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Original poster

Would you find this suspicious? And what would you do?

142 replies

ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 22:04

I’m pregnant and not feeling well so not really thinking straight. My partner finished work at lunch and went straight out with his colleagues. He got in about 30 mins ago, quite drunk (he’s not a massive drinker but drunk for him). He got a glass of water and said he was going to bed. He was quite and even drunk coming in and going straight to bed is a bit weird for him.
He’d left his jacket in the kitchen and his phone was in the pocket, I heard it pinging from the room and then it ringing. I went to go turn the sound off and take it up to him because honestly it was annoying me. He’s got messages, WhatsApps and calls all from the same person a female name, not someone I know or have heard him mention.
I haven’t looked at the messages but saw the banners, a few of them were just ‘?’ Or ‘.’ but she’s sent a message and WhatsApp and then tried to call him.

We have a good relationship, unplanned pregnancy but he’s been fantastic about it. He’s not weird with his phone, I know the pass code.
My ex cheated and I wouldn’t have seen that coming at the time, so I’m not naive now. But I really don’t think he’d do anything like that. But then I’m sat looking at his phone wondering if I should just read the messages to check. I don’t want that kind of relationship though, but equally I’m thinking am I stupid not to make sure I’ve nothing to worry about.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 22:25

No more messages though, so maybe a colleague checking he’s got home. He was drunk but he wasn’t falling over drunk or anything, just drunk for him.
I think I should ask him in the morning and see what he says. If he’s not willing to show me the messages or they’ve been deleted, then that would tell me he was up to no good and he’d be gone. I just won’t sleep tonight.

OP posts:
Highfever · 21/12/2018 22:26

I'd rather read them now and know then wait and wonder

limpbizkit · 21/12/2018 22:28

Read the messages. For your own peace of mind. This'll eat you up if not

AtrociousCircumstance · 21/12/2018 22:28

Read them. Why would you deny yourself information? It seems like masochism.

Read them and be relieved - or know the worst of it. Find out the truth. Don’t be soft.

BifsWif · 21/12/2018 22:28

If the messages are deleted will you torture yourself and regret not reading them?

Honestly, as shit as it sounds I’d read them.

limpbizkit · 21/12/2018 22:31

I agree with the previous posters. Don't let trying to be the morally good person get in the way of you finding out the truth. Put yourself first and get the truth.

HollowTalk · 21/12/2018 22:35

If the messages get deleted you will never know.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 21/12/2018 22:36

I haven’t looked at the messages but saw the banners, a few of them were just ‘?’ Or ‘.’ but she’s sent a message and WhatsApp and then tried to call him.

It could be that she's noticed he's disappeared and is wondering where he is; if he ghosted out as people tend to from group events.

It could be that they agreed he'd message and let her/them know he was home safe and he hasn't.

It could be that something has happened between them.

The logical side of me says to read the messages so you know what you're dealing with. The emotional side says I wouldn't want a relationship where I didn't think my partner would tell me the truth. It's a tough call. I hope whatever you do works for you Thanks

villageshop · 21/12/2018 22:43

I would read them under the premise that his phone kept pinging and you thought someone was probably checking he'd got home safely and you could text back 'yes thanks, he's here and gone to bed' . Which you can do if that's what the texts are about which is quite likely and a reasonable assumption on your part.

If the texts turn out not to be so innocent you would be quite rightly shocked and upset. You would not have been caught out checking his phone, just responding perfectly normally to a late text from a colleague friend making sure he got home ok bearing in mind he was a bit drunk.

Bigpizzalover · 21/12/2018 22:44

It’s probably a text to see he’s got home okay, or if he’s left the group, asking where he’s gone.

Some people wouldn’t check the phone, I myself would (but then I am terrible for letting the irrational part of my brain take over the logical, even if deep down I thought it was innocent).

If you check now and it’s innocent, great, you can sleep!
If it’s not innocent you can think about your next move before he’s awake.
Don’t sit torturing yourself all night when you could look and have a definitive answer x

Escolar · 21/12/2018 22:44

Personally I'd read them. I trust my DH and I don't go through his phone but in these circumstances I wouldn't be able to resist!

whatamidoingwithmylife · 21/12/2018 22:47

I'd read them. I got suspicious about an ex and read his messages - all love declarations to his ex!!
My next relationship - exactly the same. I explained I'd already had this happen and he swore blind it wouldn't happen again and was a total mistake. Guess what - he did it again at New Years, confessing his undying love for her and that he'll never be able to move on. (This is over 5yrs since she dumped him).
I then caught him out messaging women on Instagram and WhatsApp, calling them at all times of night when he was drunk and alone.

Thing is, if I hadn't already seen the proof I'd have believed his lies as he seems so trustworthy.

Trust your instinct to read them. If it's nothing then that's great and you might just feel a little guilty - just don't tell him you did it. If there is something to it then you're saving yourself possibly years of hurt by finding it out now.

StarUtopia · 21/12/2018 22:48

Read them!

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 22:49

Another message and it’s just a .
I’ve looked at the messages, not WhatsApp because he has read receipt on that but not his normal messages.
It must be a colleague because there’s messages about work, a few general messages from other days and tonight, a message asking if he’s out, he replies another asking where, he replies. Then one later asking if he’s going home he replies yes and she asks, where? Then, can we talk before you go? Then ?, ?, then just full stops Confused
He hasn’t replied to any after ‘yes’ to going home. But the can we talk and one of the question marks was before he got here.

OP posts:
whatamidoingwithmylife · 21/12/2018 22:51

@Calvinsmam you've got it spot on there. I got called a psycho for not trusting my ex. Turns out he was a lying shit (not cheating, but texting/calling other women and exes). He said it was my fault I couldn't get over what he did and if I was so unhappy I should just fuck off.

Highfever · 21/12/2018 22:51

Where and can we talk. Both look dodgy. I'd look at whataspp

Original poster
ThePeachPit · 21/12/2018 22:52

And now I just feel guilty and no clearer until I talk to him anyway!

OP posts:
Highfever · 21/12/2018 22:54

And trash folder on photos

Calvinsmam · 21/12/2018 22:54

The only times I’ve ever been called a psycho is when someone’s been cheating and I’ve found out.
Apparently discovering someone cheating is worse than actually cheating.

saralogan234 · 21/12/2018 22:55

Sorry, but I'd definitely look at whatsapp. You've tried to wake him up, and it's not unreasonable to be worried about this so if it is innocent he shouldn't have a problem with you looking.

limpbizkit · 21/12/2018 22:56

Look at the WhatsApp for clarity. Stuff the read receipts

Missingstreetlife · 21/12/2018 22:57

Call her?

thisusernameisrubbish · 21/12/2018 22:57

I personally would look at whatsapp and even reply saying 'what do you want to talk about? I can't call' then delete them all after she responds. I'd want to know. Doesn't seem innocent

tinselduck · 21/12/2018 22:57

I'd look. He might not remember checking the messages

limpbizkit · 21/12/2018 22:58

Ps stop feeling guilty. You have valid suspicions. If it turns out innocent great but no point feeling guilty for a valid snoop.

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