Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

We can all connect through messages but you may meet and he could have bad breath etc!

Ok. Do we think he's still not losing interest.

I would say that its normal for messages to fade as you haven't met. Suggest meeting up in a week and in the meantime find other irons so you don't over invest. If he is keen he will send the odd message but if there is no meet in site,i would move on

He deleted his tinder within a week of talking to me. It's weird.

I’d say it’s weird to delete tinder before you’ve actually met someone.

@TwiceMagic I know.

He said he it annoyed him and he didn't like it. He hadn't come across anyone he wanted to meet.

I don't know why I feel this way either. I've not met him.

I think you might want to remind yourself of rules 3 and 4 here.

It’s easy to project all sorts onto people before you’ve met them. But it can all be very different when you actually meet.

You're right

midcentury I would def keep your hinge date. You have nothing to lose :) and it will probably be fun. And he's attentive. There is something about yearning for men who aren't - friend of mine calls it push pull. They pull, we want to push! Re Far Away man, I think you always feel exposed when something is so intense then disappears. I would delete whatever means you've been talking to him on and forget about him for now...when he gets back hopefully it will be different. I had a bf who loved skiing and we broke up. I hate it and though I didn't mind him loving it, he wanted to spend every holiday other than summer doing it! I deliberately swipe no on any men with skiing photos now!

love Mr Hippie sounds promising!

And nikki I agree, be so careful of people you haven't met

sunshine I think if it's important you have to ask. Friend of mine (male) is dating and on bumble and he deliberately doesn't put his height on because he's short. But he is used to people asking how tall he is! He hates how shallow people are about height but you like what you like.

@NikiFree
I'd be trying to get some other irons. You sound like you're very focused on one person and if he's online etc
In the nicest possible way, you've never met this person, he owes you nothing. Try and get a date arranged ASAP or focus your attention elsewhere

I had realised I hadn't asked / didn't know the height of my date before we met. Partly intentional because I do tend to go for very tall. But I realised I was excluding a lot of the potential pool that way and I'm already very fussy about other things that matter more (to me)
Plus I'm a shortarse who doesn't do heels
Turns out, it's much easier to have that awkward first smooch with someone who doesn't have to fold themselves in half to do it. He wasn't short, just a fine normal height.

@wishywashy6 yes you're right.

I've had a crap Christmas and a feuding family too. I will be much better when I got back to work after the holidays. I'm probably just bored in the here and now.

shit one thing I will say that I've noticed, and I'm about to make a massive gender stereotype so apologies to people like rich and co who may not fall in this, is that we women always love to define what we are in. We want to know is it a fwb, is it a fb, are we in a relationship or are we not. And for the most part, a lot of men seem quite happy to take things as they come rather than needing that definition. I don't know why that is but I've had it with a few irons. I think it also might be because I've wanted the definition v early on and probably too early for it. I don't know what the answer is but I guess it might take a bit longer before you can define what it might or might not be if Mr Indie isn't quite needing the same level of definition as you!

shitwith I find it hard to read men but generally if there’s sex on the table they will be eager to arrange another date even if they don’t plan on it turning into a relationship, it sounds like he wants to slow things down but not the sex part?

My Hippie is too keen, he’s meant to be staying tomorrow night and Monday night but I’m thinking of cancelling one of the nights or maybe just asking him to come over Sunday for the day but not stay? I’m just not comfortable sharing my bed, I can’t sleep as I’m used to sleeping alone (he also takes up a lot of space and snores). I kind of want to knock the sex on the head for a bit as I would prefer to get to know him first. I’m not sure how to tell him this without it sounding like I’m not interested. He knows I am having issues with contraception (no longer in any) which is also a issue until I find an alternitive.

@Lovemusic33, why is he coming over to your house instead of taking you out? This would worry me greatly. It sounds like he's behaving like you're an established couple already - am I right in thinking you've known met him once?

If you have children, this is even more strange. I'd definitely be unhappy with his attitude.

Rolls yes, it's worrying me a little too. He wants to spend new years eve night with me, I was meant to be child free but now I'm not. He seems to want to slot into to my family set up but I'm not comfortable with that yet. I'm going to suggest that we jist spend Sunday together (as I'm child free).

Yes, Sunday during the day sounds much more sensible. Make sure he takes you out though! He needs to be impressing you...

Daffo I'm having exactly that conversation with a friend. She's been seeing someone for a few months and wants to ask her boyfriend what sort of relationship he thinks they have. I'm trying to get her to just go with the flow. They're both happy so why label it.

Love I'm also questioning why Mr Hippie is spending so much time at your house. That's not dating or a relationship. That just seems to be him coming round for sex. And it doesn't sound like you're enjoying it much.
It also has a bit of déjà vu - isn't this what previous men have done? Practically moved themselves into your house after meeting you only once or twice. You should be going out and getting to know each other, not feeling obliged to have him in your home

I'm trying to write a text to Mr Intense to say I don't want to see him anymore.
We've had 2 dates and both times I enjoyed his company but felt he was a bit too serious and full on.

I was out with friends on Saturday Eve, showed them his tinder profile and it said he was only a mile away (normally 20). So I messaged to ask what he was doing that evening, expecting him to say he was out with friends. My message wasn't delivered until nearly 10am the next morning.

I was busy and didn't check my phone until nearly midday. He'd sent half a dozen texts explaining he'd been home all evening watching TV, his WiFi wasn't working etc. And his final text said ' I guess you're not talking to me now'

I sent a quick reply to say where I'd been and that I was about to travel to visit my parents. When I got there, 4 hours later, there was another text complaining about my lack of communication.

I've sent a couple of polite texts since I've been away but now I need to end it.

And I think that'll be the end of any dating for me for a while. I don't need the stress.

He sounds like very hard work @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking. I wouldn’t want to see him again either.

I agree with everyone else @Lovemusic33. He doesn’t sound like he’s making the right kind of effort, however keen he is. He needs to actually do the dating bit. I think you are right to slow it down. My BF and I now spend more time hanging out here, but that’s 6 months in and I have gotten to know him. We still go out and do interesting things too though, because that’s important. We went on a city break a couple of weeks ago (to a city he used to live in and adores; he wanted to show me it).

@shitwithsugaron: It sounds like he’s saying one thing but doing another. That’s quite frustrating. It might be a good idea to try to have a couple of daytime dates that cannot end in sex at this point.

@sunshine. I’d suspect that a reluctance to disclose his height means he’s short. So if it matters to you, then work on the premise he’s 5’6/7.

My BF (who is short; the same height as me in fact) didn’t say how tall he was. I could tell he wasn’t tall from him photos though and I didn’t care. I asked him what height he was on our first date but only because I’d realised that he was the same height as me, but probably not 5’4. Turns out I’d been under the impression that I was 2” shorter than I am all my adult life. 😂 I went home and measured myself to confirm this.

It is definitely much more convenient to kiss someone the same height as you. 😆