Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

shitwithsugar enjoy ! I love second dates :-). So much more relaxed and you know who you're looking for.

love hope you have a chat with mr Hippie,i expect he has no idea you are feeling a bit pressured. Better the chat than you beginning to resent him/go off him.

I joined pof again last night. Had a lovely 2hr chat on phone with a guy. He called me out the blue tonight too. Really want to meet before we do all this chatting and txting though, incase we don't have a spark when we do.

Is an hour away too far,wise people? Not exactly 'pop in for a cuppa on the way back from work' . sigh

Ooh a second date. Lovely. My BF and I went for a Chinese meal and drinks on our second date. We didn’t really manage the drinks bit though and went to my house instead.

@user1466783975 At this point in my life, I’d decided that an hour was too far away. I wanted someone who lived in this city (or very close to it).

When I met ex he lived 3 hours away from me. In hindsight I should have realised that me having to do 90% of the travelling was a sign of what was to come.

thanks twice.I've been debating on it all day. God knows why I ended up living here,10 miles from any town and 30 miles from a city. Stuck out in the sticks lol. Men are thin on the ground!

The footy team I follow is playing his in two weeks,i will just say we could perhaps go as friends

@shitwithsugaron - hope tonight is going ok, remember the rules..xx
@Warls - glad you had a good time - fingers crossed
@twicemagic. I am super interested in someone who lives 150 miles away from me. He travels a LOT too. Has grown up kids and I think no real ties where he lives apart from his job but that can change, I think. He and I were set up. we had a date which resulted in a DTD but he's gone skiing away with friends now and I've not heard a peep. I've been there with skiing fanatics and I don't want to go there again - total abandonment which messes up my head.
I've also got a date with someone tomorrow who whilst works at somewhere I'm morally against.. I kinda like.

I'm confused. Do i date someone who is available and is loaal? Or someone who is soooo busy, is in to extreme sports, but I like a lot?
:-(

That sounds like quite a dilemma @midcenturylegs. I guess it’s about how the 150 miles and busy would work practically. And also what you’re looking for in a relationship.

I think, right now, I realised that I want the kind of relationship where you see each other all the time.

But that isn’t for everyone. I think for a lot of women with children something that was more about concentrated bursts of seeing each other (when you are child free) and otherwise light touch would work better.

I’m no help, am I? 😆

It might be a good idea to do a low-stakes football date @user1466783975. And you can figure out if you like him and also whether it can work practically with your life and what you want.

Eek! How do you ask someone how tall they are once you’ve been chatting for a couple of days? It doesn’t say on his profile and when I made a comment about whether I should wear my heels when we meet (hopefully next week), he didn’t answer, just gave me his phone number.

@shitwithsugaron hope that you’re having a lovely date!

@lovemusic I actively try to slow down the amount of meets to once or twice in the first few weeks of dating - generally in my experience, once I’ve explained that it’s because I like them and want to get to know them properly then their response tells me a lot.

So I’ve also been in touch with someone for about six weeks who I’ll call Mr Row - we swiped on each other when he was in my area for a wedding, and he didn’t realise that Bumble updates to your live location! He was so lovely that we kept on chatting. He lives 3.5hrs away, but he was so sweet that we decided to go for a date anyway. We met up a couple of weeks ago in a city halfway between us and had a really great day out together, chatted every day since. I’ve been encouraging him to still go on dates etc but he doesn’t want to. I’ve been honest and told him that I’m still using the app but we are building a really lovely friendship anyway. If he lived nearby I would definitely exclusively see him - he said that he’d been considering a move to my neck of the woods before we started chatting. In reality, I’m not going to uproot my kids to move across the country and I’ve been really open with him.

Still planning to meet Mr Gent next week...

Sorry I'm not replying to people here / giving support etc.

I'm feeling so down. Mr Xmas eve set-up - where the date ran for 12 hrs and since last midnight where it was all quite intense, has not been in touch.
He's gone skiing with old ski pals. I know I'm being ridiculous in feeling abandoned but my ASD 5 yr ex used to do this. We'd have lovely weekends together but he'd go away for 3 weeks ski touring and I'd have one message during that time stating things like "I'm relaxing in a hut after a hard day of climbing and we narrowly missed an avalanche". I knew of that avalanche at that time as his Mum had been frantically calling me, as she'd been as stressed as me. I'd not even met her at this point but she found me on Facebook and FaceTimed me.
No asking how I am etc.
This attitude carried on for the 5 years of our relationship.
I know I'm being stupid and pathetic.
I just don't want to go there again.

What is normal re expectations around this sort of stuff?

I will talk to Mr Hippie, we kind of made a pact that we will talk openly about how we are feeling and not keep things to ourselves (as we are both huge over thinkers). He does keep checking with me that I’m ok and that it’s still ok for him to come over.

@midcenturylegs I think you are supposed to be able to get support here as well as giving it. So definitely don’t feel bad.

I can really see how your experiences with your ex would make you worry about a lack of contact. I think though, with mr Xmas Eve it’s very early days so there is no need to panic about a lack of contact while he’s away skiing. It’s a busy time of year for people and he’s away. The key thing is what he does when he returns.

It is so hard to not have crappy exes cloud your experience with new people though.

I'd thought of sacking off the date with someone I'd met on Hinge for tomorrow night. But he's funny and has been consistent with his messages over the last 2 weeks, even when he was abroad with friends & family. Plus he lives in London.

@TwiceMagic - thanks xx

Go for it. It could be fun and it will distract you if nothing else.

He contacted this morning and we had a nice chat. Talking about our Christmases. He was a bit flirty and interested and kind.

But now nothing and he has been on WhatsApp.

We used to talk loads more than this.

It could just be time of year, it is a weird time. Trying not to think he is losing interest.

Got my first dick pic followed by abuse when I told them I wasn't interested.

I feel like I finally belong

midcentury just try and just get on without giving too much thought and go on the date tomorrow. If this ski guy has no ties and is very much the sort who has lots of hols with his friends, I can relate to this. I had a bf for a year who was wonderful,yet had trips and holidays booked with friends all through the year and it made me feel terribly insecure. yes,he took me to Majorca and we had a trip to Poland but that was planned around all his trips. golf in vagas, Russia world cup,friends 60th birthday piss ups at butlins,the list went on. I even had to see a counsellor but then decided it was the situation I was in,not him,so we ended it. I don't mind a bf going on a trip or two,but I want someone who really wants to do things with me. But I have a child so I cant just bugger off!

I know you've done the deed and are probably over thinking, i'm hoping he txts lots and once home it all works out. hugs x

Oh and we have spoken every single day except Christmas eve since 9th December.

Sound ok I hope.

niki have you met him yet...that's a long time to be chatting if not,but maybe he is just really busy at the mo

@user1466783975 no I haven't. He is away for Christmas at his folks which is 100 miles away.

We have talked alot. Shared alot. Have lots in common.

The only day we haven't had a single text is Christmas eve.

We chatted a bit this morning and he was funny and flirty. But we aren't talking nearly as much as earlier.

He has been ill and it was only boxing day yesterday I guess.

If it was me i'd suggest a meet up asap,see what he says( I take it you want to meet) Suggest a few dates you're free. If he skirts around it then you know your answer.

We've already talked about meeting loads.

What I don't have is a time frame but given he is away for Xmas and NY I guess.