from it..It's Christmas...people come out of the woodwork around this time as emotions are heightened and people get lonely. Remember how Mr long distance treated you first-time around and now he's just missing the sex. It's not really good enough is it, you're worth more than that.

Put them both behind you.

And now I need to follow my own advice. Exactly the same thing has happened to me. I had a relationship with someone earlier this year who lives 2 hours away. He ended it but got back in touch in November. I've got totally sucked into his words again (not met) and my 2019 gift to myself is to put him behing me.

Quite a few old irons have texted over Xmas. Ignored them all!!!

singlesal I agree with the above, block both and move on. Mr long distance is using you, if you go back he will hurt you. And the other guy, if your not compatible in bed it's not likely to work.

I have my date with Mr Hippe today, he's driving to mine and then we are going out for a walk and pub lunch somewhere. I'm not overly excited or nervous, what will be will be. I'm worried that he's looki g for something much different than what I want. I'm looking for a relationship but not the kind where we spend every day together, I just want someone to go out with once (twice at the most) a week and I don't plan on having someone move in. I like my freedom and my life right now. I think he's looking for a wife. When is the right time to tell him what I am looking for?

shitwithsugar - I think you are doing the right thing by arranging a date in his city. With no sex on the agenda, you'll be able to get a better idea of his intentions. It's good to have other irons as it stops you over thinking. I saw no harm in having a first date with multiple men as it's purely a numbers game. If I liked them enough for a 2nd date then I'd stop/delay seeing anyone else.