Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you find this suspicious? And what would you do?

142 replies

ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 22:04

I’m pregnant and not feeling well so not really thinking straight. My partner finished work at lunch and went straight out with his colleagues. He got in about 30 mins ago, quite drunk (he’s not a massive drinker but drunk for him). He got a glass of water and said he was going to bed. He was quite and even drunk coming in and going straight to bed is a bit weird for him.
He’d left his jacket in the kitchen and his phone was in the pocket, I heard it pinging from the room and then it ringing. I went to go turn the sound off and take it up to him because honestly it was annoying me. He’s got messages, WhatsApps and calls all from the same person a female name, not someone I know or have heard him mention.
I haven’t looked at the messages but saw the banners, a few of them were just ‘?’ Or ‘.’ but she’s sent a message and WhatsApp and then tried to call him.

We have a good relationship, unplanned pregnancy but he’s been fantastic about it. He’s not weird with his phone, I know the pass code.
My ex cheated and I wouldn’t have seen that coming at the time, so I’m not naive now. But I really don’t think he’d do anything like that. But then I’m sat looking at his phone wondering if I should just read the messages to check. I don’t want that kind of relationship though, but equally I’m thinking am I stupid not to make sure I’ve nothing to worry about.

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 21/12/2018 22:58

i would text male colleagues - I am the only female in my work so there will be tests about work and texts about nights out - particular if we are all meeting up and coming from different places.

I have texted colleagues after work upsets to check they are ok etc. Would never think it could cause suspicions at home, and don’t think it’s fair I can’t be part of the normal team relationships just because I am female.

What I am trying to say is there’s might ba a reaslistic explanation. Talk to him and see.

StarUtopia · 21/12/2018 22:59

Check the WhatsApp and reply to her

But that's just me!

babysharkah · 21/12/2018 22:59

You have to check it. It sounds to me like Simone chasing him but you need to know for you and have ammunition if you need it.

LizzieSiddal · 21/12/2018 23:00

ThePeach I think I’d have to look at the WhatsApp messages.

If he wasnt drunk, you could go and speak to him but you can’t, so you shouldn’t have to spend the whole night awake, worrying.

ashtrayheart · 21/12/2018 23:00

If you turn it on flight mode before you read WhatsApp it won’t show as read. Then take off once you’ve read them.

choli · 21/12/2018 23:02

When I go out with friends who get a bit drunk I always text to see if they got home okay. I thought this was the norm.

C0untDucku1a · 21/12/2018 23:02

Who is simone?!

eggsandwich · 21/12/2018 23:02

I would text yeah we can talk, what do you want to talk about?

Then see what she says by text, if it doesn’t sound good then I would say right I will relay your message to my dp in the morning.

user877377 · 21/12/2018 23:06

@Dollymixture22 totally agree I don't think twice about texting male colleagues. It wouldn't even cross my mind that it would raise any sort of suspicion.

OP honestly give him the benefit of the doubt until the morning. He will most likely laugh it off and show you the messages. Your having a baby together which is way way more important than a few texts which (IMO) show him brushing her off not chasing. If he gets angry, doesn't show you the messages and acts like he has something to hide you have your answer.

Yes there are some crappy blokes out there, there are also crappy women. There are decent blokes and decent women. Everyone deserves a fair chance until proven otherwise.

StoppinBy · 21/12/2018 23:06

I would do the same as eggsandwich.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 23:12

Thanks all, I’m going to try get some sleep and I’ll ask him about it tomorrow. I’d text friends to see if they got home and if he read some of my messages to male friends, they could seem pretty suspicious and they definitely aren’t. I’d be upset if he didn’t trust me enough to ask me though.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 21/12/2018 23:13

Pull down menu from top of status bar
Put phone in flight mode (look for icon of airplane)
Open WhatsApp
Read messages
Return to home screen
Turn off flight mode

I really hope it's innocent. Going by the texts it sounds more like either she's just making sure a very drunk colleague got home okay, or maybe she's interested in him but he's given her the cold shoulder.

ethelredonagoodday · 21/12/2018 23:15

I don't think the texting from male to female colleagues or vice versa is an issue, but the nature of the texts would have me slightly suspicious. The . and ? messages also would lead me to think that's she's checking if he was able to talk.
To my mind, if it was all innocent, she'd just say, are you back yet, let me know you've got home etc etc...

Dirtybadger · 21/12/2018 23:17

I sometimes send lots of spammy messages (like lots of full stops as sesperate messages) to get rid of the first message being on the other persons screen. for example if I sent something remotely private I wouldn't the recipients partner or colleagues seeing if I was confiding. That sort of thing. Can't figure out why else you would send "." Repeatedly

Dirtybadger · 21/12/2018 23:19

Maybe she's really pissed. If you were sober you would just send are you home. then phone. And then maybe one saying you're worried.

You could reply saying he was home safe. That way if she is concerned her mind is at rest. And if she replies anything odd, then....

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 23:26

It was the amount so close together that made me suspicious and the fact he’s never mentioned her name. Reading them it’s the ‘where?’ When he says yes to going home that concerns me. It feels like she’s asking if he was coming here or to his own house and I wonder why she’d want to know that.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 21/12/2018 23:28

Thought that too OP.

Read the WhatsApp messages. Flight mode first.

You don't need a night of no sleep.

Sounds like he has no interest in her anyway. He hasn't replied.

LizzieSiddal · 21/12/2018 23:28

Good idea badger.

Dollymixture22 · 21/12/2018 23:30

Or she might not know where he lives and be about to offer to share a cab. Or a lift home from her hubby.

Could be innocent. Might not be - but you could be reading far too much into this.

I must now go and examine my drunken texts to colleagues😬. I can promise you there aren’t any affairs!!!!!!

LizzieSiddal · 21/12/2018 23:31

Yes it is odd she wanted to know which house he was going to, though I suppose she could be worrying about how he got there if he was drunk. Is one easier to get to than the other? Does one involve a long walk or something like that?

It could all be innocent!

feedthetrees · 21/12/2018 23:34

I would read the messages. I agree, it sounds like she was wanting to know if he was going back to his place or yours. But you know he came home to you so I wouldn't be overly suspicious of him cheating. It seems like she is the one chasing.

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 23:41

Yes I thought maybe sharing a taxi @Dollymixture. I don’t think she’s married or in a relationship though, because I found her on Facebook and it doesn’t look like it.
And I know that’s really sad and of no use what so ever. But I guess I hoped she was a good thirty years older and maybe looked like she could be his mum or something. She isn’t, not that, that really makes a difference or anything.

OP posts:
Kennycalmit · 21/12/2018 23:44

I wouldn’t neccersarily think he’s cheating but I’d find it odd her asking if they can talk. That to me seems like she wants to chat about something serious. With alcohol involved I’d be even more curious as to what!

granadagirl · 22/12/2018 01:01

Look your not going to sleep tonight, so get it over with. Look at the WhatsApp, if he’s been faithful all and good.
Wait until tomorrow and you may get a load of lies at least this way you will knoythe truth and be able (if not anything) to sleep

crispysausagerolls · 22/12/2018 07:08

I don’t usually jump to say the person is cheating but I am ashamed to say I cheated on an ex (he was abusive and that’s how I justify it to myself) for a few months with the person who is now my DH. And you would be AMAZED by the elaborate rouses I would use to text him or get him to call. We had codes for when my bf came home etc so he knew to stop texting. I don’t think anyone would be able to cheat on me now because I’ve personally experienced the lengths someone will go to so I understand what to look for.

The “.” Is what is a huge red flag. I don’t buy that someone checking if you got home would send “.”.more question marks, sure. But not “.” - that to me is a “trying to get your attention in a non suspicious way” type message. And I would want to see any subtext re their work messages.

Swipe left for the next trending thread