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Original poster

Would you find this suspicious? And what would you do?

142 replies

ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 22:04

I’m pregnant and not feeling well so not really thinking straight. My partner finished work at lunch and went straight out with his colleagues. He got in about 30 mins ago, quite drunk (he’s not a massive drinker but drunk for him). He got a glass of water and said he was going to bed. He was quite and even drunk coming in and going straight to bed is a bit weird for him.
He’d left his jacket in the kitchen and his phone was in the pocket, I heard it pinging from the room and then it ringing. I went to go turn the sound off and take it up to him because honestly it was annoying me. He’s got messages, WhatsApps and calls all from the same person a female name, not someone I know or have heard him mention.
I haven’t looked at the messages but saw the banners, a few of them were just ‘?’ Or ‘.’ but she’s sent a message and WhatsApp and then tried to call him.

We have a good relationship, unplanned pregnancy but he’s been fantastic about it. He’s not weird with his phone, I know the pass code.
My ex cheated and I wouldn’t have seen that coming at the time, so I’m not naive now. But I really don’t think he’d do anything like that. But then I’m sat looking at his phone wondering if I should just read the messages to check. I don’t want that kind of relationship though, but equally I’m thinking am I stupid not to make sure I’ve nothing to worry about.

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 22/12/2018 07:09

Also he may well have been sensible and kept those work messages from her and deleted the rest (you can delete individual texts) so he has a base of non suspicious messages from her he can show you if you ever grow suspicious.

JollyHolly30 · 22/12/2018 07:14

I'd read them all.

DitaVonPeas · 22/12/2018 07:17

Good luck today OP. I've got a horrible feeling you'll never get to see those WhatsApp messages, but then again I've been on MN too long; I hope I'm wrong!

Torsz · 22/12/2018 07:20

It sounds like she's definitely chasing him, but I really hope it's one sided. My (now) dh had somebody at work on his old team that he'd had a couple of drunken nights with before we got together. He told me about her upfront and I used to hate him going on work nights out as she'd always be trying it on and messaging him afterwards - one time he was supposed to be crashing at a friends afterwards and she ended up going back to the house with them so he left and came home.
I can't say it was easy (despite trusting him) and I was relieved when he left and went self employed, but the main thing for me was that I knew about it. Hopefully it'll be something similar for you, but if it's two-ways then I'd be out of there...
Good luck today!

limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 08:38

Any updates OP?? The fact he hasn't got a lock on his phone and he's left it in his pocket doesn't reek of suspicion. It does sound like the woman could be drunk and pursuing him one sided. He obviously came home to you without replying to those messages. I'd have still had to look though for my own sanity.

Thingsdogetbetter · 22/12/2018 08:49

After works do and doing an Irish farewell (staggering away without telling anyone 😁) I found many short messages and calls from work friend when I woke up the next hungover morning. Including "????" "Where are you? I miss you" "love you, where are you?". I can 100% assure you there is nothing going on with work friend. She just gets very lovey when drunk. Very!! LOL.

hammeringinmyhead · 22/12/2018 08:59

Can we talk in text form is only used in a "Can we have a serious conversation about our feelings" context. IMO.

RadioGagga · 22/12/2018 09:20

Mmm good lucko

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 22/12/2018 09:23

He was still asleep when I got up with dd so I took his phone down with me. Didn’t read the WhatsApp messages because even in flight mode the badge that tells you how many messages you’ve got goes away if you click on the app so he’d know I’d read them and despite this I do trust him.

Anyway he got up around 8 and asked me if I’d seen his phone, I said it’s here and explained I’d heard it last night and checked because it seemed like someone was really trying to get in touch with him, I said who it was. I think he seemed a bit eager to get his phone from me, he said he wasn’t. He showed me the WhatsApp messages though. He said he doesn’t know why she sent full stops other than maybe trying to get him to notice the messages. He said she was quite emotional last night, she split from her boyfriend not long ago and she was asking him about our baby and saying she wanted children and her bf didn’t hence the split and in general just feeling a bit down.
He said there’s definitely nothing going on and hasn’t ever been anything between them, just work friends. He said last nights the first time she’s spoken to him about more personal things and it just started when she asked when the baby was due.

He sent her message this morning asking if she was ok and if she’d been trying to contact him for some reason. She hasn’t replied yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePeachPit · 22/12/2018 09:32

He was reassuring, wasn't bothered that I’d read the text messages or anything. I’m feeling better now I’ve spoken to him. He doesn’t hide anything from me, I know his passcode for his phone and he leaves it lying round all the time, let’s me use it, let’s dd play with it. I think if he was up to something he’d be more careful and not have notifications that pop up on the screen, I don’t on my phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePeachPit · 22/12/2018 09:40

She knew he’d gone home though and he’d shared a taxi with a work friend so he doesn’t think she was worried he hadn’t got home ok.

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 22/12/2018 09:56

She is maybe embarrassed this morning! Glad it all works out.

Renarde1975 · 22/12/2018 10:08

Oh dear OP. I don't believe a word of his explanation. I would believe that this woman is probably feeling very vulnerable though.

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 22/12/2018 10:22

Glad you got to the bottom of it.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 22/12/2018 10:23

What makes you not believe it @Renarde1975? It doesn’t look like he’s started any messages to her, even work ones.
My ex only started being a idiot when I was pregnant and dd was a baby (or I only noticed it then). So I’ll admit I’m a bit paranoid now I’m pregnant and especially seen as we didn’t plan it. But I explained that and he was really reassuring and said I can look at his phone when ever I want, he’s nothing to hide and he wouldn’t have minded if I’d read the WhatsApp messages.

OP posts:
Shallowshallow · 22/12/2018 10:23

Well, I would believe him. Of the had been cagey labour showing WhatsApp messages that would be different. If he was that bothered about her he'd have taken his phone to bed. He doesn't seem interested to me. Doesn't seem like he texted her after leaving either

limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 10:53

I think this sounds quite plausabile to be honest. I think if he was guilty he'd have turned it on you for snooping. I think you're OK on this one.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 22/12/2018 10:56

He said he hadn’t noticed the ‘where?’ Message but the can we talk before you go, he said he did speak to her and she just asked him about the baby, kind of if he was happy about it. Not in those words though and he said she was quite drunk. The messages after he said he really doesn’t know because they spoke and both said bye and merry Christmas and he left with his friend.

OP posts:
heydiddle20 · 22/12/2018 10:58

@ThePeachPit sounds like he is being straight with you. Nothing alarming jumping out from the posts you have made. Glad you could have a chat with him and he was reassuring and kind.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 22/12/2018 11:05

She hasn’t replied to him, so I’m thinking if she was drunk she’s embarrassed now or maybe not even got the message yet, if she’s still sleeping if off. Maybe she wanted to ask something else but didn’t have the nerve or she just wanted someone to talk to.

He said he definitely didn’t get a ‘I fancy you vibe’ and never has. Not that he’d be interested anyway (although he has to say that, doesn’t he).

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 22/12/2018 11:07

I think it’s bizarre that this woman, who you have never heard of before, who has apparently never had a personal conversation with him, is suddenly comfortable repeatedly calling and messaging him.

FWIW I would have been fine with my ex reading my WhatsApp, because I knew I had deleted all incriminating messages at all times, and left ones which looked innocuous. And I also knew my now DH would never have messaged me anything untoward knowing I was at home. Obviously i hope that he is telling the truth but I find it weird nonetheless.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 22/12/2018 11:26

To be fair I don’t know all his colleagues crispy but when he said about her splitting up with her partner, I remember he mentioned covering her revision classes because she was off. He said he’d say they’re work friends, but it’s the first time she’s spoke about quite personal things. He doesn’t go out drinking often and apparently neither does she, so usually he’d only see her at work and she’s hardly going to discuss personal things then. Some of the WhatsApp messages were more friendly but still generally work related, just like saying she was struggling with something or was really pleased with something.

He hadn’t any time to delete the messages she sent last night. And really I don’t think he’d have messages pop up on his phone if he was up to no good and I don’t think he could be certain she hasn’t sent something incriminating, if there was something to send.

OP posts:
limpbizkit · 22/12/2018 11:33

Sounds like she was off her face and turned emotional. She may have a secret crush on him or she was just plastered and feeling vulnerable. It doesn't sound like it was reciprocated. With no other untoward signs I'd imagine there's no more to it.

booboo24 · 22/12/2018 11:36

i agree that it sounds fine. i would also (maybe naively) be happy that he leaves his phone lying around and lets you use it. Also he didn't gaslight you

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 22/12/2018 11:40

He also very rarely goes out and when he does it’s to gigs and stuff with his friends. He’s not on his phone often and not ‘online’ when he’s not with me.
When I found out about my ex and really thought about it the signs were there. But with my partner it’s just not.

I’m full of cold and feeling like I’m suddenly getting huge and that makes me feel crappy. But I think I need to remember he’s not my ex.

OP posts: