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Original poster

Would you find this suspicious? And what would you do?

142 replies

ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 22:04

I’m pregnant and not feeling well so not really thinking straight. My partner finished work at lunch and went straight out with his colleagues. He got in about 30 mins ago, quite drunk (he’s not a massive drinker but drunk for him). He got a glass of water and said he was going to bed. He was quite and even drunk coming in and going straight to bed is a bit weird for him.
He’d left his jacket in the kitchen and his phone was in the pocket, I heard it pinging from the room and then it ringing. I went to go turn the sound off and take it up to him because honestly it was annoying me. He’s got messages, WhatsApps and calls all from the same person a female name, not someone I know or have heard him mention.
I haven’t looked at the messages but saw the banners, a few of them were just ‘?’ Or ‘.’ but she’s sent a message and WhatsApp and then tried to call him.

We have a good relationship, unplanned pregnancy but he’s been fantastic about it. He’s not weird with his phone, I know the pass code.
My ex cheated and I wouldn’t have seen that coming at the time, so I’m not naive now. But I really don’t think he’d do anything like that. But then I’m sat looking at his phone wondering if I should just read the messages to check. I don’t want that kind of relationship though, but equally I’m thinking am I stupid not to make sure I’ve nothing to worry about.

OP posts:
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 21/12/2018 22:06

I'm sorry. I think you know.

DitaVonPeas · 21/12/2018 22:07

Honestly? I'd read them. But it does sound like whoever she is she's the one doing the chasing, and your dp is at home with you in bed.

Jellybean100 · 21/12/2018 22:08

I’d read the messages

mandmmummy · 21/12/2018 22:09

Read them! Will put your mind at rest instead of thinking what it might have said

Highfever · 21/12/2018 22:09

I'd read

HollowTalk · 21/12/2018 22:09

I would definitely read them.

treesup · 21/12/2018 22:09

I'd read too

mistermagpie · 21/12/2018 22:10

I'd already have read them

Petalflowers · 21/12/2018 22:10

I would read the messages also. It may just be an innocent conversation with someone he was chatting to in the pub.

As it’s Christmas, maybe he got into the ‘christmas Spirit’ and just drank more than usual.

Have you any reason to believe he wasn’t where he said he would be?

Isth · 21/12/2018 22:10

Read them

crispysausagerolls · 21/12/2018 22:11

100% read but it is obvious to me it’s their code to determine whether or not he is with you or not/available to talk or not.

limpbizkit · 21/12/2018 22:12

I've got to be honest... I know I'd have to read them if my suspicions were aroused. But I understand your caution in doing so. You don't want to look like you're paranoid and don't trust him. If you ask him about it he's unlikely to admit it if there was something else going on. Perhaps it's a colleague who was asking if he got home OK? (you did say he seemed drunk) to be honest I'd trust your spidey senses. If it's going to eat you up have a look at the messages. If they turn out to be nothing suspicious and perfectly innocent, admit In the morning his phone kept ringing and you went to see who it was in case it was important. Then in future trust him and don't let your past creep into your current life else it'll destroy your relationship. If it turns out he's up to something at least you'll know. Sorry its a bit garbled. It's tricky isn't it. I would be inclined to look though sorry Blush

C0untDucku1a · 21/12/2018 22:12

Read the messages.

Itwasatuesday · 21/12/2018 22:13

If you can't bear to read them take the phone up to him and ask him to show you. A nice man who had nothing to hide and knew your history would let you. However that might back fire and you'd never know so if it was me I'd read them.

limpbizkit · 21/12/2018 22:14

Let us know egsr you decide to do. I hope it turns out to be innocent...

Weenurse · 21/12/2018 22:14

Agree with PP, take him the phone

limpbizkit · 21/12/2018 22:14

What not egsr!!

thecatsarecrazy · 21/12/2018 22:16

i would read, but my husband has form for being a dick while I've been pregnant

MyOtherProfile · 21/12/2018 22:16

I'd go wake him up and ask him.

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2018 22:17

Are you knew to mumsnet? If so, let me explain, the man is always cheating on here. Always.

It could just be someone he was out with, who is also pissed wondering where he is.

However on saying that, I'd read the messages too.

user877377 · 21/12/2018 22:18

I personally wouldn't read them, and ask him direct. Maybe a girl has come on to him and he's come home to you and ignored her, hence the "?" And "so...". If he hasn't given you reason before don't let it ruin you now. Ask in the morning for an explanation definitely but don't snoop.

From experience I have previously accused an ex of cheating on me after seeing photos on a night out, it was innocent but I let previous experiences get in the way of trusting who I was with. If you know this man, and he is trustworthy give him the chance to explain calmly.

All the best OP

fruitbrewhaha · 21/12/2018 22:21

Could be that when he left she said "call/message when you get home" as she knew he was really pissed.

Then she has sent a message, "are you home yet?" but not heard back.

Take him the phone to see.

Calvinsmam · 21/12/2018 22:21

Yes because if you confront a cheating man he will immediately tell you the whole story and in no way just deny, minimise or pretend you’re a psycho.
Read the messages.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 22:21

No reason to believe he’s not been where he said he was. He’s only just moving in so he has his own place still, most of his stuff is here now and he’s letting his out in the new year. So he could have not come here tonight if he didn’t want to.

He’s very fast asleep, I’ve been in and nudged him and nothing!

OP posts:
chicken75 · 21/12/2018 22:25

OP ITS 10.25. Please give him a chance to explain x